In this article, you’re going to learn the fundamental principles of dating power dynamics.
The principles come before general laws, strategies, and techniques, because laws, strategies and techniques are all based on the principles.
The principles you’re going to learn right now.
This website is the most advanced place where the most driven folks come to learn about power, strategies, and advanced social skills.
In fact, with these laws, you will be able to understand dating better than 99% of people, and that will translate into better and more successful dating.
Let’s get started:
- 1. Positive Power Imbalances Attract, Negative Ones Repel
- 2. It’s Only Relative Power Levels That Matter
- 3. Power Is Use It Or Lose It: Use It to Grow Closer, or Move Forward
- 4. Power-Positive Actions Lead to Quick, Effective, Straight-Line Seductions
- 5. Healthy Win-Win Relationships Are Value-Balanced
1. Positive Power Imbalances Attract, Negative Ones Repel
- Men high in power power attract: when men gain power and women feel like those men are “more” than they are, they grow attracted.
- Men low impact lose attraction: and when men lose power and women feel like those men are “less” than they are, they lose attraction.
However, things are rarely stationary in social settings.
And, since men do the first approach, they sometimes have to start lower power.
Plus, the most advanced game is always in turning things around.
So it’s how things evolve from imbalances is crucial.
Take the example from the chart below with the man at a negative 7 in power.
If the man is investing 10 and she’s only giving back 3, she will subconsciously back-rationalize that he must be lower value, dumb, or generally not a great catch.
So she will lose attraction and interest, and she will invest less and less.
The over-investing man in this case has 3 options:
- Decrease his investment, show less interest, play it more aloof, disempower her (by disqualifying her, for example), show he has other options, etc.
- Make her invest more, directly ask her to contribute, tell her to do something to make her follow his leadership (tasking), display some value that makes her want to contribute more, bait her to ask questions, etc. etc.
- Go for broke and try to make things happen quickly, before she fully realizes about the imbalance, he might try to go high-dominance or very sexual direct, and hope that his change of tack and ballsy display can lead him to victory (low odds, but possible)
So, generally speaking, higher power is better.
And yet, there is an important caveat. Especially important for more advanced folks:
… But Positive Power Differential Can Lose You The Girl When It’s Too Much
If he’s SO higher power than her, then women will naturally wonder:
“Maybe he is “too much” for me”.
And if a woman gives and invests but he takes all that giving to increase his power instead of sharing and moving things forward, then women will think: “he probably doesn’t want me”.
This phenomenon is called “auto-rejection“.
Women go into auto-rejection when they give -or when they think they gave- plenty of signals and power to a man, but the man did nothing with it.
See more here in “value and availability” as well, since self-rejection is often based on her feeling that “your value isn’t available to them”.
In practical terms, this means:
- When you’re very high power, pull her up to your level
- When women give you a lot, give back or move things forward
Some struggle to understand these dynamics because men don’t lose attraction when they chase women.
However, women often lose interest themselves when they chase, but the man does not move things forward and/or give back.
To give you even more applicable strategies, the way to repay a woman who invests are:
- Invest back: you lose some power because you balance things out, but overall often improve the relationship and the odds of intimacy
- Make her feel good for investing: this is great to maintain high power because you’re only giving back emotionally, which makes you the dispenser of emotional gratification (“the judge“)
- Qualify her: express why you like her
- Move the interaction forward: escalate at one of the many possible layers of escalation (see “Seduction University“)
2. It’s Only Relative Power Levels That Matter
Typical mistake of those who first start learning power:
- They focus on individual actions, in isolation
- They focus on being “as high power as possible”
But there is no such thing as “low power” or “high power” in isolation.
Power is relative to the situation, the relationship, the past history, and what you’re getting from your date (or target).
For example, if you’re chasing hard and being very open about your interest, usually that’s not good because you’re giving too much power away, losing too much power, and ending up too low power compared to her -and making her as dry as a desert as a consequence-.
If she’s chasing back equally hard and expressing the same interest in you, then it only means there is a lot of mutual interest, and you’re golden.
And the opposite is true.
If she is disinterested and aloof, contributes zero to the conversation, then even two normal sentences or texts in a row is already chasing.
And if she’s being disrespectful… Then even basic kindness is WAY too disempowering, unattractive, and generally poor social strategy (you need to re-empower yourself in those cases, see PU for the strategies).
This concept expressed in a chart format:
Let’s review now on practical example in which this law applies:
Example: why direct approaches are ballsy, but often low-power
This is something that many guys who recommend direct or super-direct approaches don’t get:
Of course direct openers, direct compliments and direct expression of sexual interest can work.
And surely they work great IF she’s interested in you or IF she gets interested with your ballsy opener.
That works because, in that case, your interest level is immediately matched by hers -and that way, you don’t end up with a negative balance of power, and thus low-power-.
But it’s a gamble, a gamble in which you give a lot of your power away.
And if she doesn’t match your high interest, you end up very disempowered, very low power… And most often, very unattractive to most women (because women want higher-power men).
3. Power Is Use It Or Lose It: Use It to Grow Closer, or Move Forward
Because most women will not invest or pursue a man forever, dating power is use or lose.
Exceptions always apply of course but, generally speaking, you’re better off sticking with the rule.
That means that, as a man, you cannot bask in a woman’s attraction and interest counting and hoping it will always be there.
Because, often, it will not.
In practical terms, when the woman chases, invests, or empowers you, you can:
- Reward her and pull her up, which indireclty says “I also like you”, and increases bonding and mutual liking (higher warmth)
- Move things forward towards intimacy: which also indirectly says “I also like you” and allows the man to move forward quickly and efficiently (higher power)
In truth, the above overlap.
When you increase emotional intimacy, you also take a step towards physical intimacy, and vice versa.
However, it’s possible to wait too long for physical escalation to the point where the relationship dies out, so it’s still helpful to differentiate.
If you take quick action, then even large positive power imbalances are not an issue.
Men have the most power when she chases hard from the get-go and men have no interest in her, or only show interest in quick sex.
Men who have close to unlimited access to women date with those power dynamics, and all they have to do is to pick one of the women who chase them.
But those are more exceptional cases, so let’s focus now on how it works in most cases.
And in most cases, women don’t chase and invest crazy amounts.
And men who make the first move and move things forward.
Move Forward When You’re Power-Positive, As Soon As You’re Power-Positive
In the social exchange, we have a concept called “social overdraft”.
You’re in over-draft, and likely to be denied, when you make a request without enough social credit or goodwill.
Well, the same applies to dating.
You can only ask a woman to do something for you or you or with you and get a “yes” when you have enough power to do so (power-positive).
And that power accounting starts from the very beginning.
Even before you open your mouth, you probably have a certain level of power based on looks, your personal value, and your sexual market value -all of which are at least partially subjective, of course-.
But let’s focus on actions now.
Whenever you move things forward with a woman -invite her out, invite her home, make a move, etc.-, you indirectly express your interest.
And that decreases your power because it sub-communicates “I want you”.
So just with the initial approach or invite you go power-negative if she’s not interested.
Often, you go power negative even when she’s interested but hasn’t given you anything yet, because she will back-rationalize that you must not be high-value enough if she hasn’t given you anything.
Moving things forward does not work when she is not investing because you don’t have any power and leverage to take it to the next level -you’d go power negative when you escalate without investment, and that doesn’t work-.
So it’s a good idea to always get something from her to get some power and leverage before you lead to the next step.
nd as we’ve seen, if she’s investing a lot, then you might even be forced to move quickly.
When she is investing instead you want to move things forward to express your mutual interest and rebalance the power dynamics towards the “golden balance”.
So perfect dating for most guys means to have her invest, and to move things forward as a reward.
4. Power-Positive Actions Lead to Quick, Effective, Straight-Line Seductions
- Golden balance: that area between too low power that a woman is not interested because “you’re below her”, and too high power that a woman is not interested because she thinks she doesn’t have a chance (she self-rejects)
- Straight line seduction: the forward motion, the quickest path from meeting or romantic pursuit, to intimacy.
Straight line seduction is all about dating high-power, but using power as fuel to move forward, rather than upward and stationery
By power-positive here we mean:
Actions that, taken while he has a positive balance of power, move the interaction forward
Such as, you move forward when you’re power-up, when she likes you, when she recognizes you as the leader… When she wants you to move things forward.
That’s when she’s most likely to follow.
Generally speaking, it’s great to be higher power.
And it’s good to strive to have a lot of power.
However, when we talk about power between a man and woman in dating, effective dating is not to accrue as much power as possible, but to move things forward as soon as you have enough power to do so.
In the article on the basic domains of dating power we encourage to think of power like fuel.
