I write this article on the psychology of womanizers, leveraging both research and personal experience.
We leverage the largest collection of scientific handbooks on psychology here at The Power Moves, and I have a history as a player: the perfect combination to write this article.
By the end of this article, you will understand the psychology of players, what types of players are out there, and what drives and motivates them.
Overview: Players’ Psychology
Humans adopt two macro mating strategies:
- Player strategy: Find (easy) women to have sex with, and move on (short-term, uncommitted)
- Relationship strategy: Get serious with a quality woman, invest, sire children with her, and provide (long-term, committed)
It’s shades of players
Both tendencies, in varying amounts, are present in all men (and women).
Evolutionary psychology indeed suggests that humans have a history of ‘non-full monogamy’.
Meaning: the tendency for pair bonding is a human universal. But so is a history—and a wandering eye—for straying.
The player/relationship type is a continuum and few, if any, are 100% either of them.
There is often some element of both in the same man, but many men lean (far) more on the right or (far) more on the left (Figueredo, 2022).
And the two archetypes come with different psychologies and preferences:
- Relationship guys place a higher value on non-physical attributes that players do (e.g.: personality, intelligence, see Regan, 2000)
- Players tend to prefer youth and looks
For a more in-depth analysis and examples, see:
The “player psychology” includes:
Trait 1: Avoidant Attachment Style
The avoidant attachment style is uncomfortable with emotional intimacy.
That allows the player to remain at a safe distance, and ready to move on.
Quoting from The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology:
Attachment avoidance is assumed to refect a relationship commitment minimization strategy (Del Giudice, 2019; Karantzas et al. , 2019), in which parental investment is traded off against reproductive investment (…) (Szepsenwol & Simpson, 2019).
(…) aligns with a fast life strategy and short-term mating strategies (…)
Trait 2: Dark Triad Traits
The dark triad constellation includes Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy.
Players tend to exhibit higher dark-triad traits (Lyons, 2019).
Narcissists are the most successful dark triads daters (Rauthmann and Kolar, 2013) and, speculatively, agreeable Machiavellians (Alexander, 2024)
Trait 3: Unrestricted Sociosexual Orientation
Unrestricted social sexual orientation, or “more inclined towards casual sex”, is the defining trait of the player type.
Recent research showed that restricted and unrestricted orientations are related but can also move independently.
That means that usually people lean one way or another. But it’s possible to be high in desire for casual sex while still desiring a committed relationship.
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience:
I loved most the initial phases of seduction and infatuation. My initial desire and enjoyment of the relationship plummuted while my desire for freedom came back with a vengeance.
Visual Fixation to Attractive Others
Committed men avert their gaze faster when they’re in a relationship.
Men with higher sociosexuality stare more.
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: I’ve always been drawn to attractive women, and noticeably more than most peers
Trait 4: Higher Testosterone
High testosterone is associated with higher mating effort, and potentially rockier relationships.
Edelstain summarizes his research on testosterone and relationship quality saying:
high testosterone may be incompatible with the maintenance of nurturant relationships
Trait 5: Risk-Taking Behavior
Including more frowned-upon dating approaches with frequent cold approaches, mate poaching, and ‘rotations of partners’.
And, potentially, sexual risk-taking, with unprotected sex (Seal, D. W., & Agostinelli, G. 1994).
More to Be Researched
I suspect more will be discovered by future research, including:
- Less jealousy & controlling behavior, both pertaining to relationship and commitment types.
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: I had low jealousy and even lower ‘control motivation’ in my relationships. I was more often freely offered faithfulness - Less heartbreak, quicker rebounding, and sometimes happy at the breakup
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: My first breakup was half painful, and half celebration. The successive ones, I felt worse for her, than for me - Dominance motivation, including seduction as a game of increasing influence
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: My biggest heartbreaks are not relationships, but failed seductions that I believed were meant to happen - Faster infatuation but lower long-term companion love and lower relationship satisfaction
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: I sometimes even idealized during the infatuation stage, only to swing in the opposite direction afterward - Stronger post-nut clarity, which for players may include a stronger loss of interest
- Coolidge effect, or decreasing sexual interest for the same partner, stronger for players
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience: intimacy was fireworks with high sex drive women, but that could become an issue over time as women’s drive was stable or increasing, while I lost interest
Hypothesized sexual interest over repeated copulations for women, increasing with intimacy; most men, decreasing slowly; and high sociosexual orientation men (player types), starting highest but collapsing fastest. Chart and concept by Lucio Buffalmano.
