Feeling invisible, rejected, or like dating is ‘rigged’ against you?

If you’ve been pulled into black-pill or incel spaces, it can feel like women only want the top 1% of men with height, looks, status, and money, while the rest should just accept their fate.

I know that mindset.
And I also know it’s false.

This article is for men seeking an incel exit—a path to escape the black pill, clearly showing you that it’s possible, and providing you with strategies along the way.

Let’s dive in.

Intro: I Should Have Been An Incel

My name is Lucio Buffalmano, founder of The Power Moves.

By mainstream dating standards, I should have been ‘involuntarily celibate’ myself.

I’m short, bald, and not stereotypically masculine.
I come from the middle of nowhere and wasn’t blessed with an early start either: I’m a late bloomer.

The red and black pill as well as the loxxmaxxer crowds would have labeled me as doomed to involuntary celibacy.

Instead, I dated like a top-1% man.

I’m actually above top-1% in lifetime partners. And I largely maintained high standards.
I only approach women I truly like, and you’d classify almost all the women I dated from ‘cute’ upward. Several were very attractive and/or high-quality women that many men would wish to marry.

If I can do it, you can!

I write this post because few coaches are true underdogs.
They may not understand the average and below-average guy’s struggles, and many men may not relate to them.

Instead, my background can provide the ultimate proof that if I can do it, you can do it.
If you want, you can escape the black pill, and you can escape involuntary celibacy.

And no, you don’t even need anything crazy.
I worked hard, took countless shots, and also failed a ton. But I was a player. If your goal is to simply have a good woman, you only need some smart work.

Mindset:

If one guy who is no better than me can do 100, you can sure as f*ck do 10

🦅 Empowered man’s mindset

Black Pill Lie #1: Height decides everything

You’ve seen the videos where girls reject guys for being short.
Short guys watch and give up.

That’s the whole problem: those clips show first reactions, not long-term results.

First reactions don’t predict long-term attraction. Personality and behavior predict long-term attraction, not looks.
If anything, great looks with poor mindsets and behavior only predict a downward slope. You start high, but lose attraction and respect.

🙋🏼‍♂️ Proof

An ex of mine, a visibly taller woman, literally told me I ‘didn’t even exist’ for her at first.
Worse yet, she added that for her, ‘it was like I didn’t even have legs’.

Up until here, just as predicted: a considerably shorter guy isn’t even on the radar of an attractive woman.
Now, flash forward a year later, after we ended up together and then broken up. And I’m getting crying calls for another shot at being together.

No pride in that: there is nothing ‘good’ about causing grief. But it’s the proof that attraction can grow. It’s not fixed.

Club Queen With Shortest Guy

And you’re also not ‘condemned’ to long-term dating if it’s not your thing.

I once pulled a club queen from one of the largest clubs in central Prague. She was on a league of her own that night, and also compared to other nights.

When I walked towards her, two friends of hers came to cockblock me. They were both a head taller, but I didn’t let them intimidate me. Instead, I showed resolve. She came to shush her protectors, and guess what? I ended up with that girl.

I was one of the shortest guys in that club, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was the shortest.
Think about that: the shortest guy, ends up with the club queen. Without status, VIP table, throwing money around, or even having any cool friends there.

How To Beat Short Stature

• Focus on mental empowerment: can-do attitude, confidence, pride. Self-esteem is foundational to all and predicts mating opportunities (Sprecher et al., 2008)
• Focus on behavior that sub-communicates value, confidence, and power
  • Good body language: walk with confidence, masculine body language, etc.
  • High power behavior, interpersonal dominance, assertiveness, boundaries, etc.
  • ‘Game’: as in ‘dating skills’, largely based on power dynamics awareness

And of course, colors that elongate and boots that add a few centimeters also help.

Black Pill Lie #2: Looks are everything

Yes, good looks help a lot: they get attention and facilitate relationship initiation for both short and long-term.
But even here, both exceptions and nuances exist:

• Looks matter less for men, compared to women (Kniffin and Wilson, 2004)
• Individual variance is high: looks are also cultural, matter more in individualistic societies, and there is plenty of individual variance (Mogilski and Shackelford, 2023)
• Confidence and attractive nonverbals are also attractive
  • Some studies show dominance > looks, especially for short-term (Sacco et al., 2022, Bryan et al., 2011)

🙋🏼‍♂️ Proof

I’m short, bald… And I still get plenty of eye contact.

