The Way of The Superior Man is a mix of self-help, relationship and sexual advice and spiritualism.
It’s well written and it shares some profound and life changing ideas… Just not well written for people who like facts and straight talkers.
- Embrace your masculine energy (or feminine energy if you are a woman)
- Find your purpose: respect everyone, but follow your purpose first (and before her)
- Don’t wait for a future moment to be happy: your moment to embrace is always now
The Way of The Superior Men is a mix of spiritual, self-help and relationship advice book.
It’s a darling of many manosphere reader, and in part for good reasons: it has heaps of great ideas (but some not so good as well).
So let’s start:
Find Your Life’s Purpose
David Deida recommends you know what you are on this earth for and that you find a WHY for your existence.
He recommends you go to a quite place and think. Think about who you, what’s important to you and where you want to. Do it for as long as it takes until you find your purpose.
He says that your woman will test you to see if you found your WHY and if your are serious about it. She wants to know that you can stay the course and she doesn’t want to be your first priority in life.
She will also prod you and test you to see that your happiness does not depend fully on her and and all your eggs are not solely in her basket. But deep down, she wants to relax and let herself in your direction and leadership.
Put Your Purpose First
Admit to yourself that if you had to choose (..) the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose (..) your purpose.
Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart’s purpose. Tell her that you will spend 30 minutes (…) in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission
Embrace Your Masculine Energy: Polarization Attracts
One of the central tenets of David Deida’s book is the male and female energy based on the yin and yang philosophy.
Both men and women have both male and female energy within them, but for an harmonious, passionate and successful relationship there has to be a balance where the man embraces his masculine energy and the woman embraces her feminine energy.
When neither genders embrace their gender-specific energy the relationship lacks passion. When one gender is not embracing their energy, the other partner is forced to make up for it.
A man who dos not embraces his masculine energy is forcing the woman to act more like a man.
And a man who embraces his masculine energy allows the woman to celebrate her femininity.
Indeed, if you want more femininity or masculinity in your partner a great way is to increase your gender-specific energy and purge yourself of the opposite gender-specific energy (ie.: be less feminine as a man and be less masculine as a woman).
If he spends more time in the mirror and his own radiance and life force makes him happier than his woman she will be upset (..)
If he spends more time combing his air than he spends receiving radiance, then there is no polarity.
The Masculine Traits
You need to define your own masculine traits, but The Way of The Superior has a few pointers:
- Lead the relationship
- Find a life purpose
- Live his own personal truth
- Stick to his value
- Live with integrity
- Seeks freedom
- Faces his fears
Embrace Her Drama
The Way of The Superior Man advice men to endure their women’s drama, embracing with love and good spirit.
You can’t escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will
He must seek to understand what she really needs, because women will rarely say that they actually need. And the vast majority of times her turmoil stems from not feeling loved.
As most relationships books advice, don’t try to fix it, but listen.
For Real Passion: Let Go, Ravish Her
The Way of The Superior Man embraces love in its most animalistic aspect.
When was the last time you really ravished your woman? That is, when was the last time you really “took” her, savagely, lovingly, with no inhibition whatsoever?
He makes some fun of “neutral” loving:
If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed.
The female can do her part by letting go of her sense of directions to allow her partner to exercise direction (ie.: be the leader in bed).
Finally, Deida says I’m sure not without some criticism by some of the readers, that “the difference between rape and ravishment is love”.
The difference between rape and ravishment is love
Leverage Sexual Energy: Don’t Come
Deida puts it much more gently, but in practice that’s what it’s about. He says:
Third level man walks away from her without consuming the desire
Albeit I wasn’t really sure what this “third level man” meant, he advice men not to peak during intercourse and to keep that energy to stay hungry and motivated during his life pursuits.
To enjoy sex without coming Deida says:
- Relax your muscle instead of tensing them. When your face contracts, relax it, when your breath get short, breath deeply
- Focus more on your partner than on yourself
My Note: this is something that I did a lot when younger. I used to ejaculate less because I made it more about her. If you’re not ejaculating because you make it too much about her, then it’s not coming from a good place (read: No More Mr. Nice Guy). If you do it consciously to keep your sexual energy, then it’s OK. Otherwise ravishing and coming and are not mutually exclusive of course-
Face Your Fears, Do Your Best (& Get Friends Who Do The Same)
Deida exhorts the readers to do their best in life, to go after their grand vision and to be untolerant of mediocrity.
Men should have friends who do the same and who help and push each other. With love and caring, our friends should hold us to our highest standards and nudge us towards facing our fears and pushing our limits.
Real Life Applications
Pursue Your Goal, Not Duties
It’s easy getting distracted by to-do lists and duties others pile on us. But it’s up to you to make sure that your duties and tasks align with your goals. Otherwise you’re a puppet on someone else’s strings.
Stop Putting Contingencies on Your Happiness: NOW Is Time to Be Happy
Don’t think that once you will reach X you can relax, be happy and enjoy life. It rarely works that way. Your life is now, now is the time to be happy.
Ad David Deida says: every moment waited is a moment wasted.
Every moment waited is a moment wasted
Counterproductive Advice: Operant Conditioning Done Wrong
I don’t believe that you should “embrace drama” and that “the love you magnify may realign her behavior”. That’s not an effective advice for men in a relationship.
A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around. Occasionally, talking with her helps, but not as often as humor and physically expressed love
This is basically saying to “lift her moods when she gives you drama and shit. That’s a terrible approach in my opinion, rewarding bad behavior and the opposite of what one should do.
Shallow Information: Feminine/Masculine Polarization
The idea of polarization is certainly true, but it’s also shallow and not entirely accurate in its generalization.
A masculine men with slight feminine traits, such as dandy, can be extremely attractive to women.
Unfounded Conclusions: Sexual Chemistry Make Bad Relationships?
The author says that the woman who most turns you own sexually will turn you off for the rest of your life. I’d really like to know based on what does he say that.
“Variety is the essence of the feminine”.
Maybe. But based on what?
The author says that shoe shopping about women is about “variety of shoes”.
I wonder if the same could not be said of men collecting cars and footballers stickers -just to stick with gender stereotypes-.
In many ways, the relationship part and the descriptions of The Way of The Superior Man reminded me of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. That means that it’s not necessarily wrong, and it’s often actually right. But it’s not super accurate, rather general and overall not based on any science and research.
Meaning Is Amplified By Poetry – Or Lost?
The Way of The Superior Man, a bit like 12 Rules for Life, has great ideas. But in my opinion they get lost, and not amplified, by the rhetorical embroidery. Here is an example:
Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love, just as you are here to pervade the world. In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.
I think the content, teased out from the text, is actually good. But put it like that, it’s more about sweet-sounding prose than about delivering concrete wisdom.
If the author wished to keep it like that, which is OK because it does sound beautiful, would have at least added, after or before, the meaning in plain English.
“I want you my bitch”
In the last chapter The Way of The Superior man suggests to use that sentence.
The vocal delivery in the audiobook was particularly interesting and captivating. But, I felt, also somewhat ridiculous.
The two aren’t mutually exclusive, but if you want to go down that sexual road, I believe that actions should replace words.
Reconnect With Your Dark Desire
The part I liked the most was in the reconnection with our animalistic and darkest desire. The
I’m not the best reviewer for new age and spiritual texts.
I like information straight up, clear, concise and accurate. That’s not what you get in spiritual texts.
And I didn’t like The Way of Men.
Too convoluted, too much aesthetics and too gospel-sounding.
I felt like it was a mumble jump of gender generalizations and watered down manosphere packaged in a cool sounding but information-poor new-agey format.
Moving beyond the writing style I did like a a lot of concepts and some of them are very profound and life changing.
What I liked most is that Deida elevates animalistic, carnal desire to a Godly, sublime experience. That was awesome. A reconnection to our primal, darkest selves is a huge takeaway.
You give it a try, and I would love to hear your opinion in the comments.