For now, this is enough to show that player types have a different psychology than relationship-type men.
With that being said, let’s now explore the archetypes of players:
Types of Players
#1. Slaves to Love Womanizer
I have loved women even to madness..
I love that quote from the most famous womanizer of all.
Giacomo Casanova epitomizes the type of player with a boundless love for women.
It’s not true that all players are manipulative and deceptive, or that they only play games with women, and it’s also not true that all players “only want to fu*k”.
Casanova-type of players will truly love you.
And love you deeply and passionately. But the problem for some of those women is that “women” is plural. Indeed the next part of Casanovas’s quote is
“.. But I loved freedom above all”.
Casanova types of lovers will remember you forever, think of you fondly, or even get heartbroken when they depart… But they do depart.
These types of players love the feeling of romance.
And the goodbye is often part of the romance. There is a bitter-sweet, poetic touch in goodbyes.
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s experience:
Some of my favorite moments of a sexual encounter are walking her back.
And some of my sweetest memories are farewells to lovers.
The Casanova type of player is the most likely to break hearts.
He enters into your life with a whirlwind of romance and passion, something you’ve probably never experienced before.
And it will be amazing… Until he needs to go for another romance.
Do They Stop?
Rarely.
This is the archetype of the “ever-moving womanizer”.
They will always keep an eye open for other women.
#2. The Artistic-Soul Womanizer
Life is short, might as well enjoy it
The artistic seducer loves art and beauty—of which women are an expression.
Artists have a touch of madness that hinders long-term pair bonds and facilitates short-term ones—a link also found in research:
creativity could implicate being relatively detached from relationships because of creativity’s association with subclinical levels of schizotypal traits, associated with a disinterest in long-term pair-bonds
Brown in Cambridge Handbook of Sexual Psychology
Artists can pull women into dysfunctional on-off relationships of rescuer and troublemaker, while some women also get ot live the fantasy of being a muse.
This is an interesting example of ‘inverted polarity’ seduction: a boy at the mercy of his emotions forces her to use her love to be a healing/mother figure for him.
Some, like Pablo Picasso, have an ugly mean streak. That too, unfortunately, can be a potent seductive trait, especially for women with masochistic tendencies.
Milder artists are brooding, slightly depressed, and can evoke women’s maternal instincts.
Think of Kurt Cobain in “Nevermind” unplugged, lost in his music, and with a touch of lonesome sadness.
Some are more direct and active, though.
This is an example from the movie “Vicky Christina Barcelona”:
Do They Stop?
They might, but that might also mean that as they get tamed, they also lose their best artistic talent.
🙋🏼♂️ Lucio’s note:
Deep down I always looked down on this player type as a L, and too feminine.
And the dark narcissist ones like Picasso disgust me.
#3. Opportunistic Womanizer
I’m popular, might as well take advantage of it..
Remember we said there is a player in most men?
Well, that’s what gets awakened when opportunity meets dormant evolutionary tendencies.
Opportunity players are not truly players at heart.
They’re just passive recipients of the fruits of success and fame.
Some men in college -at least the attractive ones- are opportunity players thanks to the hookup culture.
#3.2. Predatory Opportunists
These bottom-feeding players abuse their position of power to get sex in exchange for preferential treatment.
Weinstein was such an example.
A true shame for the category.
Do They Stop?
Once they get their fill, opportunities dwindle, or they crave a family life, they stop.
Just make sure they’ve had enough playing time though, and if you can somewhat restrict their options, that won’t hurt either.
#4. Infatuation Womanizer
Short bursts of relationships
These guys are not notch collectors, but more relationship guys.
We could even argue if they are real players since they tend to stick with one girl.. At least as long as they’re together.
And that’s the whole point.
These men are enamored with the infatuation phase, lasting at most for two years.
After that, they’re on to the next relationship.
Example?
George Clooney.
Do They Stop?
Yes, they can stop.
It will take an amazing woman, as Clooney said… And some years of playtime.
Then, after they’ve strung a few, they will be looking for a high-quality partner for the long haul.
#5. Charmer Womanizer
What’s Life Without a Flirt
Some players enjoy the social power of their charm almost as much as they enjoy women.
