Alpha Male Strategies (AMS) is a dating book for men. It offers a red-pill perspective on dating and relationships, equipping men with mindsets and techniques to improve their dating lives.
From a seduction and relationship point of view, AMS focuses mostly on polyamory, keeping women on rotation and adding just enough new ones to keep the small harem going.
Alpha Male Strategies Author
Alpha Male Strategies, abbreviated as AMS, is an Afro-American man who provides dating and relationship advice to men.
If you are looking for Alpha Male Strategies’ bio and his real name, you’re out of luck. AMS writes and introduces himself as “Alpha Male Strategies, a dating coach”.
There is no public name available.
His dating advice could be classified as “lifestyle”.
Instead of focusing on “game” and techniques such as push-pull, routines, or cold approach openers, he focuses on increasing men’s sexual market value and building a life that attracts women -instead of chasing women-.
AMS started off as a YouTuber and then wrote three books on dating and relationships.
The book reviewed here is his first book and, so far, his best-seller.
- Stay on your purpose: that’s your N.1 priority and it should always be more important than any woman
- Don’t give her too much validation, or she will get bored with you
- Learn to be happy and content on your own
AMS Book Summary
About the Author: AMS is a self-help author and dating coach for men.
The Different Types of Pills
Here is how AMS describes the different types of stages a man reaches in his understanding of women:
- Red Pill men: see the world, including female nature, for what it is. A red-pill man cannot be in a relationship because they know about female hypergamy, and they know that women can’t really love a man.
- Purple pill men: know the truth, but, unlike red pill men, have decided to accept it. Most alpha males will periodically enter this stage as they tire of sleeping around and want a relationship
- Blue pill men: are unaware of female true nature
AMS says that red-pill men have a tendency to come off as bitter, and I fully agree. Also see:
AMS says red pill men come across as bitter because they truly wish to have something meaningful with a woman, but they know they can’t.
However, I disagree with the “they can’t”. I’ve been around the world and dated many women, and I have had countless meaningful relationships.
A High-Value Man is Dead Set on His Purpose
A high-value male is simply a man who is primarily focused on his passion and purpose in life.
A high-value man does not have much free time to chase women.
He might pursue and court her in the beginning, but if it’s not reciprocated or if it’s going nowhere, he will drop her because he has no time to waste.
Master The Ability to Be Alone
One of AMS’ foundational concepts is that of learning to be content with your own company.
The ability to be alone, says AMS, is what gives you true relationship control.
If you are afraid of being alone, you will never be able to demand respect because you are afraid that she will leave you.
Mastering the ability to be alone is not something you do for women. You do it for yourself.
And it will also help you with any other friend or family member who is being negative or unsupportive.
Get Your Finances in Order
AMS says that money is important.
You can have all the games you want, but women still care about financial stability.
Money is freedom, and it’s great to have.
However, to make sure that your money-making gig is also your purpose, AMS recommends you find something you truly like that can also be monetized.
However, you must be careful with money and resources.
If you’re not
- How women control men (and relationships)
The Three Dates Rules: How to Avoid Being Used
If you have money, you want to be careful that you are not going to be used for that money.
One way to protect yourself is to live by the “3 dates rule”.
The three-date rule means that if you have not slept with a woman by the third date, you are not going to see her again.
AMS recommends doing third dates only if she comes back to your place on the second.
The only exception is if she offered to pay for the date.
My Note: I Like This Approach
I like this approach. I would add a few more exceptions though, like if she’s a virgin, very inexperienced, or if you’re dating in a more conservative culture and environment.
Before You Make Money: Convince Her You Got a Plan
Since women like financial stability, if you are still hustling, you may find it difficult to date well.
AMS recommends that you communicate you have a plan and a vision to make it happen.
Get in Shape
Women love men with good physiques.
Women settle for the dad bod if the man displays beta male provider qualities, but all things equal, she would definitely prefer the nicer physique.
Keep Her Chasing Your Validation
AMS recommends avoiding validating women.
But since “validation” for AMS means any non-sexual attention, then it means you must be very distant at all times.
