How to Be An Alpha Male In 10 Simple Steps

alpha male pyramid with title "10 steps to be an alpha male"

Want to know how to become an alpha male?

We built this website for that!
This step-by-step guide will show you exactly how to become an alpha male.

But first, a warning:

To become an alpha male you must start from the truth of what it truly takes to be an alpha male.

We generally prefer and advise to become high-quality, “non-jerk” alpha males -also because it’s better for you-.
But the truth is that becoming an alpha male has little to do with ethics and morals.

That being said, here is a little taste of what our students get in Power University.

Let’s start:

1. Gain Status & Power

how to be an alpha male infographic

The standard definition of alpha male is:

The alpha male is the individual at the top of a power hierarchy.
And the alpha male type instead is the type of man who is most likely to climb hierarchies.

All other traits we list serve to facilitate the climb and acquire more status and power.

So now the question becomes:

How do you climb hierarchies to acquire status and power?

Some “rules” for gaining power are group-dependent.
But many of the most important ones are the same everywhere.

In Power University we go deeper with a proven system to climb upward in life.
But to get you started:

2. Be Ambitious: Seek Status & Success

The #1 trait to help you become an alpha male is drive.

Drive is the only necessary trait to become an alpha male because you can make up for any other trait you don’t have.
But if you are not driven to climb and advance in life… Then nobody else will do it for you.

Drive is also necessary because it provides the fire and motivation to find a way.
Tony Robbins has a point when he says that it’s not resources that are most important, but resourcefulness.

That’s why one can be low self-esteem, sloppy, or short and unattractive and still become an alpha male. it’s because if he’s extremely driven, chances are he will find a way.

As an example of a short man who became an alpha male:

Berlusconi: (turns around, and physically moves the taller guy to a corner)

3. Eradicate Low Power Behavior

Low power behavior is the antithesis of becoming an alpha male.

And before we can think of adding high-power behavior, we must focus on purging low-power one.

Frankly, there are a million ways to act low power.
Plus, much of our behavior follows our mindsets, subconscious beliefs, and feelings.

We dig deeper in Power University, but to give you an idea:

  • Don’t allow others to cross your boundaries, including:
    • Invading your personal space
    • Touching you or your belongings
  • Avoid suffering or stewing in silence when you feel disrespected (passive communication style)
  • Never be a passive victim of disempowering behavior. Instead, always push back, including:
  • Avoid getting revenge in indirect ways (passive-aggressive, comes across as sneaky)

But also:

  • Fawning over attractive women, because high-power men either have attractive women, or focus on how to get them
  • Lusting after things because high-power people either have them, or plan and act to acquire them
  • Idolizing other men because you can’t become an alpha male if you think any other man is so much above you

3.2. Eradicate Social Submissiveness & Passivness

There are times when deferring is appropriate.

However, generally speaking, you cannot be an alpha male if you’re too submissive.

To get you started with some real-life examples:

And of course, never forget social power dynamics:

People test and attack you as part of the natural status negotiation.
And the general rule of that status negotiation is:

The more you let others one-up you and disempower you, the more status you lose. And the more you stay stuck at the bottom.
Conversely, the better you defend and counter-attack, the more status and respect you acquire.

Power moves are part of the status negotiation.
When someone pulls a power move, they lay down a gauntlet.
They’re positioning themselves above you.

To borrow from pick-up artist terminology, you can see a power move as a “social shit test.

If you miss it, let it slip, or submit, you confirm you’re below them and lose status.
If you check it, it may be a draw.
But if you turn it around… You win.

3.3… Eradicate Low-Power Body Language


  • Hunched over
  • Making yourself smaller
  • Too high energy

Also, be mindful of the little details.
Because, often, it’s in the smallest details that you sub-communicate masculine power or low-power tentativeness.


analysis of high-power VS low-power signs
The mask at a time when the whole Western world had moved past it looks overly cautious. The grip on the mic is also “too delicate” to sub-communicate power.

And no, aggressive-looking big guns won’t help you if you hold them like a girl

3.4. Quit Hiding Behind Her Skirt

#real talk:

Nothing says “beta” like a man whose life and decision revolve around his wife.

Alpha males take full charge of their lives.
And you cannot earn alpha male respect and status if your partner controls you.

Example of a man losing his friends’ respect with “p*ssy-whipped behavior”:

non-alpha male behavior text example
Our common friend said to me in person that “it all depends on my GF” was “so cringe”. I couldn’t help but agree. Never subordinate your decisions to your partner.

4. Behave High-Power

Simple rule to become an alpha male:

To become an alpha male, act like an alpha male.

Here are some articles to get you started on high-power behavior:

And assertiveness and solid frame control also help.

4.2. Adopt High-Power Body Language

Example of alpha male body langauge compared to beta male body language

Trump faces the audience, snubs her, and has open body language and gesticulation. She rotates towards him, looks at him, and has a “hands up” gesture that mimics a powerless, “please” attitude

Alpha males tend to move and act:

  • With high social ROI, meaning that they invest little and get a lot in return
  • Lower energy, albeit it’s certainly possible to be alpha and high energy
  • Slow and deliberate

Learn more at:

Alpha male body langauge example takign space

Taking up space and spreading out is a popular and tested advice to sub-communicate comfort, confidence, and a high social-dominance orientation

4.3. Be Socially Powerful

When we say “high power”, we mean it holistically.

However, the largest chunk of it is probably social.
Many men tend to over-focus on the physical. And albeit important and they all overlap, social power is where you can gain the most status.

Explains Storr:

As humans evolved, our game of status also evolved from mostly physical, to mostly verbal and sub-communication.

Storr, The Status Game

Women Are Attracted To Socially Powerful Men

Men respect socially powerful men, and women find them attractive.

As one Power University student shares in the forum::

After studying PU my partner has started to really be attracted to me at a primordial level, like she never was -and I as well to her
All the power moves from her are disappearing, she now tries to be more loving, closer, more helpful than ever
Other women whom I find attractive approach me or show high interest, sometimes even when my partner is present

Power University alumnus in TPM’s forum

4.4. Wear The Pants: Be High Power In Dating & Relationships

Here’s the key to becoming an alpha male:

Wear the pants in your relationship.

Wearing the pants in the house is both the minimum entry level AND a wholly sufficient condition to be an alpha male.
Your home is your castle. And doesn’t matter how dilapidated that castle may be, if you’re king there, you’re good (enough) to be an alpha.


You could work a dead-end minimum wage job and drink beer every evening and still be an alpha male as long as you wear the pants in the house.

But please get the right mindset and stay away from much of the current toxic advice.

We advocate for being benevolent, value-adding relationship leaders here by earning that respect.
(Which is also a lot better for you, by the way).

We go deep into the “how” in Power University & Seduction University.

5. Eradicate Low-Power Mindsets & Thoughts

The mind is the backbone of the alpha male type.

And the mind is foundational because thoughts precede behavior, govern unconscious body language, and control instinctual responses.

Some possible foundational issues include:

  • Excessive self-doubt
  • Self-loathing
  • Low self-esteem
  • Self-debasement in favor others
    • Pedestalizing others, which is willing subordination
    • Fandom

5.2. Avoid Being An “Eternal Student”

Of course you must learn.

However, you must avoid being a low-power learner and an eternal student.

Again, this is about mindsets.
Alpha males see themselves as learning on the way to be top dog alphas, not eternal students.

The teacher is intrinsically higher status. And narcissistic teachers “power scalp” on that. They disempower power-blind students who don’t even realize they’re learning how to be even bigger betas

5.2.2 Avoid Disempowering Teachers

The first step is to avoid disempowering teachers.

And there is a ton of those.
Especially in the male-only, “alpha male” self-development.

These narcissistic gurus mentally disempower you by talking down, social climbing, or framing themselves as intrinsically superior.

Your answer to that?
F*ck you!

That’s the proud alpha male visceral reaction to disempowering gurus.

Read more at:

5.3. Cut Out Motivational Talk. Motivation Is For Betas

It’s about foundational alpha male psychology:

Alpha males don’t need motivational talk because they’re intrinsically motivated.

And albeit they won’t say it, here’s a little golden nugget for you:

Many alpha males look down on men who consume motivational content.
To alpha males, they’re mentally weak time wasters.

So here’s a more alpha-type mindset for you:

You want whatever your actions get you.
If you’re not putting in the work to achieve X, you don’t really want it.

So instead of “motivating yourself”, embrace whatever you do.
And if that means drinking beer while watching a match, great.

5.3.2 Reject All Disempowering Motivation

No alpha male signs up to being talked down to and framed like a soft p*nsy

Same as for disempowering teachers:

the worst motivation is the one that talks down on you, and frames you as an unmotivated pansy (see David Goggins and Dan Pena style).

Motivation is already a covert power move.
And disempowering motivation is a red-level power move.

Just think about it:

Who can accept someone who talks down on him and frames him as a spineless man?
Only a spineless man can accept that “motivation”.
And those are NOT alpha males.

6. Think High Power

The healthiest and most mentally resilient alpha males accept themselves, love themselves in spite of everything, and believe in themselves

The conundrum to the mental aspects of becoming an alpha male is:

Self-esteem is more foundational, but confidence is comparatively more important to becoming an alpha male.

Confidence is more important because confidence shows more than self-esteem.
But self-esteem is more resilient and crucial for mental health.
So, we strongly recommend prioritizing self-esteem as well.

Some of the psychological foundations to become an alpha male include:

  • Basic self-esteem: “I am worthy and feel good about myself”
    • Comparative self-esteem: “I am as worthy as anyone else”
  • Entitlement: “I deserve power”
    • Positive entitlement: “I deserve power because I can add lots of value”
  • Confidence: “I am capable and high-value and can acquire status”
    • Antifragile confidence: “I can become capable in at least some domain if I apply myself”

To do well in life, above-average levels of empowered thinking are enough.

But to reach the top, you need more.

Rather than simply avoiding an inferiority complex, many high-achieving alpha males have a superiority complex.
And that is especially true for “underdog” type of alpha males.

It’s simple logic: extraordinary achievement requires extraordinary character.
This is why the dark triad is over-represented at the top: they’re more extreme.
And this is where we step, empowering good men to win that game.

6.2 Adopt The Alpha Male Traits

Common alpha male traits include:

  • Risk appetite
  • High demands and expectations
  • Courage, to do what needs to be done
  • Competitiveness and “drive to win”
  • Goal-orientation and mission-focus
  • Emotional steadfastness
  • Emotional self-reliance, based on solid self-esteem. People and events don’t dictate how the alpha male feels about himself
  • Goals & process over feelings
    • “F*ck happiness”, alpha males focus on achieving
  • Pride, in yourself, your work, what you stand for
  • Decisiveness and bias for action
  • Focus on what’s possible

Of course, mind the law of balance.
Any good trait can be taken to a self-defeating extreme.
For example, extreme risk appetite turns into ineffective recklessness. And extreme focus on what’s possible stifles creativity and resourcefulness.

7. Get More Socially Strategic (& Machiavellian)

As a rule of thumb:

Social strategists beat strongmen in the race to the alpha male role.

If that’s true in chimps, where physical aggressiveness is pervasive, it’s even truer for us humans (Ridley, 1993).

We’re all about smart strategizing here.
Some of our articles include:

And well, by now you probably know that we get a lot deeper on that in Power University.

8. Avoid Anything Overly Feminine

The basics:

  • Pink color
  • Red hearts
  • TikTok dances

But lower intermediate:

  • Endless “relationship talks”
  • Gossiping
  • Drama
  • Stay-at-home daddying

8.2. Avoid Feminine Body Language

With the power moves he ate from Trump without knowing how to defend and with this type of body language, Jeb Bush never had large odds at becoming president

It’s quite obvious that Jeb Bush’s expression above is not very “alpha”.

However, the more advanced level is in the details.

For example, despite being a big-muscle bodybuilder, Derek sometimes defaults to body language that is not very masculine:

Hands hiding each other, unnatural finger position signaling discomfort, soft “stay home” flannel pullover, big toothy smile… All together gives a feminine vibe (please note: this is no dig at the man in the picture, you could pull a thousand pics where I or anyone else may also look a bit too feminine)

See Power University for more examples and tips we can’t share publicly.

8.3. Be Careful Breaking “Traditional Roles” Conventions

This is where it gets trickier.

Dominant alpha males tend to be more right-wing (Kleppesto et al., 2022).

These politically conservative alpha males consider traditionally female roles as feminine.
And they consider men in traditionally female roles as “less masculine” and, crucially, less respect-worthy.

Albeit we always advise avoiding silly extremes, it’s good to keep in mind the “traditionally feminine” endeavors:

  • Doing the cooking at home
  • Taking care of the decor
  • Nursing
  • Childcare
  • Beauty products fascination
  • Stay-at-home daddying

To capture this with a meme:

alpha male vs soyboy meme
Albeit a for-fun meme, it’s not wholly baseless. The more conservative alpha males think exactly like that

9. Be More Masculine


To become an alpha male, you need to earn male respect.

And masculinity helps you earn credibility, respect, and status with other men (Vanedello, 2013).

No need to overdo it. Most men who avoid being feminine will be “masculine enough”.
But if you need some help, some of the basics are:

  • Team sports experience
  • Know how to drive a car/motorbike
  • Basics of assembling or fixing things. More about the attitude of wanting to check, understand, or at least try (before calling professional help)
  • Defense of self, others and/or home

Generally speaking, watch out for correcting masculinity because it’s easy to overdo. And you don’t want to come across as over-compensating, posturing, or “off”.

9.2. Look More Masculine

There’s much you can do.

Just to give you some ideas:

  • Dress professionally high power at work
  • Get a masculine metal watch, keep the plastic for your runs, and steel above gold
  • Wear adult male shoes, ditch the sneakers
  • Stay in decent shape
The left man isn’t inherently “better”. But he’s better put together. That sub-communicates he “cares”, raises the odds he’ll go places, and ultimately makes him higher value and “more alpha” than the guy who doesn’t care

if you’re balding, shave.
Bald heads are masculine and high dominance.

9.3 Get Bigger & Deeper

Yes, physicality matters.

Getting buffer for shorter guys helps, and baby-faced men can gain with more power and less warmth.

You can also work on your voice, posture, walk, and many more.

See Power University to win as an underdog and/or smaller guy.

10. Become A Master At Your Craft

Yes, that simple:

Get good at whatever you do.

Competence helps you to become an alpha male because:

  1. Competence is power. You can charge more and acquire resources, make higher-power friends, teach others, etc.
  2. Men respect competence
  3. Competence implies several masculine and alpha-life traits, such as drive, ambition, perseverance, and sometimes even a geeky but still masculine “obsession” (women rarely get obsessed about anything)
  4. Competence helps you raise through the ranks, especially in goal-focused organization

Of course, to make the most of competence you need to pair it with power intelligence and skills. Otherwise, many competent but naive men only become greater targets for exploitation.

Bonus: Become Prestigious For Eternal Alphaness

Yoda as an example of alpha male based on prestige

Yoda, an avatar for “wisdom”, is someone you could respect and look up to despite him looking very alpha

Some alpha male traits have an invincible enemy that never quits and always wins.

And that is time.

For example, all physically-related traits, including strength and size, decrease with time.

Luckily though, some status-promoting traits can increase over time (if you work on them, of course).
So if you’re strategic about your self-development you can stay an alpha male, no matter what happens to your body.

The traits to work on relate to what psychology researchers refer to as “prestige” (rather than simply “dominant”).
You’re prestigious when people willingly give you status and willingly accept your influence.

Here are some traits or skills that make you prestigious:

  • Experience
  • Wisdom
  • “Worldliness”
  • Achievements, even if old ones
  • Mastery of a skill or knowledge domain
  • Character, including integrity, honesty, and reliability
prestigious alpha male infographic
Prestige is all about ultimate self-development, including reaching a more “enlightened” stage

Older Indian tribe chiefs or elderly councils are good examples of alpha male status through prestige.

But you can also acquire prestige much younger.

Example: When Alpha Types Subordinate To More Prestigious Men

The author’s nephew is taller, larger, more muscular, and more socially dominant…

And he still willingly subordinates to yours truly.

Including some form of “slightly intimidated reverence” when he shared feeling “green and unaccomplished” in the author’s company.
And wrote to “one day hope to be at the same level”.

That slight prestige-based intimidation can also be a very powerful attraction tool in dating.

Becoming An Alpha Male FAQs

And these are some common questions we often receive on our various channels:

Can I become an alpha male?

While individual advice without in-person assessment is impossible, chances are that you can do a lot to become more like an alpha male type.
Whether you will ultimately reach the peak of any status hierarchy depends on many factors such as your starting point, the time horizon, your environment, and your level of drive and effort.
However, you can most certainly advance and do better and better.

Can any man become an alpha male?

All men can do a lot to become more like an alpha male because many of the mindsets, traits and behaviors range on a spectrum and can be acquired, increased, or learned.

How can I become an alpha?

While coming up with an individualized plan is always the best approach, we can generally suggest two high-level approaches that tend to be effective.
One is to start focusing on your biggest and addressable weakness, or your biggest “glaring lack”. The second approach is to work on both mindsets and behavior at the same time, and to start with self-esteem as the foundation of a strong and healthy mind.

What are the best courses and books to become an alpha male

The best resources to become an alpha male draw from science, first-hand experience, and the author’s expertise.
Make sure the author covers all three angles because some marketers and less-than-ideal teachers may prey on still-naive men.
Picking a worthy teacher is also important because we learn by example and chances are you will be emulating his personality.
Finally, courses with video examples are superior to books because you will learn the most by seeing. And courses with quizzes and exercises can be helpful to help you internalize the mindsets.

Can I be an alpha male if I’m a short guy?

Albeit height certainly helps both with gaining other men’s respect and with your own self-confidence, you can most certainly become an alpha male as a short guy.
As a matter of fact, height’s most limiting factor is often self-imposed. Meaning that it mostly matters only insofar as you believe that it should matter. (And conversely doesn’t matter much if you ignore it first).
The same holds true for any other “lack”. And we built this whole website to help the underdogs succeed.

See Power University for the one-stop program to become a high-quality alpha male

  • Gilby, I.C., Brent, L.J.N., Wroblewski, E.E. et al. Fitness benefits of coalitionary aggression in male chimpanzees. Behav Ecol Sociobiol 67, 373–381 (2013).
  • Kleppesto, T. H., et al. The genetic underpinnings of right-wing authoritarianism and social dominance orientation explains prejudice beyond big five personality.
  • Vandello, J. A., & Bosson, J. K. (2013). Hard won and easily lost: A review and synthesis of theory and research on precarious manhood. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 14(2), 101–113.
  • Buss, D. M. (2016). The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
  • Ridley, M. (2003). The red queen: Sex and the evolution of human nature. Harper Perenial.
  • Mannes, A. E. (2013). Shorn Scalps and Perceptions of Male Dominance. Social Psychological and Personality Science4(2), 198–205.
  • J.K. Maner, C.R. Case, Chapter Three – Dominance and Prestige: Dual Strategies for Navigating Social Hierarchies, ISSN 0065-2601, ISBN 9780128047385,
  • Storr, W. (2021). The status game: on social position and how we use it. HarperCollins UK.
  • Snyder, J. K., Kirkpatrick, L. A., & Barrett, H. C. (2008). The dominance dilemma: Do women really prefer dominant mates? Personal Relationships, 15(4), 425–444.
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