You want to get as much fuel as possible, but not to hoard fuel, which weighs you down and is a fire hazard, but to move forward as fast as you can.
Power is fuel, it’s to be used, not hoarded.
So, generally speaking: on the continuum, effective dating is slightly more on the power side -you want to be higher power than her-, but never full-on power -or it would mean you’re not moving things forward, and/or that you might lose her-.
Example: approach progression in the golden balance
Let’s use an example of a street cold approach in the golden balance.
Red is losing power, green is gaining power:
- You say hi after you spot her walking opposite of you and walk back to meet her
Power negative: you start off power-negative because you went to her, you prioritized her over whatever else you were doing, which sub-communicate interest and expends effort to meet her, while she hasn’t given you anything yet
- She is very warm and active in the conversation
Power positive: you regain power because she indirectly expresses interest
- You exchange a few sentences (you consolidate for a few seconds before taking it to the next level)
- You ask her to stop because you’d like to talk to her more
Power negative: this indirectly says “I wanna talk to you more”, which is another sign you’re interested in her, and possibly more interested than she is. If she rejects, you lost it all. If she accepts, you go power-positive and it becomes a man-to-woman “getting to know each other”
- She stops and is happy to engage you and you vibe and tease her a bit, plus exchange basic information about you two
Power positive: almost every time she complies and/or “helps you along” the route to intimacy your power goes up
- You say that you would like meet her again
Power negative: you show interest again, this time make it more obvious that ti’s romantic interest.
- She says “maybe” and you exchange contacts, you’re power doesn’t go back up because she hides her interest, but not a major loss because she agrees to at least keeping in touch
- She stays talking to you, keeps engaging you and being warm
Power positive: she hid her interest, but her behavior, which is more important, shows interest
- A couple of minutes later you say you must go for a lunch meeting
Power positive: you re-empower yourself because it’s you who ends it, which sub-communicates you’re busier / higher-value, potentially even less interested
- You send her a text with a pic of your lunch 1h later
Power negative: because you contact her first again, you again show more interest. But it’s all good because it’s simply the man’s job
- She replies, you exchange a few texts
Power positive: her reply confirms her interest, so you are re-empowered
- You propose to grab some food/drinks togeter
- She says “OK”
- …. Goes on until you invite her home, make your move, and take her to bed
Notice that every time the man moves the interaction forward in this example, he loses some power.
This is typical and common, and especially so when your dating skills aren’t yet at advanced level -see “Seduction University“-.
It’s because, often, moving forward sub-communicates your interest and frames you as chasing.
But you shouldn’t worry about it: first off, there are ways to avoid any power loss. Second, even if it came at some power loss, it’s the man’s job to move things forward, and winning requires some “risks” -again, mindsets are crucial: many men subconsciously fear the vulnerability of potentially being spurned and power down. But your goal is not self-protection, it’s winning-.
Finally, when she accepts or follows you, you regain all the power and then some. It’s only when she denies you, that you lose a lot and will need to rebuild some before going for it again.
In this example, albeit not perfect, the man is still timing his requests well, which might be the most important aspect.
He makes his moves when he’s just enough power-up, so odds are good that things go well. He makes his moves when he is in the “golden balance”.
And the golden balance of power is how you date quickly and effectively.
Golden Balance & Straight Line Seduction
Jordan Belfort talks about “straight line persuasion“.
And Todd Valentine says that he has the same approach in his dating.
So taking a leaf out of Jordan Belfort’s book, a seduction based on the “golden balance” is a “straight line seduction” -or “as straight as you can manage”-:
Below zero means you’re below her.
Above zero means you’re above her.
Once she sees you as “above her”, you’re good. Focus on moving forward rather than acquiring more power (examples in Seduction University).
5. Healthy Win-Win Relationships Are Value-Balanced
Finally, the same principle of dating applies to relationships:
Win-win and solid relationships also tend to be balanced.
To be clear, we’re talking about a general balance of value give and take, and that does not mean “full equality” or “equal power”.
When it comes to leadership, we recommend the man to be the “leader” of the relationship. And when it comes to power, we recommend the man to be generally higher power and act higher power.
But when it comes to investing, showing interest, caring for each other etc., then a balance of give and take tends to make for the healthiest, strongest, and most emotionally fulfilling relationships.
This is a preview from Seduction University.
Seduction University provides real-life examples, strategies, techniques, and the full framework to turn the theory into dating success.