Undercover Sex Signals: A Pickup Guide For Guys by Leil Lowndes is a great book on nonverbal signals women send to show broadcast their attraction.
It’s important because, for successful mating, you should answer accordingly to these signals.
- Exec Summary
- Full Summary
- The 5 Steps of Successful Pick Up
- Opening Lines
- Difference Between Winners & Losers
- What Women Want From Men
- Lead And Choose The Date
- Undercover Sex Signal #1: Talking & Looking At You
- Undercover Sex Signal #2: The Peekaboo
- Undercover Sex Signal #3: Shy Geisha
- Undercover Sex Signal #4: Side Long Glance
- Undercover Sex Signal #5: The Jewelry Tag
- Undercover Sex Signal #6: The Expose
- Undercover Sex Signal #7: The Shoe Dangle
- Undercover Sex Signal #8: Close Encounters
- Undercover Sex Signal #9: Space Invasion
- Undercover Sex Signal #10: The Innocent Touch
- Undercover Sex Signal #11: Leaning In
- Undercover Sex Signal #12: Weathervane palms
- Undercover Sex Signal #13: Necking
- Undercover Sex Signal #14: Underarm Flash
- Undercover Sex Signal #15: The Lips Lick
- Undercover Sex Signal #16: The Primp
- Undercover Sex Signal #17: Hair Play
- Undercover Sex Signal #18: Self Caress
- Undercover Sex Signal #19: Shoulder Scrunch
- Undercover Sex Signal #20: Perking and Breast Trust
- Undercover Sex Signal #21: Mirroring
- Undercover Sex Signal #22: The Suggestive Suck
- Undercover Sex Signal #23: Playing With Glass
- Undercover Sex Signal #24: Being Goofy
- Undercover Sex Signal #25: The Pose
- Undercover Sex Signal #26: Showing Leg
- Most men don’t get women’s sex signals
- For a successful seduction learn and respond accordingly to USS
- Learning USS will allow you to avoid rejections and improve your “hit rate”
Men Miss All The Signals
Leil Lowndes first says that 30 out of 31 men miss the signals a woman sends when she’s interested in them.
Studies also back up the fact that major misunderstanding can originate between men and women when it comes to nonverbals. While women give meaning to many nonverbals such as proximity, topic of conversation, eye contact etc, most men don’t.
Conscious or Unconscious?
Leil Lowndes says that women’s sex signals are both conscious and unconscious.
Why Women Are Better
The author says it’s partly because women get a major head-start: when men were watching wrestling and Dragon Ball, women were making up love stories with dolls. While men were playing football, women were gossiping and dissecting everything a man said and did.
The 5 Steps of Successful Pick Up
- Acknowledge Her Signals (or response to yours): As soon as you enter a room, look for possible USS and keep scanning around. It’s likely she will flash a quick, slight smile together with the eye contact
- Respond: You must return a smile or she gives up and move to another guy. Don’t exaggerate, match her smile or match her signal’s intensity: studies show that if the intensity is too different she won’t appreciate. When she peeks at you again, you smile again.
- Approach: Wait until she catches your eye and then approach slowly. Do not overpower her with your physical presence. Leil says you could move in front of her and not start speaking right away, which might lead her to speak to you first. The best opening lines are something complimentary and neutral.
- Turn Your Head First: Move to her side, angle your body parallel to her. Only turn your head to speaking to her so it doesn’t come across as too strong. If she moves more strongly towards you, then you follow suit. Slowly turn your torso towards her and if you spot Undercover Sex Signals then move closer to her. As she gives you more USS, lean in towards her and fully focus on her
- Start moving in synchrony.
Note: I disagree here you should approach when she catches your eye contact as it seems very reactive of you, like a dog who’s just noticed the owner wanted to pat him. The only exception is when you won’t have a second chance. If for example she’s waiting for her girlfriend from the toilet and she’s got her coat and is about to leave, then walk there confidently. Otherwise, approach a bit later on.
Worst opening lines are about her physical appearance such as “what’s a woman like you doing in a place likes this” or “what’s a beautiful woman like you doing without a date tonight”.
Leil says you should look more interested in her mind than body and the best line is “hi, my name is…. “.
Note: I agree the lines example Leil gives are terrible, but disagree that physical appearance lines can’t work well. If delivered confidently and honestly they make your intentions clear and can start a sexually charged conversation which can lead to a quick resolution.
Difference Between Winners & Losers
Leil Lowndes says that winners take negative answers not to rejection of them but as statement of fact. For example if the answer to the question “shall we dance this song” was “no” the winners would say that it’s ok and invite her to seat. The losers would interpret it as a personal rejection and give up.
The winners also let very little poses happen in the conversation and would jump in with their own stories when needed. The losers had less musicality and less sensitivity for the timing. Their conversations had more awkward gaps, they paused too long.
What Women Want From Men
- Resources: Money, education, intelligence
- Status: Other people respect you
- Physical Strength: Mention exercises you do or some physical work you’ve done
- Emotionally Caring
Leil Lowndes gives a few ideas on how to show them all, but I disagree you should show off resources much really but won’t go deeper on this one here.
Undercover Sex Signals says women still want their men to earn more, be smarter or just be plainly better, whatever that means :).
When you are asked “what do you do”, always sound proud and happy about it.
Lead And Choose The Date
Leil Lowndes says it might sound nice you asking her where to go, but you should tell her where to go. She says, I quote “take charge man, you make the reservation”
While a man’s pleasure center is more localize, a woman’s pleasure center is spread all over her body, that’s why women tend to self touch more all over her body.
Why Women Go For Bad Boys
Leil Lowndes also discusses a bit of why women fall for bad boys. First she mentions a friend of her who says she feels emotionally chaperoned with her nice male companions as if her mother was sitting her with but she feels naughty and excited with the bad ones.
The bad boys seem self confident and to get what they want by pushing the other people around. Leil Says that’s to cover deep insecurities, but they keep it well hidden.
Then she mentions the Stockholm Syndrome and how some women find some perverse pleasure in the pain some relationships give them. She feels the drama all teenagers felt with their first love. She has no idea what’s going to happen next (uncertainty). That kind of uncertainty get her juices flowing.
So Leil Lowndes advises you stamp out all unnecessary predictability in your relationship and do something to surprise her.
This topic is better explored in The Art of Seduction.
Should The Friends Wait?
When she says “you’re not my type” and she’s not attracted to you, might she change her mind? Should you stick around?
I love Leil Lowndes’ reply on this one. She says that if she’s a woman whom habitually ends up in abusive relationship, it might be a bad idea to “wait”.
If her previous relationships simply didn’t work out, she might feel her biological clock is ticking and she might pick you as a “good enough” option and hope she’ll grow to like you -which she probably will actually-.
The bad thing is that there will never be that strong sexual spark and attraction and she will never love you in that hot, passionate way that you might like.
But if her love without her lust is enough for you, it might work out.
Women Look For Everything
Leil says that women, for evolutionary reasons, tend to be more selective than men. Women subconsciously listen to their genes for one night stands as well.
Intense Eye Contact
When you stare deeply into a woman’s eyes, particularly during silences, it will increase attraction. This works best when she initially found you attractive. Leil Lowndes is quoting here the famous study “The Effect of Mutual Gaze on Feelings of Romantic Love“, saying that subjects who engage in mutual gaze increased significantly their feelings of passionate love and liking for their partner.
It works well because intense eye contact stimulates a primitive part of the human brain calling for two basic emotions: approach or retreat. The reaction to deep gaze is fear, and fear is linked to romance.
So look deeply into her eyes, and when you look away to reluctantly so and slowly.
We don’t use it enough because, Leil Lowndes says, the more someone overwhelms us, the more we avoid their eyes. If we meet someone particularly handsome and/or accomplished, we tend to avoid their gaze.
The risk of this technique is that if she’s not attracted your eye contact will scare her off.
Undercover Sex Signal #1: Talking & Looking At You
Leil Lowndes says that many men get fearful upon seeing two women talking and looking at them because they think the girls might be ridiculing them.
That’s not the case though: two women chatting to themselves while looking at you is one of the oldest and most obvious sex signal out there.
Giggling while talking and looking at you is a further added signal, but more mature women don’t do it as much.
Undercover Sex Signal #2: The Peekaboo
Peekaboo is a game children play of hiding from their a grown up’s view and then reappearing again. You’ve probably seen and played this one a few times if you’ve ever been around children.
In dating scenarios, I have seen some variations in relationships, but rarely as a interest signal. A more common variation might be you looking at her, she looking away, then you looking away and she looking at you.
Test The Waters
Leil Lowndes says that if you don’t get any Undercover Sex Signals you can still initiate your own before approaching to see if you will be welcome.
Undercover Sex Signal #3: Shy Geisha
The way a woman looks at you reveal her true emotions. If you look at a woman and smile almost all of them will look away. How they look away will reveal loads.
If they look down as if to sweep the floor with her eyes, she likes you. If she looks up again to look at you within 45 seconds she expects and want you to make a move on her.
If she looks away horizontally she isn’t sure yet she wants to talk to you.
If she looks at the ceiling when looking away, she’s not interested.
Undercover Sex Signal #4: Side Long Glance
Leil Lowndes says that since people don’t respect women giving too long eye contact, she will be glancing over at you to see if you’re noticing them.
Women have a better peripheral vision than men, so this could be a bit like a head turn for men.
If she’s glancing at you from the corner of her eyes, she wants you to approach her.
Undercover Sex Signal #5: The Jewelry Tag
Leil Lowndes says that playing with a necklace while looking at you is a strong sexual interest sign. Leil says that she is getting you to notice her decorations, her plumage if you want :).
Supporting Sex Signals
Leil Lowndes says that women often use two or three sex signals, with one being more prominent than the others.
Undercover Sex Signal #6: The Expose
If her dress falls from her shoulder it might not be a coincidence and she’s just showing you more skin. A slight open blouse could work the same.
You could say “boy it’s quite hot in here” to show you picked up on it and are in tune with her.
Undercover Sex Signal #7: The Shoe Dangle
If a woman dangle her shoe on her toes, it’s a major strong signal of availability.
Note: what I’ve also read somewhere else is entering and exiting the shoe with her foot. I’m sure you can see the parallel that rhythmic entering movement 🙂
Undercover Sex Signal #8: Close Encounters
Leil Lowndes here talks about proximity. Pay attention to how close she’s standing to you.
If she’s standing very close, it’s a good sign. Do NOT act surprised or step back, unless you want to communicate disinterest, that is.
You could slightly move or lean in towards her instead or smile to reciprocate.
Undercover Sex Signal #9: Space Invasion
She might let just a part of her body enter your personal space. A leg, a knee for example.
Note: this was actually rather redundant and similar to number eight.
Undercover Sex Signal #10: The Innocent Touch
Leil Lowndes says that a woman will never touch if she doesn’t welcome your advances.
If a woman reaches out and touches you for any reason, you must react very positively otherwise she’ll think she’s gone too far and back down.
Undercover Sex Signal #11: Leaning In
When a woman leans in towards you never ever back up.
Undercover Sex Signal #12: Weathervane palms
If she shows the inner side of her palm it’s a good sign and a way of saying “I submit to you”. When she’s resting her head on her hand, does she show you the knuckles or the inner palm?
Showing the knuckles is a close body language sign and also might be a hostile sign. Leil Lowndes says though not to jump to conclusions too quickly if her palms turn away: it might be sexual tension or a sign of nervousness of a shy person whom likes you.
Look for other signs.
Undercover Sex Signal #13: Necking
Showing the neck is a very powerful sex signal. If she moves her hair completely to the back while talking or looking at you it’s a sign she wants to submit.
Undercover Sex Signal #14: Underarm Flash
She might be leaning back, supposedly appearing relaxed, but if she shows her underarm she knows exactly what she’s doing.
The same showing of underarm can happen when she flicks her hair back.
Undercover Sex Signal #15: The Lips Lick
A woman might do it either conspicuously or covertly. She wants to make her lips most and more inviting for you, for her own pleasure or to imply what might be in store for you later on.
This is a rather obvious and sexually open sign. And yet, Leil Lowndes says, many guys still miss it.
Undercover Sex Signal #16: The Primp
She might quickly add some extra touches to herself like applying lipstick or make up to draw your attention across the room. Alternatively, if you’re already engage with her, she might do it when you’re not there, so pay attention is her make up is more visible or if she applied fresh lipstick.
Note: I have walked on women adjusting themselves more than once either before the date when they were waiting for me behind a corner or when I walked back in the room :).
Undercover Sex Signal #17: Hair Play
When you’re talking she can sometimes start playing with her hair, or twirling them with her finger. Leil Lowndes says it’s either a sign of sexual nervousness or she’s tantalizing for you to be playing with her hair.
A little flip while looking at you is also a very common USS.
Undercover Sex Signal #18: Self Caress
If she touches herself on her neck, collarbone, arms, and thighs it’s a good sign of arousal.
Leil Lowndes says that when a woman is very attracted to someone it’s like the high of a drug. Some women freeze like deers in the headlights and can’t speak or move, other feel a tingling sensation and caress themselves to pacify, and still others might get silly and scrunch their shoulder.
Undercover Sex Signal #19: Shoulder Scrunch
As a above, some women will start acting like little babies when they’re with a man they like. They might giggle and scrunch their shoulder together for example.
Note: I was once out with a woman on a rainy day and the streets had some puddles of rain. We were walking back from my place, it had been a nice time and she was so happy that she started in the puddle with both their feet. I thought that was a bit too silly and too much, also I didn’t enjoy dirty water splashing on my jeans.
Undercover Sex Signal #20: Perking and Breast Trust
When you enter a room, notice if some women perks up and straight her back thrusting her breast forward.
It can also be a good indicator when you walk up to her. Before you even say anything: is she thrusting her breast forward?
Leil Lowndes says all women do it, but it’s not a tell that you can use by itself because, I’d add, most women would do it even with guys they’re not necessarily interested in. So you should always combine this sign with other signals.
However, if she does not perk up when she sees you, that’s a very bad sign.
Undercover Sex Signal #21: Mirroring
When women start copying your signs and movement, it’s a good sign.
Undercover Sex Signal #22: The Suggestive Suck
If she puts something in her mouth… You don’t need a biology degree to see the hint there. It can be a spoon, a straw, or even her fingers.
Note: Since many women drink their drinks with a straw I’d like to add you should look for signs of her doing it in a particularly way. For example she does it a bit quicker and more often, or with a different style than her previous baseline behavior, like holding the straw, or more slowly, or while looking at you.
Undercover Sex Signal #23: Playing With Glass
If a woman runs her fingers around the rim of her wine glass she might be thinking about touching you. Or around the stem of the glass, or play with a pen.
Note: Since I rarely do restaurant dates and are more likely to get a beer, I have seen more than once women running their hands up and down a long beer glass.
Undercover Sex Signal #24: Being Goofy
Excitement and sexual nervousness, especially in younger or less experienced women, can come off as being goofy.
Undercover Sex Signal #25: The Pose
When a woman strikes a pretty pose, she wants to attract you, don’t mistake it for being stand-offish.
Undercover Sex Signal #26: Showing Leg
Baring their legs is a major USS signal.
Some Bad Suggestions
In many occasions, I fully disagree with Leil Lowndes suggestions. Some of the are:
- Never let her pay for the restaurant
- dropping hints about your resources
These can be effective depending on the occasion, but I believe they are counterproductive more times yes than not.
- Calling Strategies: She seems to be suggesting a very slow dating scenarios with long waits, I disagree with that.
Undercover Sex Signal is a typical Leil Lowndes book: funny, easy to read and definitely useful.
I find she has a lot of talent in social settings and she understand human relationships very well, including in dating, however some of her suggestions are not very conducive to a quick escalation towards sex.