Are you wondering why some women seem to effortlessly command higher respect, investment, and commitment from men — even very high-value ones?

You have come to the right place.

Before we start, this article explains psychological patterns some women use in relationships — knowing them helps you protect yourself and make smarter choices.”

As a general rule, we recommend you avoid partners who engage in manipulation and nasty dating power moves.

But if you’ve been too naive or too giving without positive calculativeness, this article helps you understand power dynamics, defend yourself, and pick better partners.

Intro

From a general perspective, there are two ways women make men value them more:

1. Increase their (perceived) value
2. Decrease the man’s value

Often, they overlap.

But the second is nastier and rooted in ‘value scalping’ manipulation tactics and games, while the first can be rooted in true self-development.

Let’s start:

#1. She Lets You Come To Her

Oh there you are, I hadn’t seen you!

Kara King in The Power of the Pussy says the natural order of things is that men make the move, and women make the choice.

That dynamic starts from the smallest detail: who’s looking at whom.

Predators peer at their prey.

Women who want to increase perceived value often avoid being the one scanning / chasing visually. Instead, they let the man spot and approach them first.

On the first date, many smart women do this: pretend they can’t find you and let you come to them while they look around, walk, or check their phone.

One time a woman I was waiting for at the entrance of an underground station walked a few meters past me like she was cat-walking.

Then she stopped 10 meters ahead, looked around, and pretended to stop there waiting.

98% of guys fall for it, admire the strut, and feel lucky to be out with her.

Watch for this — it’s common.

#2. She Disqualifies Your Crown Jewel

No, not necessarily your penis — unless that’s genuinely the trait you’re leaning on hardest.

The crown jewel is the main quality that makes you attractive to her / others, the standout trait, or the possession you’re most proud of.

The move is to downplay the trait you rely on most for your confidence and self-esteem.
So imagine you’re a very wealthy man and that’s your most glaring quality. She might say something like:

Her: I hope you’re not one of those guys who thinks money makes him special

It does a few things to you:

• Denies your “advantage”
• Tells you that you need to come up with something else (qualifying and complying with her)
• Sets her as the judge
• Communicates she needs more
• Communicates she looks beyond superficial stuff

All in one, nice.

Now, the most astute guys will not jump through her hoops. And yet, even those start valuing her more.

Here’s an example of a girl executing this with me:

This worked especially well because a few of my pictures tend to be “poser” pictures, so she made me slightly insecure and gave her more power and control. I cared more for her opinion and wanted more for her to “accept me” in spite of my pictures, which also made me value her more.

#3. She Highlights Her Optionality & Pursuers (Preselection)

Cialdini and countless studies leave little room for doubters: people want what other people also want.

And the dating marketplace is no exception.

The best is if she gets you to see it firsthand.

And that’s why the best places to use this technique are night venues where people naturally approach each other.

She won’t always stand close hand in hand, but takes some distance.

When you’re getting drinks? She stands outside the queue and looks languishingly at some guy.

When guys approach her, she makes polite conversation.

And when you come back with the drinks and see her talking to another man… you will get into a more defensive mindset.

And yes, you will also value her more.

She can’t lose if she does it well: no matter how handsome you are, if she dresses sexy a woman will always get more approaches.

#4. She Implies You ‘Barely Managed’

…. He can count his lucky stars!

This is the main idea:

She communicates that she was assessing you hard before she gave you a chance.

One more mistake there, one blunder here… And you would have gotten the chop.

No need to do it confrontationally.

The positive message she conveys is that she liked you and cheered for you, but she has very high standards and you had a few shaky moments.

You were under heavy scrutiny. That’s the message.

Look at this Tinder date example. She was too childish and I was close to walking.

But the fact that she displayed such high standards was a huge point for her.

Rejecting someone raises value.

Almost rejecting you raises her value, lowers yours… And still makes you happy that you made the cut.

Win, win, and win again!

To communicate high standards, here are a couple of examples she might use:

Her: There was that guy with the pony tail hair you were talking to… If he was your friend I’d never have given you my number

If you’re already in a more advanced stage she might look at some situations and say:

Her:When I asked you to help me and you weren’t sure… I’m glad you came through or we wouldn’t be here now

Now on to the next.

#5. She Tells You You Were a Such Dork (But She Loved You Anyway)

If the relationship progresses you will eventually get to talk about the first time you met, and what you thought about each other.

She never says she thought you were a catch, cool or, God forbid, that she was scheming to meet you.

That would make you the prize of the relationship.

Instead she says she thought you were a bit of a dork.

If you were cool, she says she wasn’t sure about you because you looked so try-hard.

You won her over time instead. She’s super happy with you, but it’s not like you swept her off her feet… But hey, you’re great.

That’s the message.

#6. She Talks About Her Wonderful Exes

There is a tendency for couples to match up around the same overall value.

Thus, communicating great exes is a great way for her to make you realize her worth.

Talking about great exes does a few good things:

• Signals she’s a high-value woman
• Implies she can get equally amazing men

And, as well, if you don’t have strong inner confidence:

• Keeps you insecure

Some men play this on women anyway.

From a message from an ex-fling of mine, talking about his new boyfriend:

Man using the male version of “my studdy ex” game

The opposite is also true.

If she makes you feel like you are something special compared to her exes you will feel like she’s punching above her weight with you.

Even in the best-case scenario, you might feel like the main rooster in her life and might let yourself go.

Where else would she go, you will think.

You will acquire an attitude and potentially even treat her more poorly.

Some women do like Summer instead, parading a nice roster of exes:

Her: (describes ex-boyfriends, including in a highly sexualized fashion)

#7. She Builds You Up For Unmanly Traits: You’re A Cuddle Monster

Some men need to feel superior.

And, unluckily, for the most abusive of them, that means pushing her down.

These guys are egotists.

Meaning they have high self-esteem and big egos, but also very fragile egos.

She doesn’t want to enter into a race to who’s lower down, but at the same time doesn’t want you to feel too good, or you will never come to respect her and recognize her value.

Solution?

She builds you up.

But NOT for personal qualities which do not help the relationship.

If you’re intelligent and worldly, she won’t look at you doe-eyed while you explain things.

That would only make you feel like she’s not smart enough.

If you’re a gym-type, ripped guy, she never shows herself too thirsty or too into your abs, muscles, or, God forbid, package.

Instead, she treats you more like a big cuddly bear.

When she negates your mostly mannish qualities and slots you for good in the big teddy bear category she effectively defangs you.

And in a very sneaky way, too: you’d never even suspect anything.

#8. She Undermines Your Achievements

This is nasty.

But the guys who are least likely to recognize her worth often do so because they are too into themselves.

Blinded by what they believe is their own huge achievements, they fail to even take her value into account.

To help them value her more, she reins in a man’s over-inflated ego.

She can do it without starting a war by indirectly pointing out flaws he might be self-conscious about.

Example:

Years ago when I was dumb and inexperienced a girl told me we could go somewhere… If I’d go pick her up.

… And I felt inadequate for not having a car.

She can use the same concept when she needs to shorten the distance between you.

Ask for things you can’t provide, compare you with people you can’t stack up with, and talk of an underwhelming past.

All things that will cool down “Mr. too hot to handle”.

The first step, as my former GF’s crush says, is to never show you’re impressed, which lowers her market value:

It doesn’t matter how ripped / rich/smart you are. She can always take you down a peg or two by unearthing some shortcomings:

Her: Oh that’s a cool Olympic size swimming pool. Is it warmed up for winter swimming?

Or:

Her: Oh, professor and author, nice. Maybe you know X guy in your field who wrote Y best-seller. I really like him

The secret here is to make her comments seem nonchalant, natural, and off-hand.

Powerful stuff.

