The Dating Playbook For Men teaches men how to date more successfully and how to live a more fulfilling.
- You can’t wait for a woman to make you happy: you must build your own fulfilling life
- Love yourself. Work on yourself because you want, not because you’re not good enough (you are)
- Take lots of action
- Never change yourself: be you and look for a woman with whom you naturally get along
The Dating Playbook For Men spans self-help, dating, sex and relationships. I will skip the relationship bit.
The Grounded Man
The author talks about the “grounded man”, which would be his version of a high quality man.
The grounded man:
- He knows what he wants
- Takes action towards his goals
- Has something more important going on in his life than women
- Does not sacrifice his self-worth for the attention of a woman
- Has a strong set of values that he lives by
- He does not need a woman, he wants a woman
The first two chapters basically discuss the grounded man and pushes the reader to look at himself and ask: are you living the life you really want?
The key, says Ferebee, is to care less and less of what others think of you.
Admit it, he says, you are on your own.
Be Happy Without a Woman
The author says that some men are looking at external factors, including women, to make them happy.
But a woman will never make you happy.
Nothing external will ever make you happy as a matter of fact.
You have to find your own why. that something that motivates you and gets you up in the morning
Happiness, says the author, is living in integrity with what you value. And they have to be your values. You need to live by your own rules to be happy and fulfilled.
Be In Love With Who You Are
The author stress the importance of linking yourself.
You must love and appreciate who you are. You choose to grow and develop, but because you choose to, not because you need it.
My Note: I find this difference in “choosing” to improve instead of “having to” a bit empty and uneeded.
I believe a man with an antifragile ego can accept that he must improve while still believing he’s a great catch.
By reading book like The Dating Playbook For Men, says the author, shows that you don’t allow your ego to get in the way of your personal growth.
And that puts you already in the top 1%.
Don’t Prove Yourself
The author says that you shouldn’t prove yourself to women.
Some men try to talk women’s off on how good they are, or “trying to show higher value” like some pick up artists say.
The author instead says that beauty should not be enough for you.
You should check if her value match your value system, and if she doesn’t she’s not girlfriend material for you.
Don’t Try to Get Women to Like You
Indeed, The Dating Playbook For Men advocates that you don’t even try to get all women to like you.
You should always be yourself and be on the lookout for women who vibe with who you are.
Always Be Having Fun
Life is short and we must live it to the fullest.
Bring that child together into this life and enjoy yourself.
People want to be around people who enjoy life.
Jerks and Good Guys
Andrew Ferebee says that women want both jerks and good guys… In the same guy.
Women want when who respect them and can be nice to them. But also men who can assert themselves and impose themselves when the situation calls for it.
He says that many men want the girl next door who’s pretty but can also get nasty in bed.
Well, women want the same thing for men.
Andrew Ferebee says that to get good you must take a lot of action.
Going out two nights a week should be your minimum.
He recommends bars and clubs because that’s where you get the highest density of women and where you can get the most interactions per hour.
How to Approach
After the self-help part the author goes into how to approach women.
He says that if it’s weird you should acknowledge it openly. For example: “I’m really shy” or “I know it’s weird but.. “.
Try to make her talk more than you talk, but when you questions make sure you don’t fall into interviewing mode with one question right after another. Instead of using questions, think of using statements.
Try to keep talking for longer so that you can build a connection.
Very quick interactions with phone numbers, says the author, don’t go anywhere.
And when you exchange phone numbers, make sure you stay one minute longer after the phone number.
Seed The Date
The author says you will meet more women on a date if you seed the date during the interaction. For example you could ask her: what’s the best place in town to go for under 25 Dollars.
Then you can invite her to that place (my note: I don’t like this method).
Social Skills First
Andrew says that before getting into seduction and women, you should focus on your social skills and your understanding of social dynamics, which indeed makes sense.
The author says that if you got her phone number early in the night, text her during that same night. For example: “what are you doing” or “where are you”.
If you cannot meet her right that same day, the goal is to build rapport (my note: agree much here, it’s difficult building rapport via text).
As a rule of thumb, keep your text as long as hers or shorter.
- Text flirting
- What to text when she doesn’t reply
- Texting a flaky girl
- Text to date (templates of text by text to set up dates)
The author recommends for dates in the evening or night, going for happy hour, yoghurt or coffe. He recommends you pay and sit side by side instead of across of each other.
Change venues whenever you can and when you want to invite her home just say that you’re going back to your place for a couple drinks and she should come with you.
If she refuses, don’t get fazed by it or you’ll ruin the date. Just keep enjoying the time together instead.
Real Life Applications
Avoid Social Date Events
I loved one of the reason why the author recommends
Make The Drink In Front of Her
I couldn’t help but nod and confirm that this is a small but genius advice. More than one woman told me that wouldn’t have drank if I didn’t make the drink in front of them or opened a new bottle.
If You’re Taking Her Back to Her Place…
… Ask her to use her restroom to get inside.
Maybe not Deep Enough in Dating Advice
From a book with the title “The Dating Playbook For Men” I was expecting a lot of techniques and dating strategies. There are some, but it falls a bit short in the nitty gritty in my opinion.
Not Always Top Advice
The mindsets are very good and the dating advice is good more times yes than not. But still, there are a few recommendation that very much fall flat in my opinion.
For example the author recommends you don’t make the phone number your goal. Very true. And then he recommends that to ask for her phone number you say “let’s exchange contact real quick”. With the “real quick” which supposedly “increases conversation rate”. It sounded contrived to me and coming from a weak mindset.
- He recommends you keep sending texts from the moment you agree on a date till the day of the date, which I also don’t agree with.
- “Never skip foreplays”, while I hold more a belief that you should always walk the shortest line possible towards the first time you have sex, and often you can get there without foreplays and even without kissing
Some Made Up Facts
Sometimes I felt as if the author based his attraction theory on what fits his narrative rather than what’s actually grounded in reality. For example he says that you should move ahead in life. True. And then he adds “women are attracted to momentum more than success. Well, are we sure?
At times it feels a little bit too much like a pep talk. “You are enough”, “you are perfect as you are” etc.
There is quite a bit of upsell in The Dating Playbook For Men.
Holistic Approach on Self-Development
I’m not a fan of dating books talking about self-help. But it’s still important, and Andrew hits the nail on the head on that topic.
Very Good Insights
Andrew Ferebee shares a lot of solid advice and he gets lots of stuff right.
The author has a good grasp of psychology and psychology of dating.
For example, he says that sex is the ultimate form of submission for a woman, which indeed is a shrewd observation.
The Dating Playbook For Men is 50% dating knowledge and techniques and 50% self help content. In a way, it’s not too dissimilar from the very popular Models.
Personally, I prefer books to be laser focused on a specific topic, but that’s also a matter a preference.
Overall, it’s a solid book.
It has both good self-development content and good dating advice.