“The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction & Sexual Body Language” is mostly a pictorial guide, so I will limit myself to a very quick summary of some good points I liked and a review.
- Bullet Summary
- Full Summary
- Your goal is never to dominate a woman
- In real life you’re likely to get mixed signals
- Don’t overdo any alpha male stuff: it’s unattractive
Mixed Signals for Ego Protection
Christopher Philip says that both men -mostly women I’d add- send mixed signals of interest and disinterest to protect their egos in case of rejections.
Women also have a conundrum: she might be interested in a relationships with you and doesn’t want too look too easy -and too obvious with her signals-.
To make sure the signals are positive, the author says, you should look for 3-4 interest signals and make sure they’re aimed at you.
How to Approach Sitting Women:
Christopher Philip says that towering is the wrong way to dominate, and it means you keep standing while she’s sitting and slightly crouch down a little bit towards her.
Height advantage can be use while standing if you’re taller, but should never be exploited if she’s sitting and you approach while standing. That’s called “towering” and feels overpowering.
Your initial goal is never to dominate or intimidate a woman upon approaching her, your goal is to turn the natural fear response most women can have to a man’s approach into excitement.
Christopher Philip says that trying to dominate is also an indicator of disinterest.
Going nearby and squatting lowers your body height compared to hers. Christopher Philip says that using this type of body language to relate to her is not necessarily less dominant but it shows courtesy.
And I couldn’t agree more. When you approach her while she’s sitting it shows a lot of cojones from your side, so showing courtesy on top of cojones will skyrocket your value to her eyes.
You should never approach a woman giving the impression you are pushing her against a corner or against a wall.
Christopher Philip says you should never approach from behind. A frontal approach in plain view is preferable, and best is giving her the chance to take a full look at you before approaching.
All king of touching moves two people closer together. Especially when the woman initiates it, it’s a sign of sexual interest. Touching is also a much stronger cue than body pointing, so if a girl has her hand on our leg but her legs are pointing away, it’s still overall an indicator of interest.
Whispering is a neat way of getting someone closer into your intimate space. If someone is whispering into your ear it’s an indicator of interest.
A woman looking at you with crossed arms and tapping her index finger on her arm is an indicator of interest. The finger tap is a way of saying “come here”.
Christopher Philip says that you can use mirroring to test interest level. If you adopt the same pose your speaking partner is having and they change it soon after, they aren’t interested in you.
Dancing can be a great way to test mirroring because movements happen very quickly and fluidly. If she copies a bit your style and looks at you, she’s interested. If she’s doing her own moves and looks away, she’s not.
Leg Cross Height
Christopher Philip says that the higher a woman crosses her legs above her knee, the higher the interest she’s showing.
When a woman points both of her toes inwards she’s trying to appear smaller and less dominant, and it’s a signal she’s willing to submit.
Puckering the lips is an obvious attraction signal and also an indicator the woman is ready to kiss.
When the head is tilted downward and the woman looks at you “through” the forehead. This is similar to a bow and a strong indicator of interest as it shows a willingness to submit.
Any childlike games such as stealing something from you or pinching you is to be considered a positive sign and an indicator of interest.
Christopher Philip also goes into “alpha male” behavior and say most men trying to look alpha overdo it. They take too much space, look to angry and competitive.
I was surprised to read Christopher Philip suggest you should break eye contact with a woman by looking down. Looking down, he says, shows you’re not aggressive and it “admits” you’re interested. Breaking eye contact to the side says you are just scanning the room.
There were a few parts I found contradicting other sources and/or my experience. Here they are:
Christopher says that interlaced fingers clenching the hands together is a subtle form of steepling while Allan Pease says it’s a sign of frustration. I think they can both be right depending on the situation.
Leaning Against the Bar
Christopher says that not reclining against the bar or the wall for support is a way of saying you’re alright by yourself. In another picture of a man reclining against the bar with closed body language he says that people like that tend to end up being the wallflowers of the evening.
I fully disagree here. Reclining against something is natural and a sign of comfort. Standing as a standalone object is very unnatural. When you’re at home you don’t usually stand in the middle of the room doing nothing. You do something or lie down.
Christopher Philip says that a foot kicking motion is a sign of boredom. Joe Navarro says that jiggling of the foot can be a indicator of nervousness and kicking is an indicator of “fighting back against something”.
I tend to side with Joe Navarro here: foot movements are commonly misread for boredom but they’re more often in the discomfort cluster.
Some guys in the picture really need all the body language help they can get given the clothes they wear.
It brought me back to the time I spent in Eastern Europe and their fantastic fashion style. The local men had too wide shirts with too long arms, too wide and too long pants folding over ugly plastic Bata shoes and the color matching of a daltonic man :).
Great, I really enjoyed Christopher Philip’s work and loved the pictorial format. I also loved the fact that he shows many pictures that are not too obvious, where there are several contrasting signals, how it often appears in real life.
He then often proceeds to say which signs are more important and what’s the overall message.
The idea is similar to Undercover Sex Signals by Leil Lowndes, but I would say that Leil has better marketing and less content. Christopher goes deeper into body proper body language analysis.