Ever met a girl you liked…
… And she never replied to your texts?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
And this article will teach how to text a girl to get dates.
Contents
1. Set The Date in Person
This is about how to text girls, not “how to ask girls out via text”.
Why not?
Because there is an easier, more effective way. And that’s the good old “in-person” way.
2. Send an Ice-Breaker Text
You will send the first text a few hours after having met her, and ideally within the same day. If you’re busy and you forget, just do it ASAP as soon as you remember.
The very first text you will send is a simple “nice to meet you” type of text.
It serves a few key functions:
- Breaks the texting ice
- Opens the new communication channel
- Reminds her your name
- Saves your number in her phone (if she hasn’t done in front of you)
Simple and effective. Plus the comment on her dog invites a further reply
First Text Examples
Here are a few first texts examples:
- Nice meeting you X –(your_name)
- Pleasure running into you X, I hope Y (whatever she was doing) went well 🙂 –(your_name)
- Nice meeting you X, save my number –(your_name)
A quick mention on the last one: you will use it when she hasn’t saved your number in front of you. When that’s the case, this message has the great advantage of her following your lead: exactly the type of relationship you want.
Otherwise, I like the second a lot. It’s short and considerate at the same time, and often elicits a response.
2. Second Text + Date
The second text that you will send her will:
- Show you remember her
- Tell something more about you
- Possibly ask for the date already
- Overall, confirm that you’re a well-adjusted man
The structure is:
- Write her name
- Ask and/or comment about what she said (her weekend or plans)
- Add some information about you (possibly something interesting)
- Move to schedule the date
If you can make her 3 & 4 consequential great (ie.: I tried this amazing coffee place, when are you free so I can show it to you), but it doesn’t necessarily have to.
Second Text Examples
You: Hey Jane, how are you, I hope your Sunday zoo turned out awesome! Did you see the pandas? :D. I left early Friday and then worked all weekend, daaamn. Only positive: being productive feels good! :).
On our coffe, how’s your schedule this week? Except of Monday and Wednesday I’m open so far, lemme know your free days and we’ll set it up.
- Make her part of the text match your part (or your part slightly longer is OK)
- Balance “I” with “You”
- Don’t be afraid to make your 2nd text this slightly longer
3. Confirm The Date Text
One of the biggest rookie’s mistake is to believe that just because someone said something, it’s going to happen.
Instead, on the day of the date, send her a text to confirm the appointment is still on. I usually do so in the morning if the date is in the evening.
Date Day Text Example
Something like:
You: Hey Vivian, I wanted to quickly confirm for today. See you at 7pm at Subway X
At the time of writing this guide, I’m not 100% sure which one of the two options to recommend you. The first is more dominant and some girls like it.
But to some other girls, it can feel annoying that you’re dictating and taking her time for granted without taking them into consideration.
How to Text a Girl: Special Tricks
These are some good psychological tools that will increase your chance of meeting up:
1. Ask Her if She’s Safely Back Home
Here a simple, neat trick to increase the chances she will reply to your text by ten folds: ask her if she has gotten safely back home.
This is an extremely helpful technique because whether she replies or not to your first text makes a huge difference.
You will indeed few women who haven’t replied to your first text.
2. Make a Small Change to Assume The Confirmation
One issue with setting up dates in person and then confirming via text is that:
- Time passes and things (and emotions) change
- She might not write the date down on her calendar
- People are not very likely to stick to oral commitments
- Written commitment have much higher follow-through rates
How do you use this information to make sure your date sticks? Well, here’s the trick that I use:
Send her a text changing the time of the meet
Then ask her “OK for you”?
It will do a few great things for you:
- Remind her of the meeting in written form
- Make her confirm in written form
- Show you’re busy and in demand (many demands on your time)
- Let her follow your lead once again
You change the time in an insignificant amount, like half an hour, so that it won’t make any real difference, but that will reach the above four goals.
Alternatively, if changing time even by a small amount is not possible, send her a text specifying the exact location. Your goal is to have her confirm that yes, it’s OK.
Something like:
You: Hey Christina, do you know Subway X at all? It has many exits, so let’s make Exit B Tuesday at 7pm
3. Straight to Date Text
If your first meeting went very well, you can combine the first message into the first greeting and into the dating confirmation.
When to Text Her: Timeline
When texting a girl properly, timing is everything.
Some elements of timing you can’t control unluckily. You don’t know what she’s doing and sometimes all it takes is an unanswered text at the wrong time of her day and your chances sink.
However, you shouldn’t worry about what you can’t control. Your task is to maximize your chances, and this timeline helps you do just that:
You: Pleasure to have made your acquaintance, Jane 😉 – (your_name)
[3 hour later]
Her: Great to meet you too L
[16-36 hours later]
You: Hey Jane, how are you, I hope your Sunday zoo turned out awesome! Did you see the pandas? :D. I left early Friday and then worked all weekend, daaamn. Only positive: I feel good when being productive :).
On our coffe, how’s your schedule this week? Except of Monday and Wednesday I’m open so far, lemme know your free days and we’ll set it up.
[30 minutes later]
Her: The pandas were sooooo cute! :D. How about Tuesday evening?
[20 minutes later]
You: Pandas are the best :D. Tuesday is good, let’s say 7pm at X, good for you?
[15 minutes later]
Her: Yes, see you then!
[10 minutes later]
You: Cool, see you Tuesday Jane, I wish you a good night 🙂
[5 minutes later]
Her: Good night!
[Tuesday, 11 AM]
You: Good morning Jane, I wanted to quickly confirm for later at 7pm, are you still up for it? See you later.
[20 minutes later]
Her: Yes, see you later, right outside the subway
[5 minutes later]
You: Let’s meet on the square at exit A, it’s easier to find 🙂
Power Move Note: I never like girls telling me where we should meet, I correct just to take the lead. Consider doing the same.
[Tuesday, 6:30 PM]
You: Hey Jane, are you on time?
[Tuesday, 6:35 PM]
Her: Just a few minutes late, on the way!
[Tuesday, 11:35 PM]
You: Hey Jane, I had good time with you, I wish you a good night
[Wednesday, 00:15 AM]
Her: I had a good time with you too, good night!
How to Text Her In Difficult Situations
And now let’s get into what is possibly the most interesting part of this guide. The special situations and some psychology of texting.
1. She Replies But It Goes Nowhere
When it takes her too long or she gives you nothing: call her. It shows you mean business and will force her to come up with an answer.
Here is one such example:
And right after the call:
Note: I didn’t use her name in this example. It was my mistake because I hadn’t saved her number right away and later forgot.
2. If She Proposes Alternatives: Refuse
If she proposes you an alternative to the two of you meeting on a date, think of it this way:
- Does it help the two of you getting together, yes or no?
Any time it’s “no”, refuse.
But don’t give up.
See this example:
3. When There Is No Time: Push
There are some situations where you are either leaving the place or she is leaving.
In those situations, it’s do or die, so all the rules on not chasing go out the window and double texting and pushing are fair game.
In this example, she was leaving in two days, and my “let me know if you can make it” forces her to say yes or no.
4. If She Flirts, Don’t Go Caveman
It won’t happen often, but some women will test you a bit with sexual stuff.
My recommendation is that you don’t take the bait here and do not go caveman.
That’s what most guys would do, and they reveal their cards too quickly.
Only escalate sexually on text if you can meet her right away or if you can keep the sexual emotions riding high for a long time -which is not easy-.
Otherwise, emotions will come crashing down and rarely she’ll be excited to meet you later.
Notice that I don’t let her down by avoiding the topic altogether.
I validate her and give her a reply that makes her feel wanted. But my answer doesn’t go overboard. It builds a sexual atmosphere but more in a sensual way, without going caveman.
And then goes back to normal.
P.S.: if a girl is talking to you about other men it’s either you are in the friendzone or… She likes you. If there is sexual chemistry, it’s a strong sign she likes you.
Also read:
And here is a good video on text flirting:
5. If She’s “Spontaneous”: Cut That Crap
Some girls will eventually drop on you the “spontaneous” line. They like being spontaneous or they will meet you “spontaneously”.
Don’t let them get away with that. Two bad things will happen if you accept it and check back with them later:
- You allow them to stall you
- They get in control of the interaction
- You chase them when you check in on their “spontaneous” schedule
What to do then?
You pin them down, right there and then, on proper behavior. Proper behavior, of course, is to plan and make it happen.
If the girl likes you, or often even if she’s uncertain about you, she will like you more right after you pin her down (of course :).
See a case in point:
Note: better doing it jokingly than sternly. It’s easy coming across the wrong way in text.
also read:
5. If She Blows Up: Good!
Sometimes you will make a bit too mean of a joke, or she is a little bit too touchy. Or maybe she’s just very invested in you and what you say matters a lot to her.
Whatever the reason, it’s not an uncommon occurrence that some women can get snippy or even hurl some insults at you.
Here’s how you handle it:
- Don’t reply right away (or you look reactive)
- Let her stew on her mistake (make her fear she alienated you)
- Do NOT take a step back or apologize
Not too dissimilar from “handling a boss yelling at you“.
However, remember this: anger and sexual excitement are often two sides of the same coin. You can even piss off women on purpose, but it’s more of an advanced technique.
However, this is “how to text a girl”, and you cannot release that sexual tension while texting.
Depending on the relationship between you two, you can avoid replying. And depending on how aggressive she was, you can demand an apology (and if she was really out of order, you should).
In the example below, I realized I had done a mistake: she WAS trying to impress me. So I didn’t demand an apology but struck a conciliatory tone instead.
However, notice how all the three points above still apply:
6. What If She Cancels The Date?
What if she texts you to cancel the date?
If she cancels in advance and sounds apologetic about it, it’s OK.
Tell her “no problem”, then drop it and call her a few days later to ask how are tings and reschedule.
If she cancels on the same day, without warning you in advance or in a curt manner, I recommend you do not reply.
And some of them, will turn around:
What to Text When She Doesn’t Reply
If she doesn’t reply you have to go for some scramble therapy.
Here’s a format you can follow:
- Day 1: first text
(no reply)
- Day 2: second text
(no reply)
- Phone call
After two non replies, you need to change medium. This means call her. If she replies: chit chat and ask for a date.
But if still no reply:
- Switch medium
Go from texts to Whatsapp, or from Whatsapp to texts or to calling.
If still no reply:
- “Now or never” last text
In your last text you will say something like:
“hey, I tried to reach you a few times now but I cannot be the only one to make an effort :). It’s your turn now. If you’re not completely against the idea of a drink, let me know.
All the best,
X
Read more on what to do when she doesn’t reply:
Calls VS Text
The last word on calls VS texts.
When the topic of “how to text a girl” comes up, there are usually two camps: “you don’t text, you call her”; and “texting is better”
As usual, I am of the opinion that any black and white is wrong most of the times.
There are times to call and times to text.
On average though, yous should prioritize texting.
The reason why? It’s not just about what you like, but what most women like.
And most women nowadays prefer texts, and especially so with people they aren’t yet too close with.
One of the reasons some men say you should call is because it shows you’re not afraid. And Aziz in Modern Romance says that indeed many men are afraid of calling. But here is the twist: many women are afraid of picking up!
So what happens, often, is that you call to show you’re a direct, “brave” man and she ends up dodging you. And if you two are not close, a single time of her dodging you spells doom for your chances in 90% of the instances.
Which is one of the reasons why I recommend you stick to texts.
Unless… Unless she doesn’t reply twice in a row. Then try to go for a call, but please expect your call might not be extremely well received :).
Other exceptions when to go to for calls:
- Her texts are super brief
- You cannot manage to pin her down on a date
- She calls you first (don’t go back to texts if that’s the case)
- You call her, she picks up and it goes well (stick to calls afterward)
The Texting Commandments
- You shall text with an objective in mind
- You shall not be her chat-pal
- You shall not send too long texts
- You shall think before you text
- You shall not get sidetracked by her questions
- You shall ask her out quickly
- You shall make it easy for her to say yes
- You shall not accept friendly invites
- You shall assume she will say yes
- You shall confirm the date on date-day
And here is a diagram on how to text a girl well:
Summary
This is a simple and effective process to text girls.
It’s not meant to make you spend a lot of time texting, but in taking you from texting, to dates.
No, it won’t completely remove any instance of flaky girls, non-replies and go-nowhere texts. But it’s as close as possible to transform those phone numbers into dates and lovers.
