How to Sexually Escalate With Women (3 Steps)

man grabs a woman buttocks

Sexual escalations are one of the key transition phases of any seduction.

And it’s one of the toughest ones to learn.

Luckily, in this article we are going to learn exactly how to sexually escalate with women, in the most effective way possible (proven and tested).

man grabs a woman's ass as sexual escalation


This is the issue that stumps most guys:

You seldom get a total green light from a woman when you make your “first move”.
Many times instead, you get a lukewarm reaction, or even a rejection.

And how you handle those “less than total green lights” makes the difference between successful seductions, and failed ones.

Let’s dig deeper:

Sexual Escalations Power Dynamics

At the highest level:

The more you get rejected, the more power you lose.

And the same general principles of power dynamics apply to sexual escalations:

sexual escalation power dynamics matrix
The more you pursue sex without getting sex, the more disempowered you are.
The more smoothly you get to sex, the high-power you are.

Avoiding the “low-power” quadrant

Rejections are particularly harmful when they’re strong, closely spaced, and poorly handled.

For example, men who try incessantly without moving forward expend lots of effort without results. And men who get emotionally affected “thread-expand” those rejections and spoil the mood.
In both cases, the frame of you (unsuccessfully) chasing and she refusing becomes stronger.
And the stronger that frame becomes, the more power and attraction you lose.

That also applies to “token resistance” from women who otherwise like you.

So, how do you properly escalate to sex?
This is how:

1. Start When She’s Ready

So simple, yet so foundational.

Prevention beats cure.

When you start too early, you’re almost bound to get (strong) rejections.
Starting too early can derail seductions even with women who liked you, but needed a bit more time.

Correct prevention hinges on:

  1. Calibration by reading the signs of her “readiness”
  2. Mindset of a seducer rather than a notch-collector

1.2. Mindset: Think Of Your Place As A Seduction Alcove

Some men equate their place with quick sex (I was one of them).

That mindset frames any resistance or delays, no matter how reasonable and genuine, as “games” and “unneeded waste of time”.
Albeit this mindset can lead to fast intimacy, it also makes you less effective with women who simply need some more time and comfort.

Better than to view your place as “another step along the way of seduction”, a “place to savor and deepen your intimacy” (in the larger sense of “growing closer”).

Some practical steps:

  1. Develop rapport during the date
  2. At home, initially, focus on her comfort: many women are wary of entering a new space alone with you.
    To smoothen that transition and help her acclimatize:
    1. Show her your place: a quick tour makes the new place feel “known” and safer
    2. Spend some time in “intermediate locations”: a rooftop, the pool, or simply the kitchen in your house
    3. Sit on the couch: If she’s not ready for the bed, sit on the couch with a drink, a laptop for music, or a TV
  3. Verbalize that she’s safe: If you spot fear, verbalize it. Say “you’re safe here, OK?” or “that’s the door, we can go whenever we want”.
  4. Frame sex with you as her win: for example, the chance of growing closer, starting something serious, or the pleasure side of it (“sexual prizing”)
  5. Make her horny: rather than “getting sex”, focus on making her want it

1.3. How To Gauge Her Readiness Before The Move

Here’s what to look for:

  • How quickly she undresses

Women can use clothes as barriers.

If she keeps, coat, mask, and shoes, she might not yet be fully comfortable.

Conversely, when I see a woman who’s down to her sundress… I know that she’s comfortable and probably good to go (I take her right then and there and rarely have any resistance).

  • How comfortably she moves around your place

Women who walk around and touch things are often excited.
Make a move building on that excitement, and things often move fast.

  • How much she talks (compared to her baseline behavior)

Talking communicates either comfort, or an effort to reduce internal tension.

Both are good signs.
Make your move.

  • Her behavior when first sitting down

For example:

Does she place something on her, between you two (including empty space), or pulls her skirt down?
Those are attempts to have barriers between you two.

2. Start With Power-Effective (& Temperature-Testing) Baby-Steps

You can think of “big move” VS “baby steps” similar to “direct VS indirect approach“.

Direct approach is ballsy and if it goes well, you’re flying.
But indirect maintains your power in more situations.
And when you’re not sure, it’s better to maintain more power.

Same for escalation: if you’re not sure, start with a “smaller move”.
If it won’t well, smaller move equals smaller rejection. So it won’t hurt you as much. And you can more easily and smoothly minimize it and move on.

Finally, baby steps also allow you to test her buying temperature, rather than just observing.

2.2. Baby-Stepping: Shisha Example

A guy I know has a shisha home.

painting of two scantily clad women around in a shisha parlo

He uses it both as a “seed” to invite girls home, and as a prop for baby-stepping.

He takes a drag himself, looks at her as he exhales, and says “smell the scent”.
Then he blows shisha smoke from mouth to mouth with his hand in between. Then removes the hand and goes for the mouth-to-mouth smoke, then makes out, and then takes it from there.

2.3. Tips For Baby-Stepping

Here’s how to use baby-stepping for both escalation and “gauging temperature”:

  • Increase touching, see how she reacts

Start light, and see how she reacts.

If at home, wrap your arm around her, see how she reacts.

If she pulls away or is uncomfortable, bad sign.
If she appreciates, good sign.

sexual escalation with romantic touching
Touching you back, or just touching you in general, is often a great signal
  • Get up to do something, go back sitting closer, see how she reacts

Get up for something (glass of water, restroom, or getting something).

Then sit closer to her when you’re back.
See how she reacts.
If she stays, make your move a little later.
If she pulls away, spend some more time.

  • Use in-between places for the first movegauging

In-between places are places between your date and your place.

They’re great because women feel safer, and have lower in-built resistance.

For example, if you got an elevator, lean in and kiss her neck in the elevator.

As soon as you kiss the neck, pull away so she knows you’re still “normal”.

If she stands still, it’s a good sign. If she caresses your or gets closer, you can start escalating as soon as you’re home.

If she resists a little bit, make her more comfortable before you start escalating.

From my experience, a girl is more likely to well-receive your first move in an elevator, than at home.

  • Baby-step escalation, but pull back first (teasing)

Move closer to her face, or run your hand on her thigh… But pull back first.

Do it a few times, then go all the way.

Tip: If You’re Starting Out, Escalate Sooner Rather Than Later

If you’re afraid of making the move, then learning is higher priority.

In that case, make your move early.

As a matter of fact, give yourself a timer: make your move within 10 minutes.

3. Use A “Slow But Steady” Tidal Escalation Process

Tidal escalation means to forge ahead in baby steps, slow but steady.

Neither baby-stepping nor tidals are my favorite approaches.

But they’re our #1 method for sexual escalation because they’re effective.

When a woman is hot and ready you can take her hand and move (almost) anywhere to bang.
The thing is: tidal escalation ALSO works with those women.
Just a little less fast and maybe less power. But you still get there.

Where this approach makes the difference is with women who are on the fence, potentially warming up to you, but need some more time.
You lose many of those women if you go too fast or too dominant.
But you can get together with a large number of them with the tidal wave.
And that includes a lot of shier, more girlfriend-material types of women.

The tidal wave is the perfect analogy to move forward, but without big jolts that can derail the seduction or spoil the mood.

Early pick-up artists talked about “2 steps forward, 1 step back”.
It means that you make your move not to go all the way at once, but simply to advance.

In a perfect tidal escalation you want to pull back before she resists and rejects you.
Then, when you re-initiate, you go further than before, without ever prompting her to stop you.
Rejections are fine, but still… Getting intimate without ever being rejected is a good “ideal goal” to aim to (and might as well be the “ideal seduction”).

3.2. Principles of Tidal Escalation

You want to:

  1. Strike when she’s ready
  2. Start with baby step: small move, rather than huge ones
  3. Minimize rejections: how significant or insignificant rejections are, in good part, depends on you and how you react:
    1. Think and believe nothing major happened: and congruent action will follow
    2. Act like nothing happened: keep on doing whatever you were doing normally
    3. Talk a bit right after: it sub-communicates that you’re unfazed
    4. Complete the move: this is more advanced and you must be careful with it. But if your move was not sexually intrusive, you can “push through” and complete it. For example, if you went for a kiss on the neck and she pulled away, push through or even hold her (careful with that!). Then limit yourself to a pecker and immediately pull back (see Seduction University)
  4. Stop soon after a rejection: not always immediately after or it might seem like she’s dictating the tempo. But soon after she stops you, stop. That way, rejections remain smaller and mostly inconsequential
  5. Take breaks between rejections: to avoid the “lots of effort / no result” low-power quadrant
  6. Rebuild power in-between your advances (and, often, rebuild comfort as well): you lose some power after she stops you, so take breaks to rebuild power and comfort
  7. Keep effort balanced: remember the basics of dating power dynamics. To keep it balanced, make her contribute. Tell her to sit close, to go get a glass, to pick a song, etc.

3.3. Tidal Escalation Process (+ Calibration): Example

What I used to do in Berlin was to:

  1. Enter the house, say something about it: what you like, why it’s messy, why it’s so clean… Simple stuff to get you talking
  2. Shoes out in the entrance
  3. Take her coat/offer a water
  4. Show her the place
  5. Go to the kitchen
  6. Show the lights

    Gauge her reaction: a woman raptly listening is accepting his power

  7. Introduce the “surprise” of the Bluetooth speaker in the lamp*

    Gauge her reaction: lots of “wow” often hide sexual excitement rather than tech excitement

  8. Play something with my phone

    Gauge her reaction: IF she gets close, then:

  9. Take her hand and move her towards me

    Gauge her reaction: IF she embraces me or stays, then:

  10. Take her hand and move to the bedroom

  11. Kiss her neck again there: if accepts, start making out

    Gauge her reaction: if she accept but doesn’t want to make out, grope each other and if she participates, move to the bed. If you’re making out, make out a few seconds and then move to the bed.
    If she’s still stand-offish, move to the couch.

This escalation process is effective because it self-calibrates to move at the right speed.
Resistances are smaller resistances to smaller steps, so they never frame me as over-chasing, never spoil the mood, and never derail seductions.

*You can swap “lights” and “speaker” for whatever you have, albeit I do recommend a phone-handled controller so that she can get close to you.

PRO Tip: Look & ask for participation

Better than reacting is participating.

When the woman participates, for example, hugs you back, that’s a far stronger signal than just “not moving away”.

As mentioned already, we advise that you even ask for her participation.
For example: tell her to switch on the lamps, take the glasses, open the bottle, or pick a song.

3.4. Real-Life Example of Tidal Escalation

First, a pictorial image:

timing of tidal sexual escalation

In red are physical escalation or semi-physical escalation (such as telling her to sit closer and then putting an arm around her).

This was a “first date at home” arrangement.
And, generally speaking, first dates at home tend to be tidal waves (and it’s best to approach them as tidal waves).

Notice that it’s a full 1 hour 10 minutes before I make a move.
And it’s another hour before I make the “final move” of moving to the bed.
It was probably over-conservative and an earlier move would have been totally fine -or even better-.
But as long as it’s not so long that the mood and chemistry fizzle out, you’re good.

You can listen to the audio here:

Example in Seduction University

Notice that as the escalation gets more intimate the talking time is not only briefer, but also with a lower tonality.

3.5. Tips For Max Effectiveness

Further tips:

When things heat up, increase the intensity

The more things heat up, the fewer breaks you want in between your moves.

When it’s “on” you can then make the final move to go for full sex.

Signs that it’s “on”:

  • She’s comfortable with her hands on you (possibly on your dick)
  • She enjoys making out
  • You’re groping her (possibly touching her vagina)

90% of the women at this point should be good to go.

For the most conservative, still the same: stop and chill for a bit.
Then re-initiate.

You then move to the bed when:

  • She’s kissing you passionately
  • She lets you rub her vagina and/or moves with you when “dry humping”
  • Her hands are on you and/or seek your dick without you putting it there

And the ultimate sign:

  • She starts panting and moaning

Kiss The Neck, Not The Mouth

The kiss on the mouth feels like a “big move”.

That increases the odds of rejection, and it’s a big deal rejection -she does not want to kiss you-.
Bad for power dynamics, bad for attraction, and only leads to more resistance down the road.

So kiss her on the neck instead.
Feels like a “smaller” move, allows you to better gauge her reaction, and has higher chances of being accepted.

Also, if you’re moving quickly and/or going for the lover strategy, you don’t need to kiss at all.

Be More Sexual On The Date If You Only Have a Bed At Home

Generally speaking, we don’t recommend kissing on the date.

But there are exceptions.

If your place only has a bed or ugly single chairs, it might be a good idea to escalate more before going back home.

That is because the jump from “date” to “sex location” is huge when she enters a new unfamiliar place and a bed is all there is.
Sitting at the bedside might work, but the odds that she will balk, refuse to enter, or want to leave ASAP are just higher.

So if you can’t baby-step at home, start the sexual escalation before you go in.

Sexual Escalation Mindsets

Some solid sexual escalation mindsets:

  • I like her and as long as we’re here I will keep escalating. She can refuse or leave at any time
  • I like her and will do be my best to make us intimate (if it doesn’t happen, I may not like it, but it’s cool)
  • My duty is to maximize the odds we get intimate. She has the right to refuse (and I may not like that, but will always respect it)
  • Token resistances are part of the dance and sharpen the appetite

Sometimes you can even verbally state those mindsets.
They’re very eagle-like, so they’ll often give you points.

And once again:

Token Rejections Are A Mating Dance

casanova during sexual escalation

Remember this:

Initial rejections are often part and parcel of the mating process.

Some women will put up token resistance during sexual escalation even when they’re making the moves themselves.
Once a woman sat on top of me –she did that- and pushed her bra down –she did that- for me to kiss her breast.
All the while she kept saying “no, Lucio, no” (for women reading here: avoid doing that).
And then more last-minute resistance (LMR) when I moved her to the bed.

So some initial rejections and/or LMR are often unavoidable with some women.
The goal is to avoid seduction-damaging rejections and endless last-minute resistances, but the goal is not to avoid rejections or LMR altogether, at all costs.

Best of all, is to enjoy them.
As Casanova said:

A little resistance sharpens the appetite.
When favor is granted with too much ease it loses a great deal of its charm.

This is an excerpt from Seduction University, where you find the most practical strategies and examples

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