#9. She ‘Pinches Your Baby Fat’ (playing on insecurities)

Here is when I fully realized the insidious power that this mind game has on people:

My ex girlfriend was fit and I loved her legs.
I thought it was fun to grab her well defined calves and comment “chub chub” as a joke. We both laughed about it.
Then one day she told me to stop or that would make her insecure. She was too embarrassed to tell me earlier.

There was nothing that could have realistically made her insecure.

But that made me think how even the most innocent-looking gesture can have far-reaching consequences.

She can use the same principle to deflate you. Stereotypes are often the easiest to sheath with a joking semblance:

• Scrawny book worm? She tells you if she should also carry your luggage too
• Gym rat checking the grocery bill? She strokes your head and jokes she’ll call an accountant to support

#10. Ashton Kutcher Is The Hottest (Not You)

Someone else is on Mount Olympus. You can come back to earth

I like understanding people, and that includes their tastes.

A conversation I like to have early with women is who they think are the hottest men (and women) around.

I remember asking an ex-girlfriend of mine who she thought was the hottest guy in Hollywood. We were left with two people, so we get to finally crown the N.1.

Me: So who’s the hottest then, X or Kutcher?
She: Well, is there really anyone hotter than Ashton Kutcher?

As you notice, I can’t remember who was the second. But I do somehow remember she was so into Kutcher :).

Basically, she had me admit I wasn’t N.1.

You cannot do this with her friends, but with actors and celebs, it’s fine (and if it’s not fine you should re-evaluate her).

#11. She Breaks Up With You

Many people only realize that they need her when they don’t have her anymore.

And plenty of marriages followed a breakup, when the woman gained more power and when the man realized he truly wanted her.

Albeit this might seem like a huge power move, if she’s not getting her needs met, many women actually do break up.

It’s a very strong way of putting the ball in your court.

However, there is a skill in how she uses this move.

She needs to make you understand that she likes you, but that until you are unable to give her what she needs, she simply can’t stay.

Something like this:

Her: I love you, and I always will. And at the same time, I also love and respect myself. If you cannot do the same, then you are forcing me to move on. If in the future you will change your mind, please let me know. Goodbye my love.

Mic drop, exit.

If you liked her, you will realize her worth when she’s not there.

And if you come back, chances are that you will treat her much better.

Bonus: She Likes You Because You Recognize How Great She Is

This is an interesting gambit.

Dale Carnegie says that to promote the behavior you want to see, you need to tell people they already have that behavior.

So if you fail to recognize her true worth, she might suggest to you that you are already seeing her true worth.

For example, she can tell you that the reason why she likes you so much is because both of you appreciate her true worth.

That you recognize that she is an accomplished woman, a pious girl, a respectful lady… Or whatever it is that she feels sets her apart.

Please Note:

If you see these dark psychology techniques used on you too often, you need to consider you might be dating a poor partner.

These techniques to make her valued more are best for:

• Knowledge sake
• Friends/colleagues you can’t avoid
• Short term flings
• Sparingly with girlfriends who self-aggrandize

A swallow doesn’t make summer so even great women can have a moment of weakness or can unconsciously try to make you feel inferior.

In those cases, it’s good to know how to even the odds to display you’re not a naive, submissive, or low-value man.

But if you often have to deal with these games, then you need to reconsider that woman.

If it happens more than very rarely, you’re in a combative relationship or possibly even in an abusive relationship.

If your woman is busier putting you down than building you up. That’s the definition of a toxic relationship.

And you should probably not look for ways to “balance it” because it will only take you into a downward spiral.

That’s why increasing her value or decreasing yours are actually two faces of the same coin.

It’s because they both focus on who’s better in a sort of competition-fueled race.

A healthy relationship is different. A healthy relationship is about adding value to each other. She builds you up and you build her up.

That’s the kind of relationship you deserve.

I recommend you also check:

• How to control relationships and maintain attraction
• How women control relationships
• Mind games men play
• How women mindf*ck a guy