This year I was walking toward a girl, and she stared so long at me that she tripped.

Sounds Hollywood-like, I know, but it happened. That’s not genetic. I dressed well, walked like I owned it, and thought highly of myself. That’s mental empowerment feeding into behavior.

P.S.: Smart men can find ways
This was in Europe, by the way.
I don’t even consider some world regions where I also got approached or asked for pictures several times. Smart men can also move to strategically increase their mate value with various ‘SMV hacks‘.

How To Beat Looks

• Focus on mental and social power, just like for height
• Quit comparing: of course model-looking men are more likely to get initial attention. Great for them! But it has nothing to do with you.
• Do more social circles: studies show that the longer one is acquainted, the more couples differ in attractiveness (ie.: looks matter less)
• Focus on life success

And of course, the biggest nuke:

• Forget looks, focus on her: you’d be astonished at how many attractive women don’t care so much about the man’s looks

Black Pill Lie #3: High-status men get all the women

This is based on female hypergamy, or the tendency of women to prefer men of higher social class, or greater wealth.

As usual, both red pill and black pill take a general truth to untruthful conclusions, forgetting shades of grey, exceptions, and subjective and contextual elements.
For example:

• Wealth matters less in modern societies of distributed wealth (Sacco et al., 2022), where romantic love matters more
• Monogamy dampens hypergamy since most men get a woman
• Status matters less for short-term dating since it’s related to provisioning (Buss, 2016)

In general, for most dating scenarios, social status helps, but only within that specific social circle.

🙋🏼‍♂️ Proof

At my former company’s party my +1 night was, for many men’s tastes, the most attractive woman.

At that time, I was a trainee in that company, making me one of the lowest-status men.

A low-status man, with the most attractive woman.
How did that work?
Because I met her with cold approach.

Cold approach bypasses status because it’s inherently 1:1 and outside of group dynamics. This is an opportunity that our ancestors rarely had. But you do.

P.S.:
I’m also introverted, not very social, and I also wasn’t high status in society at large. As a southern European, you’re almost preframed as slightly ‘below’ the northern guys. Still, status didn’t stop us.

How To Beat Status

• Cold approach, and learn how to approach a girl
• Enter new circles, and status resets every time you enter a new circle
• Learn how to gain status in new circles, see here

For more on cold approach see:

Black Pill Lie #4: Strength & muscles are necessary for carnal attraction

The meme ‘do you even lift bro’ suggests getting strong is foundational to men’s life and dating success.

The red pill focuses heavily on physical dominance, sculpted bodies, and weight training.

The message is that ‘women’s true desire’ is based on strong male bodies.
And strength certainly won’t harm you, and may even help a bit. Physical formidability also certainly helps.

But as long as you stay lean, the link between strength and attraction is weak.

🙋🏼‍♂️ Proof

During most of my dating, I had never set foot into a gym.

I didn’t get into the gym until my late thirties, when I slowed down with dating.
To me, the gym was the place you go instead of meeting women.

Zero weight training didn’t prevent several women from being attracted to me—and yes, several also to my body.
Based on experience, I believe today that many women see an idealized body of the man they fell for. I had women take pictures of me while sleeping, or send me pictures of more muscular men’s drawings that ‘reminded them of me’.

The Woman Who Only Wanted Sex

I dated a blonde who showed up in a fur coat, and nothing under it.

No words spoken. She just dropped the coat, came, and then went out with her friend (who was waiting for her in the car parked downstairs).

That’s as raw sexuality as it gets.
And it was based on sexual skills, not lifting skills. Good lovemaking requires little muscle. (And most relevant life goals also require little muscle).

How To Beat Gym Muscles

• Exercise to stay healthy. Lean is the goal, and muscle is a plus. Definition helps. No need for ‘bulking’
• Be a good lover. Getting good at making love is more fun and higher leverage than getting good at lifting

Black Pill Lie #5: 6-feet, 6-pack, 6-figures monopolizes women’s choice

This red pill mantra states that women’s choices come down to height, great physique, and income.

