There are two ways to make him value you more: increasing your value, or decreasing his value. They’re not as different as they might seem: they’re really two sides of the same coin.
1. Let Him Look At You First
Oh there you are, I hadn’t seen you!
Kara King in The Power of the Pussy says the natural order of things is that men make the move, women make the choosing. That dynamic starts from the smallest detail: who’s looking at whom.
Predators peer at their preys. Don’t be the predator, let him look at you first. On for the first date, do what most smart women do: pretend you can’t find him and let him come to you while you look around, walk or check your phone.
Once a woman I was waiting for at the entrance of a
2. Disqualify His Crown Jewel
No, I don’t mean his penis as crown jewel -unless that’s his most obvious quality, in which case, yes, the penis-. The crown jewel is the main and most obviously quality that makes him attractive and that he’s proud of.
The idea is that you take his best quality and trivialize it while at the same time implying he needs more.
So imagine he’s a very wealthy man and that’s his most glaring quality. So you’d tell him something like:
You: I hope you’re not one of those guys who thinks money makes him special
It does a few great things for you:
- Denies his “advantage”
- Tells him he needs to come up with something else (qualifying and complying to you)
- Sets yourself as the judge
- Communicates you need more
- Communicates you look beyond superficial stuff
All in one, nice.
Now, the most astute guys will not jump through your hoops. And yet, even those, they can’t help but valuing more.
Here’s an example of a girl executing it to perfection with me:
This worked especially good because she hit the nail on the head. A few of my pictures tend to be “poser’s” picture. And she accomplished all of the above.
3. Parade Your Pursuers
You know this one.
Cialdini and countless studies leave little room for doubters: people want what other people also want. And the dating marketplace, is no exception.
It might be a bit abused and everyone knows it, so use it with caution. Best is if you get him to see it first hand. The best places to turn the tables on him are night venues with lots of alcohol. A bar or a nightclub.
No matter how handsome he is, if you dress sexy a woman will always get more approaches (and he should act like this when guys hit on you).
4. He Scraped By!
…. He can count his lucky stars!
The concept here is to let him feel that one mistake more there, on blunder more here… And he would have gotten the chop. You liked him and cheered for him, but you have very high standards and he had a few moments. He was under heavy scrutiny. That’s the message.
Look at this Tinder date example. She was too childish and I close to walking. But the fact that she displayed such a super high standard, that was a huge point for her.
Rejecting someone raises your value.
Almost rejecting him raises your value, lowers his… And still makes him happy that he made the cut. Win, win, and win again!
To communicate high standards, here’s a couple examples
You: There was that guy with the pony tail hair you were talking to… If he was your friend I’d never have given you my number
If you’re already in a more advanced stage you can look at some situation in your dating past and say:
You: When I asked you to help me and you weren’t sure… I’m glad you came through or we wouldn’t be here now
5. He Was a Such Dork
If the relationship progresses you will eventually get to talk about the first time you meet, and what you thought about each other.
Never say you thought he was a catch, cool or, God forbid, that you were scheming to meet him.
Say you thought he was a bit of a dork instead.
If he was cool, say you weren’t sure about him because he looked so try hard.
He won you over time instead. You’re super happy with him but it’s not like he swept you off your feet… But he’s great.
6. Your Studdy Exes
Value is always relative. Communicating you had great exes does a few good things:
- Signals you’re a high value woman
- Implies you can get equally amazing men
- Keeps him insecure
If you make him feel like he is something special compared to your exes he’ll be the main rooster in your life.
Where else would you go, he will think. And why would ever even think of changing, no matter how he treats you? He’s won by default and he automatically feels stronger in the relationship.
Do like Summer instead, that’s a nice roster of exes she parades:
I hope you too, you had a “Puma” of a boyfriend ;).
7. He is No Sexy God (But a Cuddle Monster)
The guys who are most likely to make you feel inferior are also the guys who have the biggest (/weakest ego). They need to take their partner down so they can feel better by comparison.
These guys are also most likely to feel validated when her partner is very into her, emotionally and even more so, sexually. Sexually is the primal attraction, so starve him on that side. Never show yourself too thirsty or too into his abs, muscles or, God forbid, package.
Then make up for it by treating him more like a big cuddly bear.
When you negate his mostly mannish qualities and slot him for good in the big teddy bear you effectively defang him. And in a very sneaky way, too: he’d never even suspect anything.
8. Undermine His Achievements
In the low-ball technique I go into how to use questions to indirectly bring deficiencies to the surface. You can do the same to indirectly point out flaws he might be self conscious about.
Years ago when I was dumb and inexperienced a girl told me we could go somewhere… If I’d go pick her up.
… And I felt inadequate for not having a car.
You can use the same concept when you need to shorten the distance between you and him. Ask for things he can’t provide, compare him with people he can’t stack up with, and talk of an underwhelming past.
All things that will cool down Mr. too hot to handle.
The first step, like my former GF’s crush says, is to never show you’re impressed, which lowers your market value:
It doesn’t matter how ripped / rich / smart he is. You can always take him down a peg or two by unearthing some shortcomings:
You: Oh that’s a cool Olympic size swimming pool. Is it warmed up for winter swimming?
You: Oh, professor and author, nice. Maybe you know X guy in your field who wrote Y best-seller. I really like him
9. Pinch His Baby Fat
My ex girlfriend was fit and I liked her legs.
I thought it was fun to grab her well defined calves and comment “chub chub” as a joke. We both laughed about it.
Then one day she told me to stop or that would make her insecure. She was too embarrassed to tell me earlier.
There was nothing which could have realistically made her insecure. But that made me think how even the most innocent looking gesture can have far reaching consequences.
You can use the same principle to deflate him. Stereotypes are often the easiest to sheath with a joking semblance:
- Scrawny book warm? Tell him if you should also carry his luggage too
- Gym rat checking the grocery bill? Stroke his head and joke you’ll call an accountant to support
- Dark BF get haughty? He might need some vitamin D shots
10. Ashton Kutcher Is The Hottest (Not You)
Someone else is on Mount Olympus. He can come back to earth
I like understanding people, and that includes their tastes. A conversation I like to have early with women is who they think are the hottest men (and women) around.
I remember asking an ex girlfriend of mine who she thought were the hottest guy on Hollywood. We were left with two people, so we get to finally crown the N.1.
Me: So who’s the hottest then, X or Kutcher?
She: Well, is there really anyone hotter than Ashton Kutcher?
As you notice, I can’t remember who was the second. But I do somehow remember she was so into Kutcher :).
Basically, she had me admit I wasn’t N.1.
You cannot do this with his friends, but with actors and celebs it’s fine (and if it’s not fine you should re-evaluate him).
If you need to use these techniques you’re in a bad relationship. These techniques to make him value more are best served for:
- Knowledge sake
- Friends / colleagues you can’t avoid
- Short term flings
- Extreeeemely sparingly with boyfriends who self aggrandize
I highlight extremely sparingly. A swallow doesn’t make summer so even great men can have a moment of weakness or can unconsciously try to make you feel inferior. In those case, it’s good to know how to even the odds.
And you should probably not look for ways to “balancing it” because it will only take you into you a downward spiral and will make you a worse human being.
That’s why at the beginning I said that increasing your value or decreasing his value are actually are two faces of the same coin. It’s because they both focus on who’s better in a sort of competition-fueled race. The healthy relationship is different. The healthy relationships is about mutual value increase. He builds you up and you build him up.
That’s the kind of relationship you deserve.
This is my summary of all best dating best sellers into one single e-book. A quick shot of dating wisdom: