10 Ways to Overcome Any Last Minute Resistance

an example and meme of last minute resistance in dating

Last-minute resistance can be the most frustrating stage of sexual escalation and seduction.

You spent time together, you’re finally alone with her, you’re getting horny… But dang!

You meet last minute resistances.

And now it’s either the final prize, or blue-balled frustration.

This article will teach you how to overcome last minute resistance, so that both of you can enjoy and consume the love.

Last Minute Resistance Definition

First off, let’s start with a definition:

Last-minute resistances (LMR) are tactics, strategies, or inborn and involuntary responses with which women delay or postpone sex once a man starts escalating towards sex.

And now, let’s learn why last minute resistance happens:

Why Do LMR Even Happen?

Why do LMR happen?

Test yourself, and pick what you think applies:

  1. She is shit-testing the man to assess his character and/or will
  2. He hasn’t timed his escalation well
  3. She might like him, but is not fully sold on taking it to the next level
  4. She is emotional or nervous
  5. She is making him wait to seem more “serious” and Madonna-like
  6. She still needs some more time and comfort before sex

If you answered “it can be all”, congratulations, you’re a high mating intelligence man.

Albeit LMR and sexual rejections can be a form of shit-test, that’s the least common scenario.
A woman who decides to be in a sex location with you has probably done most of her testing already -or, if she sees you as a really high-value man, she won’t need even need any testing at all-.

But overall, focus less on the “why” and more on the “how” -how to avoid LMR, and how to deal with LMR-.

LMR Power Dynamics

The sooner to sex, the better

Here’s the issue with LMR:

From a power dynamics perspective, last-minute resistance empowers the woman and disempowers the man.

Why?

Because the basic dynamics of lat minute resistances is that he’s chasing for sex, while she’s denying him.

He wants her, and fruitlessly expands efforts while failing to reach his goal -the definition of powerlessness-:

last minute resistance power dynamics chart

She, on the other hand, is the object of desire. Even if she agrees to sex later, she has been controlling the interaction, and its tempo.
And that gives her power.

At the extreme, men who aren’t good at understanding and controlling this dynamic, become puppets on a string -her string-.

Keep on jumping for mommy, dog, and she might release the treat.

And what’s the problem with that?

The problem is that women don’t like men who are “less” than they are (see “hypergamy“).
And especially not men who are less powerful than they are.

That’s why the rule of thumb is “sooner is better”.
Because the longer the last minute resistance, the more challenging it is for him to maintain control and power -and her attraction-.

Pursuing Sex Without Losing Power

Luckily, there are ways around the LMR power conundrum.

And there are even ways to deal with LMR while gaining power and attraction.

How?

This is how:

1. Prevent LMRs

Prevention is often better than cure.

See Sexual Escalation or, better yet, Seduction University for the details.

However, remember this:

Some LMR is fine.
The goal is to avoid endless and exaggerated last-minute resistances, but the goal is not to avoid LMR altogether, at all costs.
That’s because LMR are part and part of many women’s psychological makeup. Namely, the fear and nervousness around first-time sex with a new man.

2. “Tidal Escalation”: Slow But Steady (& Calibrate To Her Reactions)

It’s not my favorite style, but I recognize that it works great.

Especially if your game is more indirect and if you date lower dominance.

Last minute resistances can be an issue if:

  1. you escalate way too early
  2. you escalate way too slow
  3. you escalate foo forcefully (exceptions apply as per dominance article and example below)

So a good mindset is to be like a tidal wave: always forward, but never too fast.

Early pick-up artists also talked about “2 steps forward, 1 step back”, which is also a good rule of thumb.
That means that, generally speaking, you want to pull back before she resists and rejects you. But when you re-initiate, you want to go further than before.

Here are a few ways:

  • Increase touching, see how she reacts

Start first from lighter touching, including “accidental” touch.
Then leave your hand on her arm or back as you speak, and see how she reacts.

If she pulls away or is uncomfortable, bad sign.
If she appreciates, good sign.

Hand-holding is a bigger step, and a bigger risk, but if things are going well, go for it.
If you’re walking outside, here’s a pro tip: go for interlacing fingers. It’s more intimate, and a symbolic precursor to sexual union.

  • Take baby steps

The bigger the move, the bigger the effects of a rejection.

With baby steps, possible rejections won’t harm you nearly as much.

A guy I know has a shisha that he uses both as a lure to invite girls home, and as a prop to make his first move in baby steps.
He starts with blowing shisha smoke from mouth to mouth with his hand first, then removes the hand and goes for the mouth to mouth smoke, then makes out, and then takes it from there.

  • Make the move in safe environment

Sometimes the rejection is out of fear.

Some ways to prevent fear is to make the first move in safe places.
For example, if you got an elevator, lean in and kiss her neck in the elevator.

Her reaction also tells you a lot about where you stand, and helps you calibrate your next steps.
If she stands still, it’s a good sign. If she caresses your or gets closer, you can start escalating as soon as you’re home, no LMR.

If she resists a little bit, make her a bit comfortable before you start escalating for real.

And reframe unsafe to safe.
For example:

Her: If you keep pushing, I’ll scream / leave
You: Wow, wow, what are you saying, there is nothing to scream. You’re totally safe here. If there needs to be any screaming, I want you to do it for pleasure 

2.2. Kiss The Neck, Not The Mouth

The kiss on the mouth feels like a “big move”.

And that increases the chance of getting a first rejection, plus makes the rejection a big deal. Bad for power dynamics, and leads to more LMRs.

What to do, then?

Kiss her on the neck!
Feels like a “smaller” move, allows you to better gauge her reaction, and has higher chances of being accepted.

Also, if you’re moving quick and/or going for the lover strategy, you don’t need to kiss at all to get to sex.

At the time of writing the first draft of this guide, of the last 30 or women I’ve been with, we probably did not kiss 80% of the times.

3. Adopt A Win-Win Mindset

Some guys have this bad mindset:

I need to beat her LMR.

And when you have that mindset, what happens?
You’re in a competitive, “you VS her” mindset.

Competitive mindsets certainly spoil relationships, and often also spoil first-times to sex.

This is how collaborative approaches and mindsets look like:

  • “Deep down, we both want this”
  • “I like you and you like me, so we’ll play the game now, and eventually get there”
  • “We’re in it together, and you also must do your part to make it pleasant and seduce me”

The last one is my favorite mindset approach to LMR.
It’s a give-and-take approach, and very power-effective. It expects and assertively demands her to contribute, and if she doesn’t, it’s fair for you to end it.

3.2. Turn Competition into Cooperation

See “Seduction University“.

4. Make It A Great Time, Of Which Sex Is Just One Part

Couple on a date laughs and has a good time
Doesn’t look like the type of interaction that will have lots of LMR, right?

You get little LMR when sex is only one part of a bigger, pleasant interaction of two people who like each other.

Here’s an example of a pleasant, “more than just sex” interaction:

  1. She doesn’t want to move to the bed
  2. Instead of pushing, you say “have you ever tried shisha”?
  3. Pull the shisha out
  4. Smoke together, kiss her neck, make out a bit
  5. Pause a second, as if to savor the moment
  6. Slowly get up again, and move her to the bed
  7. On the bed, she doesn’t want to remove her pants
  8. You say “you know what’s funny?”
  9. Open a new topic (something personal, or with a sexual undertone)
  10. Talk a bit
  11. Slowly start dry humping
  12. Then go to remove the pants

Notice that after each rejection he goes back to the relationship level again and the “good time”.
That breaks the chasing/refusing pattern, so he’s not disempowered, but empowered by the good vibes.

5. Steal Her Frame: Say “No Sex” First

Women say this often:

Woman: we’re not going to have sex

It’s a tricky frame.
If you say you will have sex, it turns into “you want her, she rejects you”.
And if you say “true”, then you’re following and buying into her frame.

Conundrum!

A good solution is to prevent it.

How?

Simple:

You: we’re just going for a minute to show you the wine collection, I need to wake up early tomorrow

It’s a good move independently of LMR, just to take the pressure off on your invite home.
For example, I often add “yeah, it’s just right here, for 5 minutes”.

Or a bit cheesier:

You: (as you invite her home) But don’t make yourself any idea, we’re just hanging out

Not personally my style, but can work if your style is more humorous and teasing.

If you forgot to do steal her thunder or if it’s not your style, you can still turn it around if it crops up:

Her: We’re not having sex
You: Who said anything about sex, we’re just cuddling

5.2. Shush Her, Keep On Going

If you’re well on your way and she’s into it, the “we shouldn’t be doing this” is token resistance.

Shush her and keep going.

a picture guide on how to handle last minute resistance

Very seductively high power.

6. Take The Shortest Possible Road to Sex

A good chunk of LMR are about “removing clothes”.

But… Is it even necessary?

You don’t need to be fully naked to start having sex.

At the time of the first draft, my last two pulls home was a girl I met at a Meetup event, and a beautiful girl, black hair and blue whom I talked to for no more than 10 minutes at a mall and mate later that night (note: I started this article a year before I published as I sometimes take notes on future articles).

The first girl was still wearing her dress and panties when we started having sex.
The second was still wearing her dress, denim jacket, panties, shorts, and even her menstrual pad.
No kidding!

If I had to remove all those pieces of clothing before getting to it, not only it would have taken a very long time, but I doubt sex was even going to happen.

6.2. Finger Her (With Her Clothes On)

How did I get to it, instead?
I started fingering them first.

Once she’s wet and ready to go, it doesn’t matter what else she’s wearing.

7. Keep It Light & Seductive, Avoid Anger & Frustration

Some resistance whet the appetite

Casanova, History of My Life

What is it that screws a lot of guys over during LMR?

They get angry, frustrated, or borderline aggressive.

Frustration can sometimes be used as a tool to bridge to direct talk.
For example “I like you, but I truly don’t have time for all these games. If you like me too, now it’s time”.

Except for this “direct talk” approach, avoid showing anger and frustration.
anger screams “danger” to a woman.
And frustration is also an indicator of low-value as it shows you’re emotionally overreactive.

Let’s see how to avoid anger and frustration:

7.2. Cat & Mouse Mindset

Picture sexual escalation like a game of cat and mouse between you two.

And you’re both playing it.

That’s more of a seducer’s mindset.

7.3. Keep It Light & Fun

A favorite of mine.

This is so good that I almost didn’t wanna share it:

Me: (takes her hand, places it on his penis) do you think it’s too big?

This works in a number of ways: (sort of) light-heartedness, push-pull, sexually exciting her… And to positively change the frame.
The question changes the frame from “should we have sex” to “can you take it”.

You can turn it into recurring insider humor, asking later if she still thinks it’s too big or if it was OK.

7.4. Be Empathetic

In some cases, a woman can have real issues, reservations, or hang-ups about sex.

Failing to listen, empathize, and address them spoils the relationship and derails the seduction.

A good empathetic response is to say something along the lines of:

Her: Wait, this is too fast
You: OK, all good, we will go as fast as we are comfortable with

Say “we are” because it reinforces the collaborative and “us” frame, and it doesn’t sound like you’re waiting for her.

Note:
If you’re almost inside then you’re dealing with token resistances. Avoid taking her statements too literally.

7.5. Drop The “Must MIndset”

Who gets frustrated with LMRs?

It’s the guy who feels like he “has to” sleep with her.
The notch-collectors who need the validation, and those who desperately need her in their life.

Abundance mentality is a better approach.
Plus these mindsets to dating in general:

  • You only want a girlfriend if she’s a great woman plus a great fit for you
  • Dating for you is a way to assess women. LMRs are just another opportunity for assessing her

These mindsets are perfect for those who are dating more of a long-term goal.

8. Bull Approach: Blow Past Them

One video is worth a thousand words:

A BIG warning here: this is high rewards, but also high risk.
It requires high emotional intelligence to the lust behind the fear, plus still taking a big risk.

9. Mix Hard Escalation With Softness

A bit more advanced, but super powerful.

You want to mix “hard pushes” with sweeter, mellow, romantic, and even silly and fun moments.
This is great because it mixes sexually dominant behavior -which is attractive but at high risk of spoiling the relationship-, with a romantic and carefree vibe that takes the edge off.

See the effect on this message:

text of a man who's both a provider and lover
Caveman AND gentleman: that’s a powerful mix of the best of both worlds

10. Small Tips For Big Impact

See “Seduction University“.

Careful With These Common PUA Advice

Some advice to be wary of:

  • Getting undressed while she’s dressed

IF timely, IF she likes how you look and IF she’s a high sex-drive woman, it can be a good move.

Yet, getting naked while she’s still fully dressed looks “weird”, and sub-communicates you “don’t get it” (=socially clueless).
And from a power dynamics perspective, it frames you as the one who craves sex while she doesn’t.

So, yeah, no “naked man” move guys:

The naked man: the naked man is best used as a last resort, kind of a hail mary on a first mate when you know there isn’t gonna be a second one

  • Whipping your dick out

Great move, if it’s timely.

But if you do it too early, it can easily backfire.
The untimely “whip out” followed by a “whisk back” looks like exhibitionist flashing. And exhibitionism is anti-seductive.

It’s strategically much better to let her feel you from the pants, and pull out the guns when you’re ready to shoot.

  • Agreeing with her, but keeping with the escalation

It can work if she’s excited and/or you’re near the entry point.

Otherwise, if she’s not excited, you’re sexually escalating with a woman who’s not yet fully in the mood, while she’s also telling you to stop it.
So only keep this one for the last stages -or better yet, use the “shush and continue”.

  • Freezing her out

This is an old PUA technique.

The Game” and “Mystery Method” both included it, and it consists of stopping pursuing the woman when she deflects or stalls his advances.

This is an example:

Her: you’re so full of shit
Him: (start moving away from her) you’re right, I’m so full of shit (goes sit on the couch)

The idea behind the freeze-out is OK: you don’t want to keep over-chasing and reward with attention a woman who is spurning you.

But the way the freeze-out was espoused, including “getting up and checking your email”, was not optimal because:

1. It can break rapport and deplete a lot of social capital
2. It can start a vicious cycle of “who shows the least affection”. If the woman is high in power and not very invested, she’d rather lose you, than lose her face
3. Can signal low value: high-value, driven men wouldn’t dilly-dally with low-prio stuff when they could invite her out and take care of higher-prio stuff

Read more here.

“Micro-freeze outs” are better, for example removing your attention when she misbehaves -and that works beyond LMR-.

Surprisingly Great LMR Signs

Knowing how to read the social and power dynamics is crucial to handling LMR well.

And there are some clear behaviors during LMRs that signals that you’re dealing with token resistance, that the LMRs are about to end, or that she really just wants to be seduced.

Reading those signs allows you to calibrate your escalation, and to potentially think about the “bold move”, where you basically plow through it (again: high risk).

Some of those signs:

  • She starts acting silly

Many women who get nervous before sex can start acting “silly”, or talk nonsense.

Remember that sex can be a big deal for many women, so silliness is normal.

Several women I’ve dated around the world start speaking their local language even though they knew I couldn’t understand.

Usually, that’s a great sign: it’s pure emotions now, she’s not engaging her rational brain much, and she’s relinquishing leadership to you -people who want to maintain control don’t usually act silly-.

  • She asks to visit the bathroom

She decided that it’s going to happen, and wants to refresh herself.

What exactly most women do once in the bathroom is one of the last-standing great mysteries to me, and I want to keep it that way :).

Some women will also ask you to take a shower before sex -I’ll never forget the woman who brought along of intimate cleanser, and put some of it on “me”-.

  • She asks if you want to have sex with her

This one often stumps Western men.
Why so?
Because white women don’t usually approach intimacy with direct questions, and are more indirect and, often, more “gamey”.

However, when you get asked that, it’s often a good sign that you’re getting close.
Don’t be afraid of saying “yes”, but if you want to keep more power and be even more on the sife side, say something like this:

I had a good time with you, and I think we have a good chemistry together, so yes, intimacy is a natural next step.

“No Means… What”?

You know the mantra:

“no means no”.

We’re not going into that whole debate now as it’s all pointless and a waste of time.

Obviously, as we’ve seen, “no sometimes means no”, so you must pay attention to what she says, and take the whole exchange seriously.
And some other times a woman says “no” but is either open, willing, or even glad to be convinced or overcome.
And some other times, “no” is just token resistance and she’d be really disappointed if you take it at face value.

Telling apart which from which requires emotional intelligence -the mating intelligence subset-.
To improve that, start with basic emotional intelligence first, then social skills, power dynamics, and then check out Seduction University.

Processing...