Dominance, like leadership, is one of the most crucial elements for your dating success.
Research shows dominance for men is even more important than physical attractiveness.
With this article, you will learn 8 approaches to dominance to, well, dominate your way into dating success (and into women).
1. Master Social Dominance
One video is worth 1.000 words.
Take a look at this scene from Beautiful Girls—the interaction between Mo and the girl:
Common friend: and this is Mo
Her: Hi Mo
Mo: (looks down, smiles widely) hi
What do you think would be his chances of seducing her?
Close to zero.
Because, in that scene, she is the dominant one, and he is the submissive one.
And women don’t sleep with men who submit to them.
Women sleep with men who make them submit.
If the power dynamics of that scene were not immediately clear to you, have a look at these articles:
If you’re also physically stronger, more intelligent, and richer, it’s all great. But the most important trait is that you must be more dominant.
1.2. Apply And Withstand Others’ Social Pressure
Social pressure is an indicator of social dominance.
Usually, the person who puts social pressure on others is the most dominant one. And the one who acts -or cracks- under social pressure is the subordinate one.
And a man who puts a woman under pressure communicates he is in charge.
Look at this scene from the movie The Saint:
Him: (very intense) what do you love about it (frame control, tasks her, and puts pressure on her to give a thoughtful answer)
Her: (gives a thoughtful answer)
Him: (silence, social dominance, puts pressure on her to keep the conversation going)
Her: are you an artist?
Him: no, just a traveler (contradicts her, he’s not forcing any connection, he sub-communicates he doesn’t kiss up to her) searching for purity. What do you search for (assumes she’s searching for something)
Him: (full frontal, getting into physical dominance now) perhaps I’ll take you to mayhem, in Africa (walks towards her, physical and sexual dominance)
However, men must be careful with social pressure on first approaches and only use them strategically.
Some women can be overwhelmed by pressure and dominance on cold approaches and either exit or never follow up. If you are unsure, start the interaction with more friendliness and less dominance.
1.3. Win Power Showdowns
Power showdowns that can make or break a relationship.
Social power dynamics can be difficult to spot, and seemingly innocuous teasing can hide dominance tests and showdowns.
Imagine this dialogue:
Her: You’re so into yourself (with a haughty look, turning away as if to refuse him)
Him: Me? I’m so into myself? (turns to her, gets closer to her to her face, raises his voice but smiling: it’s a friendly counterattack) Look at you, with the slim fit biker leather jacket, (reaches out to her scarf) the Italian scarf, the coiffed hair (touches her hair). Yeah, nice try (pats her head, a “babying power move”)
Her: (lowers her eyes, smiles, she’s happy of the compliments… And for being socially out-powered)
That happened to me some time ago, and a little later we went back to my place.
I cannot re-run the interaction to test it, but I’m fairly confident this was the turning point on the way to bed.
2. Display Intellectual Dominance
Intellectual dominance is an underrated, yet crucial aspect of dominance.
But intellectual dominance is not so much about IQ or about “knowing more”, it’s more about frame control, defending or advancing your point of view, and, of course, changing her mind.
That’s true intellectual dominance.
3. Assert Physical & Sexual Dominance
Physical dominance is a poorly discussed and highly misunderstood topic.
Stirling Cooper’s sexual dominance escalation is a good course, but it focuses only on sexual escalation -just one tiny portion of it-.
Physical dominance instead refers to the whole spectrum of body movement and body contact.
It includes being comfortable with one’s own body, being comfortable with touching, taking up more space during and outside the date, etc. Etc.
Let’s see how physical dominance fits into seduction:
3.2. Token Resistance to Sex & Dominance
“Token resistance” is last-minute resistance to sex when she wants -or at least is open- to sex.
Sexual resistance serves as an important test of his emotional stability (see: sexual market value).
Some men can’t control themselves or get angry when a woman slows them down. Most women fear these men.
Experienced and emotionally stable men remain emotionally grounded and maintain a good mood throughout.
That’s why a man who handles her resistance well does not just get sex, but her heart as well.
3.3. Expressions of Sexual Dominance Escalation
These are some advanced moves that men can use during escalation:
- Hold her face if she refuses to kiss you until you can give at least a pecker (more advanced)
- Put her hands on your hard penis
- Kiss and grope her overcome by lust, then go back to normal
- Jokingly push her into a horizontal position
- Jokingly drag her towards the bed
- Pick her up to carry her to the bed
- Increase physical intensity to overcome resistance and remove one piece of clothing
- On the bed, pin her hands above her head while you kiss her bosom or remove an item of clothing (more advanced)
Good sexual dominance requires social intelligence. Understanding when it’s getting too much and when instead it’s safe to push.
All expressions of physical dominance must happen in an atmosphere of safety.
She must know and feel that it’s safe.
Here is how to do it well:
3.4. How to Escalate Dominantly, Within A Safe & Collaborative Frame
The best way of physically escalating to sex is to mix physical dominance with:
- Verbal banter / fun conversation
- Signals of kindness and caring
And, most of all:
- Collaborative frames
Yes, again, we go back to the basic strategies of power.
Did you read the article on lovers and providers?
Well, dominance plus kindness & collaborative frames give you the best of both worlds: the power of the lover, and the kindness of the provider.
See a real-life effect of combining power and warmth:
“Behind the thirst for sex, you’re a gentleman”. And that’s exactly the mix you want to go for: bold and resolute, while still being an overall gentleman.
As I escalate, this is what you can do to make sure she knows it’s all good:
- Take breaks in between bouts of escalation and lighten the mood (tease, talk, or tell stories about yourself)
- Take a break when you see it’s getting too uncomfortable for her (that’s why EI is so important)
- Stop for a second and with a serious tone say “hey, I want you to know that you are safe here”. Pause, and let it sink in.
- Switch from hard escalation to more cuddly and caring (ie.: kiss on the forehead, hug, light make out)
- Tell her “I like you” or make fun of yourself to take the edge off
- Reframe competition into cooperation (for example, if she says you’re being aggressive, say “nono, I’m very kind, I just want you to be happy”)
- Reframe dominance into a win-win: if she says you are making her feel bad, say “if you say that, you make me feel guilty. I want you to feel good” (and change your approach, you’re doing it wrong if you’re making her feel bad!)
If your native language is different than hers, speaking your native tongue is also a great way to lighten the mood.
Sometimes women want to do it but are still battling some mental blocks and need the man to take charge.
So you might tell her:
I am going to pin your hands down now and remove your panties (so that it’s not your fault)
If she says she wants to leave, you can say that she should stay because you’re having a good time.
Say that she can leave at any time, but that you would really like her to stay.
If she really wants to leave, needless to say, you let her go and escort her back.
For more on collaborative frames, see “enlightened collaboration“:
3.5. Don’t Let Women Take Physical Charge
It’s rarer, but women sometimes also engage in more purely physical strength games.
She might for example playfully wrestle him.
Or she might take charge of the escalation. For example, move him away from being on top and get herself on top.
Some less experienced men think that’s good because she is leading herself to sex.
But that’s rarely the case.
Women mostly lead to sex with men who played coy all along, but rarely with men who go from leading to leading.
Usually, men should not allow her to prove herself stronger or more strong-willed than he is.
So while you must be careful not to make it seem like you’re taking it too seriously, you also must avoid letting her physically dominate you.
I don’t know who started that “woman takes my hand thing”, but I can tell you this: he wasn’t any of the following: driven, powerful, or successful with women
Women Teasing For Your Sexual Domination: Example
Some women love a tease.
And they also use teasing to prod him into a sexual charge.
The tease is a fake refusal with the sub-communication that he should take charge, barrel through and dominate her.
If the man acts on those signals it often ends in lots of moaning and requests of f*cking her hard.
Here is a good example from Five Easy Pieces:
Her: I’d like you to leave, so I that can take a bath (coquettish attitude, puts perfume on)
Him: Shut up, pushes on the bed, escalates
She teases him by walking away -thus forcing him to follow-, then smiling at his outburst, and acting coquette.
She puts on perfume, whose main reason for existence is attracting mates while confronting him with a powerful gaze.
Also her words, “I’d like you to leave so I can take a bath” hint at the sexuality.
But note that when women tease men to dominate them, the power rests with the woman.
Or, at least, she feels in charge because she orchestrated the whole thing and he only acted on her cues.
For a man to gain power after the sex, he should act distant, let her come to him, and express more interest and emotional investment.
Otherwise, the power dynamics still see him as chasing sex and her deciding when to provoke him.
4. Play The “Predator Dominance”
Physical dominance is also conveyed without any touch at all.
The way you talk, walk, deal with people, and, of course, the way you look at her.
This picture is not the greatest gaze example in itself as I was drunk by then.
But compared to a company party where everyone faked toothy smiles and big grins, it stood out.
And notice her reaction:
This is similar to the excitement of what Adelyn Birch, curator of the website “Psychopaths and Love”, refers to as a “psychopath stare”.
Birch says that the “psychopath stare” is scary with strangers and outside of seduction but, in a relationship and in seductive environments, many women find it extremely arousing. (but no, psychopaths aren’t the apex of sexual success).
Another good example of the predatory-prey dynamic in The Goodfellas.
And yet a better one is in the movie “Seduced and Abandoned”.
Notice his stare and how she cowers in a corner (even though she likes him):
Her later feelings of guilt and shame are also realistic, and this is the risk of dominance without warmth: she can feel ashamed and cut contact with him (more than once I’ve never heard from a woman after dominant escalation and steamy sex).
5. Assert Sexual Dominance
Dominance leads to bed, but can also continue in bed.
Some people like to tell women to tell them they love their cock. I’m not a big fan of it, but if it’s your thing, it’s OK.
Just one rule: if you must be dominant, do it with full conviction.
Half-assing it is sure to backfire:
Him: (slaps her ass with no conviction)
Her: Did you just spank me?
5.2. Sexually Objectifying Women
Most women will vehemently deny this of course.
Many women enjoy being treated as sexual objects… At the right time and by the right man.
Being overcome by sexual urge, turning her around and bending her over a piece of furniture, or entering her as soon as she enters your place, for example, can all be fair.
Or waking up at night and starting fucking her.
Some women will become much more mellow and submissive after you dominantly penetrate them in one of the above ways.
This is a convo after that type of raw sexual aggression:
A wild sexual romp outside of a relationship is no guarantee of more to come.
Sometimes, it’s the opposite.
Emotions are fleeting, and the wilder they swing upwards, the more they’re liable to go in the opposite direction.
Case in point: this same lady who “felt unreal” came back to Berlin… And we didn’t even meet.
See “Seduction University” for bonding and turning sex into relationships.
Dominance and Pathology: A Warning
Dominance is dominance.
Per se, it’s not good or bad.
But it’s a huge red flag when men prioritize dominance as a way to control women.
And some women, including the many who asked us “how to find and date dominant men“, are more likely to fall for it.
Yes, we live in a world where evil does exist.
If you see these tendencies in yourself, it’s good if you stop and re-assess. You can’t change psychopathy, but you can become better in many ways.
If you see these tendencies in your partner, cut off contact.
And for a “psychopath game”, see “Seduction University“.
Is Learning Seduction Antisocial?
Sandra Brown, author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths” says that:
Any man looking into seduction advice is by its very nature high in psychopathy traits.
Shocker: I don’t fully disagree.
There are plenty of people who want to learn seduction -including dating coaches- who are high in dark triad traits (see Mystery or even Casanova).
But I also disagree, in large part.
Many individuals learn seduction because they are driven men and women, looking to do more, be more, and maximize their potential.
And that’s not psychopathic.
6. Giver Her Romantic Dominance
Surprised to read this one?
This might be the most bonding, best memory-making type of dominance you can ever have.
Many women remember the first kiss more than the first sexual encounter.
A well-executed “dominantly romantic move” is sure to make her swoon and leave an everlasting memory.
Taking her hand to walk on a beautiful bridge, stopping her to admire the view, and then passionately kissing her like there was no tomorrow is an example of romantic dominance.
See “Seduction University” for a video example.
Romantic dominance requires you to stay in the leadership role, and lead smoothly in and out of the romance. That makes the difference between memorable and corny.
7. Enter Relationships With Provider Dominance
A high level of providing is also an aspect of dominance.
Some authors mistake “providing” for less sexual, less dominant men (beta males).
This is a limited view because it focuses on average and below-average men instead of looking at the whole spectrum.
So let’s look at the whole spectrum and let’s take the two extremes to see the difference.
See “Seduction University” for more.
And of course:
8. Penetrate Her Mind With “Daddy Dominance”
A parental figure is the epitome of power.
The parental figure provides a feeling of protection and safety, including psychological well-being.
It would be a mistake to think that it’s just women with “father’s issue” who fall for it, or that it only happens with big age gaps.
Many women, and many men as well, are prone to be hooked by a parental figure.
(Example in Power University).
8.2. “You Lil’ Girl” Seduction Style
Many women enjoy being treated like “little girls” in the right place and by the right man.
James Bond in this scene has an attitude of “you lil’ girl”:
Bond: Dink, say goodbye to Felix
Bond: Man talk (turns her around and slaps her ass)
That slap communicates “now go you silly lil’ girl and let the men speak”
There are important caveats to using this style, as it’s only appropriate at the right time, at the right place, and from the right man.
More details in Seduction University.
But I recommend you use something similar to shit test women.
- Treat your girl silly and submissive, and see how she reacts
To date successfully, men must be more dominant than women.
There are many ways to convey power and dominance, and this article showed you 8 different ways to become more dominant and successful with women.
All these eight types of dominance can also be used in healthy and mutually beneficial ways.
This is a preview from “Seduction University“