You’ve likely encountered a social climber. They’re the person who seems to be constantly trying to get ahead, often by being overly friendly with those in a higher social class, dropping names, or subtly putting others down.
While the social climbing definition might seem simple, the psychology of a social climber is a complex mix of ambition and insecurity.
This article will not only help you understand what a social climber is and their common characteristics, but also reveal why their overt attempts at gaining status often backfire, harming them more than they help.
Who Are Social Climbers
Social climbers deliberately try to gain a higher social status by seeking higher status people, bragging, or putting others down and look better by comparison.
It’s important to note that social climbers per se aren’t inherently bad people.
High-quality men and high-quality women all seek to increase their social status.
And that’s a good thing. It’s what makes them high-value in the first place.
However, good social climbing is calibrated and doesn’t even look like climbing.
The people we call social climbers instead do not have that calibration.
Bad Social Climbers
‘Social climbers’ has a negative connotation in common parlance, and refers to social climbers who are too obvious or too aggressive.
You could call these ‘value-taking social climbers’, defined as:
Value-taking social climbers seek to raise their social status not by virtue of their qualities or by helping others out but by attacking, ridiculing, and generally by depressing other people’s statuses.
The Power Moves
This type of social climbing is costly, and you better stop it.
Types of Social Climbers
Here are some examples of social climbers:
1. Fake Complainers
Fake complainers exaggerate or outright invent problems.
However, their problems are never “neutral”, but are designed to make themselves look good by making others look bad of course.
They complain of people asking them for money, younger guns seeking them as mentors, men or women hitting on them all the times, etc.
Here is one example:
Now that example is a bit theatrical for emphasis of course, but that’s the gist behind fake complainers: pretend others are seeking you -and bothering you as they pursue- for some great quality of yours.
Among the fake complainers, we often see drama queens, highly emotional individuals, and borderline personality disorders.
Why Fake Complainers Fail
Most people don’t rationally grasp what the social climber is doing, but most people will still instinctively dislike them.
Or, in the best-case scenario, they will instinctively know that they are not the highest quality people.
And that’s because social climbers are rarely at the top, but almost always struggling for the middle-of-the-road social slots.
2. Posturing Climbers
Now here is another gem of social climbing tech.
The technique of the posturing guy is to finger at an imaginary straw-man enemy and accentuate his flaw and shortcomings and laugh.
The idea in the social climber’s mind is that by criticizing someone people will think that he must be the opposite.
In principle the idea is not completely wrong: studies indeed show that critical reviewers are perceived as more intelligent than positive reviewers. And usually, people criticize those who are very different from them, thus the idea of “by making someone look like shit, people think I’m golden”.
However, it doesn’t really work like that in practice.
One of the main issues is that social climbers are often too obvious about their hidden agenda. We talked about in Alpha Male Posturing, and here was an example from that article:
Why Fake Complainers Fail
Some postures are smoother and their game will work with people who are not very socially smart.
But with high-quality men high-quality women social climbing, falls flat.
At the end of the day, this is why posturing guys always fail:
Nastiness qualifies the sender much more than it qualifies the receiver.
The Power Move
3. Sarcastic Climbers
The sarcastic player increases his social status by looking smart… While he makes you look stupid.
You ask a normal, straightforward question and they reply with a joke at your expense. You make a comment about politics and they sigh, “Oh well, I suppose universal suffrage wasn’t the best idea after all”.
Here is an example of a sarcastic player doing his best to make his opponent look stupid -and smart by reflection-:
Why Sarcastic Players Fail
Sarcastic players might be the hardest to spot. Indeed, as long as they don’t exaggerate, most people consider them high-quality, smart guys who can quickly think on their feet.
Obama indeed was another sarcastic social climber player and he often got applauded for it.
Here is one example:
However, albeit it will win the nod of approval of most people, the creme de la creme of the most socially attuned ones will still see it for what it is: a crack in the wall from which obvious signs of egotism and insecurity are seeping through.
And a stinking sense of superiority.
4. ‘Look Down On You’ Climbers
I had one such example just yesterday.
Here is how it went:
Friendly guy: “what are your goals for 2019
Me: “bla bla bla”
Now the social climbers started hovering around the group, and to be warm and inclusive I make space and then pass the question back to him.
Look how it went:
Me: “And what about you, what are your goals for 2019
Social Climber: Why, what’s so special about 2019
See what his game is?
He is angling to show off that New Year’s resolutions are “beneath him”. Which might be, I also think most people do New Year’s resolutions for all the wrong reasons.
But it’s still trying to make me look bad and decrease my social status to make him look good and gain social status.
Now most people here would have gone on the defensive, which would have given him indeed a chance of winning and scoring social points.
Oh well, not that night and not with me, I suppose:
Social Climber: Why, what’s so special about 2019
Me: “It’s a new year
Said slowly, with the intonation of “It’s… A new year… You dumbass”
And then proceeded to hold my frame it’s normal and “good” to make the new year’s goal which thwarted his weak attempt at social status climbing.
This is the tonality, facial expression, and attitude I am talking about:
Why Aggressively Superior Players Fail
Superior players are some of the worst.
Not only do they look aggressive and daft to everyone in earshot, but they also make enemies.
And the golden rule of social power is that you want friends, not enemies.
5. The Absentees’ Climbers
Social climbing ‘in absentia’, derived from lating for ‘while absent’, is one of the easiest forms of climbing.
With this tactic, the social climber picks on someone who is not physically present to push him down while he pulls himself up by comparison.
Social climbing in absentia tends to be mostly verbal because, most of the times, you can’t turn your back or ignore someone who isn’t there, but you need to mention them and talk about them.
Some examples:
Direct Attack Social Climb
- That guy is an idiot
- She’s such bi*ch
- He’s so incompetent
They sound like simple slanderous comments, but the hidden message is “I am better”.
Storytelling
The story can then either show the social climber getting mad recognition he doesn’t even care about or, worse, it will show the social climber belittling others and getting away with it.
Example: “Everybody was lost, so I just took charge and saved the day”
It can be either value-giving, or it can be value-taking when pushing others down.
Example:
Him: (tells a story of a handyman who recognized him, and he’s annoyed and demands that he just does his job and gets out)
The storyteller in the examples draws social value from the power dynamics of “you know me, I don’t know you“.
He frames the handyman as one of the many (lower-value) people who pester him, while he has no time for such people because he’s higher value.
Bragging is also common in storytelling, for example:
- “Such a good game, I scored 3 and everyone was like “dude, you’re a beast”
- “.. Then I whipped it off and she went craaaazy”
How to Deal With a Social Climber
Now on the other side of the equation: how do you deal with a social climber?
Here are a few great tips:
1. Ignore Them
If they do it not in front of you like in this case, ignore them.
When they engage in social climbing the really socially smart people see that.
Basically, social climbers are taking away their own value: let them do that.
When you recognize their behavior and address it you also dignify their action with your attention. You bring them to your own level.
Why bother.
2. Stop Them In Their Track
When people are using you for their social climbing effort, they are actively undermining you, and you should intervene.
Whatever they say against you, look at them like they said the most stupid thing in the world.
For example:
Social Climber: (looking at someone else in the group, but referring to you) He doesn’t know any better
You: Mate… Why are you saying that. The way you speak you make me sound like I am an idiot and I am not cool with that.
Why are you doing that?
Social Climber: ? What do you mean, I just meant…
You: No man, you said I don’t know any better. I don’t know why you feel like you need to treat people that way. Maybe it’s some inferiority complex or something, but whatever it is, if you cannot talk to me politely, please don’t talk to me at all.
Also read: how to throw people under the bus.
The last one is my favorite:
3. Explain Their Game
This is a technique we already spoke about in the Alpha Male Handshake.
It consists of you eloquently and openly explaining to everyone what they are up to.
Basically, you summarize this article explaining what they’re doing it (pushing people down), why they’re doing it (to gain social status) and why it’s nasty (high quality people pull people up, not down).
If you execute it well, you will shame the social climber while at the same time shooting your own value through the roof.
4. Confront Them
While most guides, books and websites recommend you confont them, I don’t actually like this option.
As I have stated many times already, the social climbers are actively harming themselves and they are jealous of you.
Going straight to them will not make them stop being jealous of you.
The only time I would recommend you confront them is when what they say is actually, really harming you (a minority of cases).
Otherwise, if you are angry, I recommend you use that anger to fuel you even further ahead.
Remember, the best revenge is always success.
Also read:
SUMMARY
We all have within us, and men especially so, the tendency to engage in social climbing.
There is nothing inherently wrong with it, unless it’s poorly executed, or when it turns overly nasty.
It’s much better instead to climb by virtue of your presence and value.
Because this is the rule of over-climbing:
You social climb your status to the middle, never to the top.
The Power Moves
Also, read:
- Social climbing in leaders: a case study with Obama
- How to gain status, the good way
