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Kellvo's Journal - Forging a New Purpose After Gaining Power

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Awesome write-up, Kellvo. Great to read about your development and achievements (and future goals).

Kellvo has reacted to this post.
Community, new content and Confidence University moved here.

It is a sincere pleasure to learn from and contribute to your forum, Lucio. I have come a long way, and you and the other members here clearly have as well. To both keep on growing and build up others, I intend to make a habit of shorter, more specialized and frequent posts; also, to learn from others' post and add value where I can.

Applying this now, I'm going over a major goal, pursuing it from broad to narrow:

  1. Improve my social skills in general.
  2. Improve my leadership skills in particular, with an emphasis on looking out for others from a high-value place.
  3. Create strong and sustainable social circles that further my vision of virtuous self-improvement towards creating a better society.
  4. Cultivate close bonds with a few high-quality men, creating a nucleus by which our purposes can be mutually achieved.
  5. Put in the steps to seduce and lock down a very high-quality woman, with long-term intention of starting a family.

The ultimate end goal is to be a man who greatly influences the world around him for the better on a large scale, starting with the friends I know and the people I talk to frequently.


To do this, I am pursuing three broad vectors for social self-improvement:

  1. Power University - especially in the aforementioned area of leadership, as well as power dynamics understanding and creating win/win solutions.
  2. Charisma on Command University - To steadily improve overall conversational skills, with an emphasis on building bonds and overall influence.
  3. Todd V's Verbal Game program - To address my weaknesses in verbal game, capitalizing on attraction, as well as to develop overall social competence.

Together, the goal is to develop a strong overall base of social competence, from which I can further specialize in providing value-adding leadership online, at my venues and in the community at large.


Inwardly, this takes several manifestations:

  1. Good self-care and presentation in general - sound hygiene and grooming, good fashion, healthy posture.
  2. Steadily pursuing a purpose; building momentum while minimizing distractions.
  3. Getting my spiritual life in order; furthering my relationship with God in every way I can.
  4. Eating healthy, exercising regularly and staying active in general.
  5. Actively considering how everything I think, speak and do affects others and my mission.
  6. Absorbing new knowledge everyday, especially religiously, on self-improvement and people in general.
  7. In progress - finding ways to rest, relax and recover in a healthy, productive and purposeful manner.

Ideas for the last include light exercises (inc. stretching, jogging and dancing), time in nature, prayer, resting while watching something educational and of course talking with lots of people! There are few things so rejuvenating for me as honestly going up to someone and making their day better - and when I get a nice conversation out of it, all the better.

Ultimately, I love knowing that I am making a positive impact on others in a powerful and mutually-productive way.

Ali Scarlett and Matthew Whitewood have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettMatthew Whitewood

Awesome to read that, Kellvo, happy for you and your journey mate.

For your goal to steadily improve your overall conversational skills, perhaps Vanessa Van Edwards's People School might be better.

It's ranked higher on the TPM list for best resources on social skills. And, Charlie Houpert, the head of Charisma University, has shown that he has some areas where he could improve socially as well. (See Charlie Houpert case studies under "Examples of using emotional intelligence to maneuver social situations".)

And, by the way, I fully recommend the Simple Habits course to make a daily habit of prayer, regular exercise, rest and recovery, and so on. I was able to change all of my bad habits and build new ones, and I'd be happy to share my experience if you'd like to drop a note over in my journal.

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Lucio BuffalmanoKellvoMatthew Whitewood

A sincere joy to see you again too, Ali.

Charisma University helped 2 years ago during my severely socially awkward phase; it gave the basic skills to get off the ground. However, I agree with your assessment of Charlie; he still gives off nerdy and somewhat awkward/anxious vibes. Vanessa by contrast is highly articulate, eloquent and precise in speech; additionally, she successfully combines femininity with power. Definitely a high-quality woman; when able, I'll seriously look into her course.

Simple Habits looks promising; I'll seriously look into it for Christmas. Planning on listening to the Atomic Habits audiobook again as well as starting a new account of Habitica; combined with the routines already set up, I am confident I can build a more structured life conducive to long-term progress and legacy.

I am glad to reply to your journal and read the exceptional content within. It'd be a pleasure to hear your experience as well.

Ali Scarlett has reacted to this post.
Ali Scarlett

Good morning, members and guests of Power University! These last two days have been most insightful indeed; reigniting a serious interest in socialization and power dynamics, pursuing various self-improvement projects and doing some inner searching to boot. A sudden and sharp illness yesterday forced me to go home and really do nothing - which for an ambitious, active and driven man like myself is so frustrating. Seriously, if I could literally work 24-7 on my projects, I would. But, as is often empathized in fitness and other circles of self-development as well, recovery is just as important as action.

So what do I do? How do I use recovery, and even sleep, to further my purposes? First, I ask myself why I collapsed. Second, what can I learn from this? And finally, what decisive action can I take in response to this?


Why did I collapse? First, because I'm trying to do everything at once. Build a body, socialize with people, do well in school, pursue self-improvement, further my religious life, hike and explore, watch educational videos and read educational books, push my limits/face my fears, practice Game and flirting, spend time on meditation and prayer, actively inspire and lead others, and likely more.

Now, I have a LOT of energy and drive, but even I can only do so much. And splitting my attention in a dozen areas means none gets done completely. All are with the focus of creation, self-improvement and ultimately pursuing a purpose that makes others' lives better, and I've seen results there, but it's uncoordinated and chaotic; I'd really like to get a structure behind this so that I can maximize the results each day.

Thankfully, I learned from my previous failures, and focused completely on recovery - because of this, I am well on the way to recovering from this sudden illness. I can only assume the stress, fatigue and oncoming burnout from before weakened my immune system. Lesson learned - pace myself better. So next step - what can I learn from this?


The first thing to learn from this is to prioritize - what actions will most bring me closer to my goals - short, medium and long-term? To do this, I first give a highlight of them:

  1. Short-term: Overall self-development (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual), particularly in interpersonal skills, and especially in leadership, along with active and frequent socialization in a wide variety of venues, with the end goal of positively influencing others towards becoming the best versions of themselves.
  2. Medium-term: Create and reinforce social circles, clubs and organizations with similar purposes to mine, project widespread influence both offline and online, with the goal of building a prosperous business that not only brings in large amounts of revenue, but provides great value to others via educational and inspiring material, giving opportunities to grow and form connections within a group and gives a vision towards both self and societal improvement to follow and build on themselves.
  3. Long-term: To build a widespread base of influence both online and offline by which I can be a powerful and positive influence on my community and beyond, to create a new culture by which people, especially the next generation, can be brought up in healthy ideals (especially in the areas of win-win power dynamics, self-improvement and devotion to a larger cause), and ultimately play my part to reverse the decline, revive our civilization and set a better example for those who come after us.


Finally, what decisive action can I take that furthers the goal the most? Where do I need to focus myself? What is the pivot point that moves everything else?

To do this, I will narrow down from broad to specific:

  1. Overall self-improvement, self-care, and pursuit of Purpose.
  2. As above, with a focus on interpersonal relationships and specializations thereof - Power Dynamics, Game, storytelling, networking, influence, etc.
  3. Within that, focus specifically on Leadership, and especially on high power + warmth value-adding leadership, and especially there by leading by example and inspiration in being my best self, causing others to grow into theirs'.

To do this, I am starting by reading Lucio's 'How to Be A Leader' now. The part about 'servant leadership' is especially resonant, as my goal is to both work within groups and upgrade them and those within one step at a time.

I will continue to write about the refinement of my vision and the actions towards that over time, as well as how Power Dynamics plays into this. Till then everyone, take care!

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Lucio BuffalmanoZenDancer

Progress is ongoing - despite a sudden illness the last few days (thankfully, NOT COVID-19) that inhibited intense physical exertion (i.e. working out), I was able to keep momentum by studying Power Dynamics and Game, working on a long-term to short-term planner for my life and sharpening my storytelling and presentation skills by signing up for an online Play-by-Post game again. Additionally, I started to actively observe my voice, speaking patterns and posture in preparation for more deliberate and purposeful communication, both offline and online. I decided to see the sickness not as a fault, but an asset - I worked myself into the ground and rightfully needed to recover, re-calibrate my path and draw up a plan. It has been going well and now I am ready to do some more observations.

There are several topics worth covering in depth - listing them out for current and future reference, they are:

  1. Overall power dynamics and identification of leaders at my church, including myself, with plans on how to expand my influence.
  2. The long-term progression of power maneuvering in my favor with a particular lady both interested in me and highly dominant as well.
  3. Observation of my speaking patterns, posture and overall vibe, with the intention of cultivating focused self-awareness and deliberate communication.