It’s obviously true that height, a good physique, and high income boost a man’s value.
What’s a lie is that they’re necessary or almost necessary. In truth, none of those sixes are necessary for women’s choice.

This red pill mantra, again, over-generalizes and confuses women’s stated preferences for real-world results. And, as always, it doesn’t consider the many exceptions.

🙋🏼‍♂️ Proof

I had a fling during my travels.
She was a designer and artistic type. We met as winter approached and had great chemistry.

We cooked together, had wine, made love, and listened to David Bowie while eating half-naked (not a chance pick by the way: higher odds of appealing to her artistic side).

On my last day, she asked me to remove my cover and climax inside. This wasn’t a baby-trap move: she didn’t even know my full name.
That was a carnal desire to have my child. And from a guy leaving, no support and provisioning: that is peak mate choice.

So here’s what doesn’t need sixes: good seduction.

And in case you’re wondering: no, it wasn’t a poor country, and it wasn’t a country prizing white skin: I don’t even take those into account. And, yes, it was a cute 20-something with a great body.
Good seduction doesn’t need any sixes.

P.S.:
I was offered money and free accommodation to help a woman conceive (not in her prime though).
And several women I dated wanted or fantasized about children. When I asked one why she wanted a boy, she said that all women want a boy to resemble the man they admire.

How To Beat The 666 Rule

All that we previously said, plus:

• Learn how to romance and seduce
• Take your shots: finding a woman with whom you have chemistry is a numbers game

Start Now

This post may sound ‘motivational’, but it’s not.
We don’t do motivation here, we do empowerment.

And we prefer realism over motivation.
Looks, height, money, status… They are all important.
What we’re saying is that they’re not the end-all-be-all for smart, ambitious, and strategic men.

It also doesn’t mean it’s easy.
And it doesn’t mean everyone reading here will be successful.
Succeeding as an underdog almost by definition means being exceptional, rather than the norm.

What we’re saying is that it’s doable.
Anyone can become more attractive and almost anyone reading here can find a woman.

The keys are:

• Take more chances
• Maximize what you have
• Offset what you don’t have

Start your self-development journey, and you’ll become a higher-value guy.
Check out this primer on self-empowerment:

Practical steps to escape the Black Pill

Here is the beginner’s starter pack to exit the incel life:

1. Mindset

• Address depression first, if present. Consider a therapist
• Embrace healthy nihilism. So what if right now you’re an incel? An incel and a chad are both going back to dust before you realize it
• Embrace the ‘non-fairness’ of the world. There is nothing bad with it, it’s just how it is
• Stop the fatalism, adopt an internal locus of control
  • Introduce hope & optimism, focus on exceptions and success stories like this one. If religious, even praying can help

2. Basics of Self-Development

• Quit negative habits like doom scrolling, excessive porn, or smoking
• Develop better habits, like running, gym, meditation, work
• Start small and aim for progress, not perfection

Focus on the areas of highest impact, nothing crazy is needed
No need to become a lunatic biohacker with red lights on his package while needling himself to measure ketones

3. Appearance & presence

• Dress well
• Maximize your presence, from the basics of grooming to hairstyle, tailored clothes etc. etc.
• Practice posture and body language

4. Social skills & approach

• Enter new groups, practice being social, gaining status, and meeting women and guys alike
• Cold approach is a high-leverage skill for low-status men. Practice short opens: one minute, no expectations.
• Learn to lead conversation: ask fewer questions, make more statements that demonstrate value

5. Sexual/romantic skill

• Lead more: choose location, suggest plans, invite her back
• Positive dating dominance: tell her to sit beside you, and don’t be afraid to call out inconsistencies. See here
• Build sexual tension gradually with touch or teasing

Later on you can graduate to more advanced frame control, sexual tension without touch, or proper seduction and making women fall in love.

FAQ

Next Steps: From Basics to Mastery

If you’re in a dark place, start with mental health first.
Then, simple actions.

Once you remove bad habits, you may be ready for the next step: mental and social empowerment. That’s where the steepest climb begins.

It’s the focus of our mission and flagship course Power University.

It’s the complete, step-by-step framework that shows you exactly how to cultivate the confidence, game, and positive dominance that makes you the exception, not the rule: