What’s a high value woman?
How do you recognize the signs of a high value woman?
If you are pondering these questions, this article is for you.
This post gives you the 12 most important traits that characterize high value.
- High Value Woman Traits
- 1. She is Feminine
- 2. Takes Care of Her Appearance
- 3. Takes Care of Her Health
- 4. Cares About People
- 5. Is Emotionally Stable
- 6. Speaks Outstanding English
- 7. Can Find a Reason to Be Happy
- 8. Is Socially Skilled
- 9. Plays Little Games
- 10. Knows When to Set Boundaries
- 11. Is Emotionally Intelligent
- 12. Has a Growth Mindset
- What Are NOT High Value Traits
High Value Woman Traits
This article leverages solid psychology, research and the author’s own experience.
A high quality woman with the following traits is great girlfriend material, but also makes for a stable and reliable business partner, colleague or friend.
1. She is Feminine
A high value woman doesn’t necessarily need to be attractive -albeit that’s still an advantage-.
But she definitely needs to be feminine.
These days of decreasing testosterone in men and women’s increasing search for independence there seem to be crossover between men and women.
And more equality.
Well, don’t let that fool you one bit.
The fact that more and more women are losing touch with their femininity only means that the ones who haven’t lost it are reaping more and more rewards.
But what does feminine mean?
2. Takes Care of Her Appearance
Yes, I wrote appearance.
Have you ever heard the quote:
You can’t care about others more than you care about yourself
Well, not everyone agrees with it. I don’t fully agree with it either.
But there certainly is a strong relation between how much you care about yourself and how much you care about… Pretty much everything else.
And caring is a sign of quality.
Here are some signs of a high quality woman when it comes to caring of her appereances:
- Make up
… And Doesn’t Hide It
The high value woman also doesn’t hide it that she takes care of herself.
Pretending you put on the first thing you saw in your old scruffy wardrobe is a low value way of trying to hide yourself in the shades of mediocrity.
Not high value women!
They know that appearances and perception shape reality and they make no mistery they take care of them.
Note: everything in the right proportion, of course. Caring about one’s appearances should not be at the expense of substance. That’s being vain (and possibly narcissist).
3. Takes Care of Her Health
Similar to the above, but deeper.
She takes care of:
- Food she eats (no fast food, no adding kilos of sauce & salt etc.)
- Drinks (avoids pops, colas etc.)
Overall, she keeps her body running smoothly.
4. Cares About People
High value men also take care of the people around them as that’s a major indicator of leadership (Leader Eat Last).
Women show caring is different though.
It’s less direct and less group-directed.
It’s a bit more one on one instead.
Contrary to what Hussey recommends in Get The Guy indeed women shouldn’t walk around the bar asking people how they’re doing as if they owned the place (that’s the man’s way).
But they do let people know, one on one, they’re happy to see them. Maybe a slight touch on their arm, a warm smile, a comforting word.
Or a simple “well done, I’m so happy for you”.
Takes Care of You
And of course, she cares about you and takes care of you.
… As long as you keep taking care of her too, of course!
A major corollary of caring about people is indeed that she cares about you and takes care of you.
If a woman doesn’t care about your dreams, goals, ambitions… About your health… Then she’s either extremely self-centered or she lacks empathy.
Either way though, she’s not a high value woman.
And she’s not good relationship material.
Years ago I went to the hospital for a visit that was worrying me. Once there they told me I should get hospitalized.
I called my girlfriend to ask if she could bring me the laptop and some more clothes. As soon as she picked up she started talking about her job interview. I waited and waited for her to ask me how it was going with me.
But it never happened.
Eventually I had to interrupt her to get a word in about my hospital visit (that she knew fully well about).
After I hung up. I was sadder for the state of my relationship than of my hospitalization. I think I had never felt more lonely that that day.
And at that point I knew that relationship had to end.
She had shown very worrying signs of major self-centeredness.
Now on to the next one:
5. Is Emotionally Stable
Women tend to have wilder mood swings as compared to men, so they get a bit more leeway.
But it a high value woman is still expected to be:
- Relatively secure of herself and of her own worth (but some insecurity is endearin)
- Not going to make public drama
- Not excessively anxious
- No wild mood swings (sign of borderline personality)
- Generally positive and uplifting
Note: Emotionally stable doesn’t mean she doesn’t cry or that she never gets angry. It doesn’t even mean she can’t have a nervous breakdown or have bouts of slight depression and self doubt.
Those are normal parts of life and dealing with them openly is actually another sign of high value.
She should not be however like Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, who’s constantly beside herself and presents all the signs of not being a high value woman:
6. Speaks Outstanding English
With English being the current lingua franca of the world, a great command of the language it shows that she has read enough and has taken care of her education.
Furthermore, it shows a willingness to communicate with the world, to understand the world and to make herself understood.
Major high quality signs.
Note: Women and men differ here. Women often tend to go broad with languages rather than deep.
Indeed more women living abroad will try to pick up the local language as compared to men. This is because of women’s stronger drive to build social networks.
Also a bit more leeway for women from “stronger” or far away cultures, ie: China, Japan, Korea, France, Italy etc.
7. Can Find a Reason to Be Happy
Let me explain this as it’s not obvious.
Men should have a pursuit, a goal or a major interest.
For women, it’s not as necessary.
Indeed too obstinate a pursuit can become a drawback.
Not that there is anything wrong with obstinately pursuing anything per se, but it’s easy to lose femininity when on a single-headed warpath.
“A reason to live and be happy” means she is not easily bored or too prone to depression.
She can have several reasons to be happy and several ways to make herself happy.
Ranging from a life goal, to holding a job she cares about to a general contentedness and enjoyment of her family, children, relationship or life.
8. Is Socially Skilled
Great social skills are important for everyone, but even more important to women than to men.
Women are on average more skilled then men at building social networks (The Man’s Guide to Women) and we could argue that social skills for women have been a matter of survival strategy (The Moral Animal).
Indeed men can stay around the top of the pyramid without social skills but through sheer aggression and intimidation -it’s better being feared, says the eternal Machiavelli-.
It’s been observed among primates instead that female tend to further their interests -and that of their families and tribes- by building networks of alliances.
And it’s not that different for humans.
In a way indeed, we can say that the ability to effortlessly form friendships is a sign of femininity.
But what are these “social skills”?
Basic Social Skills
- Making friends
- Small talk
- Getting to know people
Advanced Social Skills
- Turning down a guy’s advances without hurting his ego (keep a friend)
- Release tense social situations
- Deflecting inappropriate comments without making enemies
Here’s an example for the last one:
9. Plays Little Games
The women’s dating literature is all about playing games.
By far the three most popular being:
- Make him wait for sex
- Pretend you’re not interested
- Let him invest more
We’ve already debunked the idea of letting him wait for sex, the drawbacks of feigning disinterest and the issues of making him invest more.
Bottom line is, very few are completely “games-free”, but it’s a big, big sign of high value women that of looking for relationships based on honesty and mutual support.
The high value woman does not:
10. Knows When to Set Boundaries
The high value woman is pleasant and welcoming, but she’s not pushover and knows when it’s time to take a stand and defend her boundaries.
If you’re not holding your end of the relationship, she’ll let you know that.
If her parents are meddling in your relationship and making things difficult for you two, she knows it’s her job to take a stand for the both of you.
11. Is Emotionally Intelligent
Emotional intelligence is a vast topic, but it can be boiled down to:
- Understanding and acting on other’s emotions and needs
- Understanding and acting on one’s own emotions and needs
Years ago me an ex girlfriend of mine were removing old wallpaper.
I was making fun of her as being largely ineffective. I was surprised she was taking it so personally, but truth to be told I was also amused by what I perceived as her large overreaction.
These days I would have spotted the signs it was going too far, but back then I was quite a bit thicker and I kept going.
Then, at a certain point, said something like this:
My blood is boiling, I’m losing control
Little later she left the room to go decompress on her own. I later rejoined her, apologized, explained I didn’t realize I was going too far and then we resumed without further trouble
The only reason that didn’t turn out to be a big argument and a drawn out issue was her outstanding emotional intelligence.
The fact that she was able to realize she was reaching her limits and was able to articulate it is a major sign of emotional intelligence -and in relationship literature is called a repair attempt-.
And the fact she preferred to go decompress instead of blowing up is a major sign of self control.
Both are signs of high value women.
12. Has a Growth Mindset
I won’t go in details here, but a growth mindset as explained by Carol Dweck means that people believe they can get better instead of their traits being cast in stone forever.
It might seem a small details, but it changes everything.
People with a growth mindset are:
- Resilient to criticism
- Look for ways to improve
- Enjoy challenges
- Approach problems with a “we can do it” attitude
And as a man who’s been with a few very touchy women, lemme tell you: being able to speak your mind without fearing of hurting a small China-like ego is really a game changer (plus this women usually go places with their lives).
What Are NOT High Value Traits
The following are sometimes mistaken for signs of high quality. And while the can be, they’re not necessarily so:
1. Has a Good Career
Historically men have monopolized the direct control of resources. These days more and more women have direct access to resources.
Direct access to resources in our society means:
- Great job
- Top grades in uni
- Go getter attitude
- Top performers at sports
While all these attributes are very helpful for a man to be a high quality man, they are much less crucial for women.
A woman these days has indeed the luxury of choosing between two roads to high quality:
- Control resources herself
- Secure (or control) a man who control resources
An example of the first category would be Amal Clooney, a woman who also manages to keep her femininity.
An example for the latter is any woman who marries a top man and then… Stays out of the limelight herself.
When Career Women Are Not High Value
Career women pay lip service to the idea that fending for herself is not “better” than being a stay at home woman. But deep down they sometimes think they do are higher quality.
However, when they fall for that line of thinking is exactly when they show a major sign of low quality: resentment.
They resent women in more traditional roles because they fear those women will make them look masculine by comparison.
When Career Women Are High Value
However, women who can directly control resources themselves AND stay feminine at the same time, that’s a major feat there.
She’s possibly a bit too strong and rough around the hedges, but is an interesting mix of go getter attitude and femininity:
2. Has Vast Knowledge
Being well learned, cultured or being “worldly” is important if and only she is supposed to entertain disparate guests for parties. Or if she is part of very intellectual circles.
Otherwise, it’s a good to have but its absence doesn’t turn a high value woman into a low quality one.
Same for her body, a high quality woman will not flaunt her superior knowledge.
Showing off is a masculine trait -and often associated with insecurity.
The woman in this example is seemingly high quality, but she’s otherwise being rather masculine and rude:
3. Comes From a Good Family
We all have a natural tendency to look at the family of origin and draw conclusions.
And don’t get me wrong, this is not the kind of website to tell you “don’t generalize” and “don’t jump to conclusions”.
Don’t do that indeed… When you have the means to dig deeper.
But when you don’t, in the face of limited information, a badly educated guess is better than not guessing at all.
That being said, here’s why poor backgrounds are not a sign of personal quality:
- Some people overcome it
And when a woman can overcome a bad household of origin, then it becomes an even bigger badge of quality for her.
- Sometimes people swing in opposite direction
While most tend to follow in the footesteps of their family, some swing in the opposite direction.
So for example a woman in a poor household might swear to herself she’ll never be poor again. Or a woman who witnessed a cheating mother wreck her family will swear she’ll never cheat and never accept cheating.
4. Is Smart
That’s not to say you must disregard intelligence. What I mean is that all you need is a level of intelligence that is not too far away from yours.
I usually define it in terms of what you can laugh about.
If she can get your jokes and innuendos and you can laugh together about them, then you’re golden.
High value women are feminine women who take care of themselves and also care and take care about the people around them, there included their partners.
There is a lot of overlap between high quality men and high quality women, but also some major differences.
These articles provided you with an overview of the traits of high value women.