All three are worthy. But since my focus is on interpersonal skills, leadership and Power Dynamics, I am doing the second one first.

Strap in - this is gonna be a LONG post. It is educational, I promise you.


So this story begins six months ago. The context is that this is a woman at church I see every week; I've flirted with her a few times before (and a lot of others of course - I am much more mature and less wantonly flirtatious now), and she's always been the testing for highly dominant men and responding well when the man does type. Personality wise, think a hybrid of your very warm feminine woman and your highly confident Alpha Female type - definitely a high-quality woman well on the way to combining femininity with power. Me-wise, attraction is there, but simultaneously I am focused firstmost on my goals, passions and Purpose, which drowned it out and gave a natural resistance.

Yep. You, especially if you know my history, probably have a good idea of how this dynamic played out. A hint - it resulted in a LOT of growth! Without further ado, let's begin.

I introduce myself to her father and her; the father receives me well. I then address her; she actively ignores me. I redirect my focus to him and my larger purpose while inwardly wishing her well, enjoying my conversation with him. I then go on my way, talking with many other people. Soon after, while I am on my way, she walks past me with haughty posture, stretched and projected out to fully show her figure and staring me down; I hold the stare, feeling calm and blank as I go on my way. This repeats several times over the next few weeks, becoming more sexually overt each time as I hold my ground; playing with her hair, fanning her face and even running her hands around the outline of her body.

Clearly, she sought to have me chase her while holding the upper hand; because I was genuinely intrigued by some of her best qualities (her femininity, nurturing qualities, kindness to others (not me much lol), and her own confidence and pursuit of a larger purpose), I did approach her and struck up a conversation. While I did feel a bit afraid, I still went forward and engaged; she was holding the posture of being interested while also detached and testing my presence; I held firm and confident and she opened up. At the same time, I had some stuff to take care of within and that stopped me from going forward; I went on my way and talked with others. However, showing this confidence here increased my strength and attraction with both her and other women - two of which would go on to have similar reactions to me.

Shortly afterwards, she tried the 'chase me'/'I'm above you' games again. As this dynamic continued over the next month, I remained present and calm - I was and am honestly focused on God, on the mission, on becoming a better man; practicing Semen Retention and Sexual Transmutation towards a larger Sacred Purpose, I remain grounded and strong. This eventually turns towards her ignoring me and acting very haughty while still being attracted to me, deliberately ignoring me while still trying to draw my attention to her. Clearly, she was used to men just looking at and chasing her. But I am committed to something higher than myself. The thought process going through me around this time was something like this:

'Don't flatter yourself. I am sincerely happy with or without you. I am a rapidly growing man with many options and a solid spiritual foundation; I do not need your body or anything else. My body and sexuality are special and not for everyone. I expect more than good looks; I want a woman who embodies feminine grace, supportiveness and kindness, who still has a backbone and values herself as well. Arrogance is not a sign of self-value, but of weakness, and I see it clear as day. I remain kind and grounded with you like anyone else, and truly wish you well, but your attitude is a huge turnoff for me. You get nothing.'

Meanwhile, I still kept talking with her like she was just anybody else, talking with lots of people as well, because I am a man who genuinely enjoys starting conversations and bringing lots of value to others' lives. I remained mobile in body and spirit, expanding my options and continuing to level up in my life. Attraction to her steadily withered away as I continued to  focus on my goals and growing as a man, setting higher standards for myself and others along the way. Confidence swelled as I faced and overcame more and more challenges, also bringing up others along the way. The result of this intense momentum was what I mentioned before - a LOT of attraction from said women, combined with giving off a (largely unintentional) intimidating presence that caused them to either confront or literally turn, walk and even nearly run away from me.

But all that would come home to roost; I would run right into a pit that brought up a LOT of stuff I still needed to work on. One time, when I was simply in a 'let's be friends with everyone!' state, she was trying to play the game again - staring intently at me at an isolated place and waiting for me to approach. I talked with others and casually approached; she held herself aloof, partially looking at me and waiting for me to open her up; again, showing calm confidence, I did. But at the same time, I was subconsciously agitated and angry because I sensed her manipulation and sought revenge (I'm a LOT more mature today lol). I proceeded to, over that day and over the next month, ignore her, friendzone her and flirt with other women in front of her, all the while going into a highly flirtatious and extremely extroverted state where I approached over a hundred women (most of which liked me of course).

That brought up a whole can of worms inside me - where I did and do like her, where I denied myself and my desires, where I was still afraid, immature and broken, where I needed to grow and once again showed the darkest aspects of myself that I REALLY needed to work on. It led to quite the turbulent adventure over the next two to three months that shook me to the core and really forced me to face myself. Eventually, I imploded and crashed; I had to admit my own efforts were not enough and ultimately really get down, break my pride and surrender myself to God. I took accountability while surrendering to Him and really giving space for transformation to work through me. Ultimately, it was a mighty shift for the better - and I am a better man for it today.

Over the last month, and especially recently, I have been seeing the results in a wide variety of avenues - I've hit the gym hard and bulked up, actively made new friends and built bonds with them, invested many resources into major self-improvement, turned around my backslide in school for the better, actively began observing my interactions, pursued my religious life with renewed vigor and started mapping out a short-to-long term course for my life. I exploded forward in many ways while also addressing the flaws that I let myself self-destruct on before while becoming a stronger and more virtuous person in general. Of course, I have a LONG way to go - and I am psyched for the tough journey ahead.

With her and other similar women, I am able to both recognize the dynamics much better and respond to them in a way that is highly dominant while also taking steps to at least show warmth and deescalate - this one is a work in progress. I am able to be incredibly grounded, purposeful, powerful, socially-aware and warmly radiant in the face of high-caliber game players; I am no longer naive while also beginning to calibrate well. I still lean on the brute force side in power struggle situations and definitely still have a cruel streak there - my favorite response still is to utterly steamroll those trying to manipulate me and make a harsh example of them. At the same time, I am learning to be more precise and measured, to deescalate and see the person beneath the games, to not burn so many bridges, to actively creating win-win solutions from a place of strength and to channel my raw will to dominate into healthy ways.

Similarly to the Eastern European model I spoke of before in 'Don't Date that Bitch' and the start of this post, I, inspired by her, have grown much and continue to; I am a far better man for it. And the journey continues - I stand to learn greatly from her and the other ladies in my life.

Keeping up the passionate momentum as always, and till next time, be blessed - and a Happy Thanksgiving!

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Testing out Lucio's excellent set of diagnostic questions today on both the above and similar situations:

  1. Can I catch the power move? - In general, yes, except if I'm preoccupied with something else to the point of forgetting about others, whatever it's a personal mission or approaching and connecting with new people or just plain having fun. I rapidly recover then, so that's good.
  2. Analysis/Root Causes - When and why do above power moves tend to happen, and how do I contribute to them?
    1. Personality/Behavior - These power moves tend to happen with highest frequency when I am especially ambitious, driven and on my mission, behaving in a very dominant and overtly expressive and energetic way and overall fully embracing my masculine energy - with everything it involves. I take confrontation head on and am not afraid to escalate. I definitely have been described as coming on too strong before. And I am relentless with my passions and drives. While I don't start conflicts, I swiftly and decisively END them.
    2. Did I have it coming? In some situations, yes - with the young man trying to one-up me three years ago for example, I unnecessarily escalated, didn't deescalate and left bad blood after. With different women testing me, I would steamroll them with my communication, presence and strength of will until they broke, looked away or fled. Pure primal savage warrior energy, baby! The resultant reactions after are consistent with showing High Power/Low Warmth. I do have a tendency for turning skirmishes into wars - the underlying thought is 'oh you want to cross me? LET'S FUCKING END THIS NOW!'
    3. Power Dynamics - I haven't gotten competition or envy from men for a long while now, because of several things: I show quality man traits and hang out with quality men, I actively build them up and recognize their own talents and I show that I work hard, especially in the gym. That part is solved. The second part is simply women looking for strength, and in some cases love - all well and good. The first I more than offer, the second? LOL NO. I got MUCH bigger things to do! Frontiers to conquer, challenges to overcome, things to create, people to bring together, skills to learn and so on! If I see someone as getting in the way of that I crush them.
    4. Social Skills - Whoooooo boy. Yeah, I'm failing to develop win-win relationships with the women who test me hard - although I'm good at doing so with other masculine men and people in general. I love bringing my inner barbarian out and psychologically clubbing them over the head when they try shit. I'm comfortable with my savagery and enjoy cutting loose. I love turning the tables and utterly dominating them. The lesson here is obvious - employ my aggression when need be and pursue win-win solutions when they change around - or cut them out of my life if they don't.
    5. People - The nervous man from before, no, and the women in general, no; only with me. They aren't pure value-takers either. It really is me and I take complete accountability for that.
  3. What exactly happened -
    1. What it meant to me was that someone was trying to take away my freedom, to constrain and control me, to make me live by their rules and judgment and customs, to suppress who I am, to bend me to their will and purpose instead of respecting mine. I saw it as transgression against my land when I did nothing, an invasion to be decisively put down and a person to be made a harsh example of.
    2. Did I lose power and status? With the young man, no in the short-term, decisively yes in the longer-term. With the women, no, and in fact I greatly gained it.
    3. How did it frame me and my interactions? As a High Power/Low Warmth person worthy of respect and fear, not to be crossed. As someone superior to and capable of dominating the interaction and stronger, freer and more powerful than them.
  4. Analysis: Deeper Solutions - 
    1. Should I address deep-seated behavior in myself? Yes. A lot of this is subconscious and I only realize it in the aftermath - I sold myself the narrative that I'm innocent of this, that they're violating my land and therefore they deserve the most brutal solutions I can offer. I see myself as righteous, them as evil and as targets to be annihilated by any means necessary. In truth, we are all morally-complex beings, both animals and higher beings, and people in general deserve both compassion and a strong, guiding hand when they desire it. The origin of this was being bullied in school, and learning that to survive and overcome I had to be powerful, ruthless and decisive. I learned to use fear, cruelty and cunning early on, along with more than a bit of crazy willingness to do what it took to win, even if it meant harming myself in the process, in order to prevail. I tapped into this savage instinct later on to pull myself out of the pit I dug myself into and drive myself forward to greater success. I reflexively go to this when I see someone trying to push my boundaries - wipe them out or subdue them utterly. Consciously, I understand the difference, but subconsciously I'm still running off that old program.
    2. Should I address mindsets and/or beliefs? Yes. It's GOOD to have that raw, savage aggression and determination there - it's what drives my relentless pursuit of success, as well as my desire to look after others, ESPECIALLY the weak, young and vulnerable. Instinctively, I take every such transgression personally and as an immediate threat to my survival. But we are more than our instincts, and I serve others better by being more measured and proportionate with my responses, as well as deescalating and seeking win/win solutions after. Creating cycles of revenge, terrified defeated foes and toxic dynamics solves nothing. I believe in being a powerful, protective and caring leader, especially in turbulent times like this, because it's what people need - along with the willingness to go savage against what is evil in the world when need be. While I don't hold grudges, I brutally lash out in the moment, and I've burned more than a few bridges that way. Keeping my eye on a longer goal, serving a larger purpose and leading my instincts in a higher direction, while still being able to get down and dirty when need be, is the way to go.
    3. Should I improve my skills? Yes. Deescalation skills for one; negotiation and seeking win-win solutions too. With women particularly, still definitely hold my ground and put them in their place, but use only as much force as is needed and deescalate after. See this instinctively not just as the caveman dominance-submission dynamic (although it IS definitely that too), but as the more civilized bond-creating and affirming experience as well. The bright side is that I instinctively get dominance in a very primal way - predator and prey, survival of the fittest, etc. It's pitiless, loveless and amoral; lethal, calm and decisive. It can wreak great destruction, yet isn't sadistic and is ultimately egoless - a force of nature, a primal energy, vitality and power. It's only when I filter it through ego and moral offense that it gets off track. I strongly suspect I have some psychopathic tendencies; amoral instinct, recklessness and a strong interest in power among them. So be it; how do I channel it well? The lesson here is to, again, lead it purposefully while honoring its nature, combining dominance with love, strength with warmth - even if I don't seem to get it in that context at least.
  5. Analysis - Immediate Solutions:
    1. Largely what I said above. Preemptively, aim to project both strength and warmth - go for a 'I have and am cultivating value, and I am here to win alongside you - but don't fuck with me' Frame. Actively focus on and live it.
    2. Run it in my head - roughly the same result as before: kind until crossed, then overwhelming retaliation. Run over 1 again and add: 'I will ruthlessly crush you if you cross me, but build you back up after better than before.' Result: being dreaded, being kept a safe distance from. Again: 'I forgive after and I will work with you towards greater goals - but I do not forget. Win with me for mutual joy; leave me alone if this is unacceptable; reckon with me at your peril.' Much better result - closer to what I am looking for.
    3. I already know people who turned much kinder to me after I showed that I am not to be crossed. And I have forgiven, deescalated and even befriended them in the past. This works; I have done this before. I can do it again.
    4. Shared solutions here.
    5. To be acted on.
Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Rock on Kellvo, great introspection and self-analysis.

Kellvo has reacted to this post.
Community, new content and Confidence University moved here.

Thanks man! Your work here inspires me to give my best.

On that topic, I've been putting in the Inner Work on my aggression and how to manage it in a healthy way. To do this, I started by reading over my past posts to notice the patterns involved. Then I observed the triggers, emotional responses and justifications - noticing that aggression follows a consistent pattern (indignation, dehumanization, then aggression), I short-circuited it by recognizing several things. One, I'm not righteous either; I definitely make mistakes and done more than my share of evil deeds. Second, the people involved are human too, they have their own reasons I do not see and their own fears and insecurities too. Third, I remind myself that excessive aggression does a lot more harm than good, compromises my long-term power and, like passivity and passive-aggression is ultimately a sign of weakness, not strength.

The next step was to honestly sit down and feel it - I knew where it came from and what it is here to do (keep me safe, especially from being controlled and harmed by others), so I took the time to feel my fear (tensing in center of chest, crouching and simultaneously tensing arms, hands and legs ready to attack) and then accepted and breathed into it. Immediately, they started opening back up, and I noticed several things - that as I accepted my own fear and had compassion for it, I was able to do the same with others'; I saw more productive means of fulfilling my goals (security and freedom) in a more assertive and less unnecessarily aggressive way. I was also able to empathize with others' fears and their ways of manifesting them, why they were afraid, and recognize more of the person as a whole. I found it easier to accept others and am now able to see myself handling previously mentioned situations in a more mature way.

The results of this are severalfold - I find it easier to be even more confident, strong and capable in all I do. My drive, energy and determination are all still there, and I am still more than capable of being dangerous when need be, but at the same time it is calmer, sharper and more focused. I am much more easily able to see myself competently leading others, by action, authority and example. I find it easier to more completely express myself without apology while being sincerely interested in others as well. I am more able to set and focus on long-term goals. And the women noticed too - I'm getting even more attraction, both more broadly and stronger, ease of being and communicating with and ability to build rapport with them than before.

I know I made a breakthrough, and I'm excited to keep on learning.

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

As I work on my finals today, I am in awe as I watch my new mind continue to consolidate and stabilize. Dominance in all its forms, subtle and overt, supportive and combative alike, is increasingly a part of my life. I am able to command a room, lifting up its mood, adding value to others and attracting plenty of positive attention in the process. I have proactively led my friends on several hikes, setting a positive example by taking intelligent risks and showing courage from the front. I am easily able to engage whole groups at once, walk into whole classrooms (with teacher absent) and communicate with all the students there and easily maneuver through my gym, school and church alike, building on and planting the seeds of new connections with many different people.

As for the manipulative woman I mentioned before, I have successfully terrorized her, causing her to flinch and flee instinctively on strong eye contact and other displays of dominance, actively avoid, ignore and move away from me and overall completely ceased any attempt from her to control me. Before I also shit tested her and had her qualifying herself to me, got her social circle to basically confirm she liked me and outmaneuvered her by continuing to stay mentally free, making connections with more people and successfully flirting with more women in all my social circles. I have also continued to self-improve, work on insecurities and flaws and increased my desirability to other women. I have successfully took back any power I lost and more, exacted my revenge and used my clash with her as an opportunity to grow exponentially.

And the beautiful thing about my act of vengeance? I am utterly calm about it. No regrets. No anger nor wish for her suffering, nor joy; just superiority and the knowing that the deed is done. I let the last traces of the 'nice guy' who wouldn't do such a thing die. I completely owned myself. I embraced my power. And I embrace the leadership role, over self and others, that I am walking into as opportunity to make a better world in my vision. All this growth and contribution is with a mission - to serve others effectively, to actively form prosocial bonds, to raise up the weak and vulnerable. Likewise, to wage decisive warfare in all arenas when need be, to be a formidable force that can protect others and to tap into the darkest elements of my character to bring overwhelming violence in service to a larger cause than myself.

I am clear, calm and powerful. And I am moving forward.

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