AMS’ goal with emotional distance is to avoid validating women so that they will crave your validation.
This is somewhat of a dark-psychology seduction technique and what on this website I call a “judge frame” whereby chase your validation to get emotional rewards from you.
It can work, but not always, and works best with a certain subset of women.
My Note: I disagree with the extent to which you should withhold your attention
While it’s certainly possible to give too much validation and attention, I disagree with AMS’ extreme.
For example, AMS says even when you’re in a relationship you should not initiate physical contact.
And he says you never want to communicate “I care about you”, which I think is counterproductive both in relationships and in dating.
Charisma Beats Looks
Charisma and personality are more important than looks, muscle, or money.
In the words of AMS himself:
AMS: So you stay on your fucking purpose.
And you go hit the fucking gym.
And some fat, broke mothafucker that got game and some personality will still take your fucking bitch, nigga
LOL, what a character AMS is :).
But Status is The Most Important Trait
AMS says that good looks and money will get your foot in the door but, by themselves, they’re not enough.
Personality and charisma are more important than looks and money.
But nothing beats status.
The 4 Types of Women
AMS says there are four types of women:
- Materialistic women: actually easy to sleep with because they’re not concerned with personality
- Relationship women: two sub-groups, the ones that want a relationship before sex, stay away from them, and after sex
- Attention whores: they just want attention, not real dates. Avoid wasting time on them
- Alpha seekers: they shit test a lot to avoid betas
Women’s Strategies to Get Men
Women will seek to get men in two ways:
- Quick sex, hoping that will keep him around (for men with options)
- Claiming celibacy, and making him wait (for men without options)
If you are socially skilled, then women will more likely try the good sex route.
And if you lack social skills, then they will more likely try to get you into a relationship before you even have sex.
You can’t fake social skills, says AMS.
And that’s why he encourages readers to socialize during the weekend -so, no to monk mode-.
The Male Strategies
- The nice guy: he seeks to be a friend first
- Beta male provider: shows off what a great provider he could be
- High-value male strategy: the alpha male lifestyle means he lives by his own rules
- Direct Approach: walking up to a stranger and insinuating a sexual relationship
- Choose your best dating strategy (provider VS lover)
- Alpha male providers VS beta male providers (scroll down)
Avoid Direct Approaches & Openers
AMS is against too direct approaches, especially sexual ones.
He says that’s not a good approach because it can scare women off and you preclude yourself from the ability to raise her interest levels with a date or two.
It’s a good point.
However, I do believe there are plenty of ways to sexualize a conversation early, without scaring women off.
See a texting example here:
And read the forum entry on using art for sexualization.
Don’t Do Cold Approaches: Alpha Males Don’t Spam-Approach
An alpha male instead waits for signals of interest before approaching, so he knows he’s good to go and he can retain his power.
And, says AMS, never leave the house with the mindset you are looking for women.
Just go out and enjoy your life, instead.
I disagree with this because it goes against the simple law of large numbers.
Also, read our own analysis of the limitations of the alpha male game:
The Two Steps to Sleeping With Women
AMS says there are two steps to sleeping with women.
The second step is charisma and game.
- Get your foot in the door with looks or financial stability
- Use game and charisma to sleep with her
Men who start making a lot of money start relying too heavily on their money to get laid.
And while sex is sex and it’s always good, you ideally don’t want to get laid just because of your money.
Plus, money isn’t going to be enough with all those ladies who are not primarily focused on money and financial stability.
Keep Your Dates Cheap…
Don’t try to impress her by throwing money around on dates.
Plus, if you don’t end up together, you will have wasted that money and you will feel even worse.
… But Pay for The Date
He who pays has power.
The one who pays decides where and when.
And if you let a woman do that, you are putting them in their masculine energy.
Alpha Males Don’t Kiss
I was surprised to hear this one.
AMS is the only dating coach I have read who recommends this behavior -and I have read many-.
And the funny thing is, it’s exactly what I’ve been doing for a while now.
Of the last 20 women I have been with, I probably only kissed 2 or 3 before having sex (update: that changes depending on location and on how much dating power I have).
AMS says that some women are just looking for sex, and kissing is more intimate. Don’t assume she wants intimacy, maybe she wants sex.
To me, it’s also a question of efficiency and risk-management: if a kiss is not needed, why go for it?
You might even find out she doesn’t kiss well, or she doesn’t like the way you kiss… Or one of you two just ate onions. So since it’s not needed, just don’t.
- Entitlement mentality: To maintain a masculine frame with the woman of your dreams, believe you are entitled to her
- Drop “we’ll see” women: When a woman says “we’ll see” or “I’ll let you know”, simply tell her to get back to you when she knows. Then stop talking to her (see “what I’m spontaneous really means“)
- Never discuss the other women you’re dating (but actually I think there is a good way to do this and it will shoot up attraction via preselection)
- Maintain calm frame: If a woman gets quiet during a date, don’t panic, stay calm, and hold your frame (see “frame control techniques“)
- Don’t argue with women: a masculine frame remains calm, assertive, and non-emotional
- Stay cool if someone hits on your GF: If a man is hitting on your girlfriend, you must remain calm, without showing signs of jealousy (also see: what to do when a man is hitting on your girlfriend)
- Don’t cheat: If you’re in a relationship: don’t cheat. Not because of ethics and morals, but for peace of mind
- Cycle different sex positions: If you want to last longer in bed, cycle between different positions. AMS switched between being on top, letting her ride, and from behind (same as I do)
The Beef With PUA
Alpha Male Strategies is not entertaining any beef.
But there was a critical video from Todd Valentine, a popular PUA, which seemed to criticize AMS’ style and the “alpha male approach to dating“.
Todd is a smart guy and he made some good points we also largely agree on in our article on “the limitations of the alpha male game“.
But I feel he missed a bit on the power of dating as a high-value man, since many pick-up artists date with rather low power.
Read more here on the types of male seducers:
On success and seduction:
Guys, let’s face it, women are attracted to successful men.
If you want your woman to submit to you in the bedroom, then you better damn well make sure she’s submitting to you outside of the bedroom, it’s that simple.
On putting women on a pedestal:
If you treat her like a celebrity she’s going to treat you like a fan.
Unfortunately, there’s always a beta male willing to play these women’s waiting game, just make sure it’s not you.
AMS recommends never to give oral sex to a woman (LOL, this just screamed “black guy advice” :D):
Under no circumstances are you to perform oral sex. It’s too submissive and validating. You’ll lower her attraction if you do.
I thoroughly enjoyed “Alpha Male Strategies“.
But, from my point of view, there were a few important red flags:
Just read the titles of these two chapters:
- How to keep sleeping with women who are feeling used
- How to keep sleeping with a woman who wants a relationship
AMS even says “lead her on for as long as you can”.
Beyond ethics and morals, there is also an element of fear and scarcity mindset when you focus so heavily on keeping a woman in your life that you must pour so much effort into stringing her along.
It’s the fear of not being able to find another woman or a woman who wants the type of relationship you want.
AMS says you shouldn’t feel guilty for leading women on because that’s what women do.
They string men along without ever giving sex, so you can string them along with sex without ever giving a relationship.
Clinical psychologist and Ph.D. Harriet Braiker says that it’s typical of a manipulative mindset to see the world as a place where you either play or get played (Braiker, 2003).
And I disagree with that advice for another reason as well: it’s a race to the bottom.
Why should you race against some bitch who strings men along? If you really have to use others as yardsticks, pick better people.
You shouldn’t be interested in a race towards the bottom.
As they say:
You can’t soar with the eagles if you’re worried about how the turkeys behave.
Relationship Control Based on Keeping Her Uncertain
To keep women attracted, AMS recommends keeping women uncertain.
Once you give a woman certainty the mystery and challenge are over and she starts to look for her next prey.
It sounds like overthinking it. If you’re a high-value man and generally provide her with a good time whenever you meet, both sexually and in conversations, women will naturally find you attractive.
Furthermore, this strategy can definitely become counterproductive.
A woman I liked walked out of my life because she said: “she needed to protect herself”.
I never told her I liked her, and she drew her own conclusions.
On dates, AMS advises:
When you’re on a date just simply withhold your interest level.
But why would you go out with a woman if you’re not interested in her and in getting to know her?
Indeed, when AMS advice to wait a week to contact her again after a date, he says that insecure women will not reply.
Instead, I think he is losing women by playing too disinterestedly.
- How to keep control and power in the relationship: the healthier way
The “women can’t love a man” mantra
Men who digested the red pill see the world for the way it truly is (…) They understand that women are incapable of truly loving a man.
Sentences like these leave me baffled.
Sometimes I have to wonder: can guys who write about seduction never have experienced a woman being in love with him?
And then there is the pot calling the kettle black thing.
As AMS writes about leading women on and never wanting a relationship, doesn’t he think that maybe it’s him who can’t truly love a woman?
I still remain open-minded to this supposed difference of love between a man and a woman, but my experience simply differed.
I’ve been in love, and some women have been in love with me -sometimes, a lot in love, and even when I was a rather average dude-.
So I wished some red pill authors provided some better arguments, examples, or scientific evidence for the mantra of “women can’t love a man”. But, so far, it just differs from my studies, experience, and observation.
Sometimes confuses culture with nature
Feminism has taught women to let men do all the pursuing.
Women are taught that since they have the vagina a man should do 100% of the pursuing.
This is just not true.
It’s not feminism that taught women they have lots of power in the sexual marketplace. It’s biology.
If anything, feminism tells women they’re more like men, so it allows women to be more active in dating.
Also, AMS writes:
Blue pill men tend not to be jealous because they’re completely unaware of female nature.
I strongly doubt it.
Jealousy is inborn.
The author himself teaches to keep jealousy at bay, so he probably also feels it.
Editing could be better
This is not the end of the world, but it does detract a bit from the author’s perceived authority.
Some typos were funny though. Like the “plutonic friend”, for example 🙂
I loved many of the concepts in “Alpha Male Strategies“.
And he offers a truly unique perspective on dating that few other authors have.
- Stressing the importance of being comfortable on your own
- The ability to be alone used to weed out uncooperative women
I couldn’t agree more with this:
This means if a woman is not giving you one hundred percent cooperation you have the ability to walk away. This means you’ve mastered the ability to be alone.
- The poor relationship nature between high-value men and demanding women
(…) due to your high value mindset maybe you don’t want to put up with their demanding attitudes
That is something I have noticed in myself many times indeed.
I never get together with women who are too demanding. That’s also why on this website, I recommend women not to play too many unavailable games: busy men will not keep chasing.
- AMS is not afraid of being vulnerable
I was expecting someone with that name to engage in some alpha male posturing.
Instead, AMS comes across as a down-to-earth, even vulnerable man.
For example, he says:
Few men are born alpha. Me myself I was a certified beta male up until I was 27 years old.
Alpha Male Strategies Review
I got to make a mea culpa.
I didn’t approach “Alpha Male Strategies” with the highest expectations.
I had seen a video from Todd Valentine where he criticized some red pill concepts, and the comments in there seemed to say Todd was actually criticizing AMS (and yes, I think he was).
So, somehow, I had built the wrong impression this was going to be some alpha male posturing caricature, mixed with red pill misogyny.
And while there is some stuff I disagree with, there is also a lot of great content here.
Some of the content goes to the core of what’s a high-value man, and some of it is also unique in the dating and seduction industry.
The author is also no show-off, he is actually very vulnerable and open in sharing himself and his past failures.
AMS says that he got much inspiration from Corey Wayne, author of “How to Be a 3% Man“, but I liked “Alpha Male Strategies” even more, and I find his seduction advice to be more effective.
If it weren’t for some win-lose and manipulative approaches I disagree with, such as the justification of male manipulation on females’ own manipulative nature, plus the red pill mantra that “women can’t love”, then this could be one of the best dating books for men.
AMS’ focus is also an interesting niche that is relatively under-served by seduction advice: picking up not scads of new women with endless spam cold approaches, but just enough new ones to keep a small harem and a healthy rotation.