They are indeed social charmers, as Greene called them, and see women as one of the pleasures of life.
Jack Nicholson is a good example:
Notice how he relishes his power over her, and see how affable he is with the interviewer.
Do They Stop?
Many of these individuals form families, but some struggle to adapt to a committed life.
They keep paying flirty compliments to the waitress and throwing sensual smirks at the clerks. Maybe with their wives on their side.
Quite disrespectful and childish, we could argue.
#6. Bigger Pursuit Womanizer
A pleasurable break from my other pursuit
This is the James Bond type of player.
But, as much as they might seem on the opposite spectrum to the superficial observer, also Einstein-types.
This type of player likes women, but he has bigger goals and drives in his life and can’t commit.
While Casanova lives for women and romance and falls in love passionately, James Bond has a bigger loyalty to his mission.
Which is also part of his allure.
See an example from James Bond, when his bigger pursuit came up:
P.S.: all players will enjoy the line “I’ll be back”. Players like players’ characters.
Do They Stop?
Yes, they can stop.
That happens when their main hustle becomes not so important anymore. It shouldn’t just be their main hustle that ends though, but their drive behind the hustle as well, or they might look into something else.
This might happen if they:
- Achieve their goal
- Reach a comfortable enough position they’re happy with
- Change mindset
- At a certain age, the urge for family gets bigger than their goal
- The woman becomes part of the hustle (ie.: business partner)
#7. Validation-Seeking Womanizer
The validation of collecting notches props up an individual’s own self-esteem and grandiosity, and social status.
Example of a text I received with a humblebrag:
Him: I gotta go underground, I keep getting caught (attaches a snapshot of a woman saying they saw him with other women)
Me: (validates him, then attaches his own screenshot to vibe)
These types of players seek women for secondary emotional benefits—conquest, self-esteem, bragging, etc.
So they brag about it.
Lucio’s experience:
Conquest was also a major driver of mine.
Separating after a ‘conquest’ indulged my avoidant personality with ‘me time’ to bask in the ‘glory of victory’.
Turning a stranger into a lover in a matter of hours also boosted confidence.
Do They Stop?
Yes.
Some slow down once they mature, and some slow down after they reach ‘their number’.
#8. Addicts Womanizer
Sex addicts need women to appease their urges, whether they seduce them or pay them.
But this category also often mixes sex addicts with substance addicts, making for very low-quality partners.
Charlie Sheen, who allegedly spent millions hiring prostitutes, is an example.
Do They Stop?
Yes, once they get clean.
When that happens, the woman can provide the stability they need to kick the drugs for good.
If that’s the case, he will always come back to you because he needs you as his anchor.
These relationships are perfect for alpha-females who lead and keep them in check.
It becomes a co-dependent relationship, albeit the “healthy” type of co-dependent.
Be careful if they relapse, though: it’s a slippery slope and you don’t want to be dragged down.
#9. Predatory Womanizers
Predatory womanizers make women worse off.
In general, the harsh truth is that short-term and uncommitted dating is less cooperative than long-term monogamy.
As Condolin explains, monogamy aligns interests and promotes cooperation between the sexes.
By contrast, and sometimes unwittingly, the uncommitted player pursues a ‘quantity of offspring’ strategy that leaves women without a provider.
This approach is inherently more fraught with opportunities for conflict.
The difference is that an honorable man with morals will be upfront, won’t lead her on, and will do his best to keep it win-win (a ‘high quality man‘ who happens to be a player)
But predators have no morals.
Psychopathic predators sit at the antagonistic extreme because not only do they lack morals, but they may actively seek to harm their partners.
Predators are getting more common.
As women empower themselves, they also become more and more targets for their assets (Hare, 1993)
The lazier ones become fully dependent on her, which in the long run often turns her off.
Example:
Him: (gains emotional leverage over her, then chills when she is hooked)
There are slightly different kinds of predatory players:
- Power-hungry (seeks control)
- Gold-diggers (seeks money)
- Narcissist (seeks status via a trophy partner)
Of course, there is often a comorbidity of traits and they overlap.
These are the worst types of players: read the signs and avoid them at all costs.
And for a VERY sobering read, check this:
Womanizers Summary
“Womanizer” is the end result of chasing and/or sleeping with lots of women.
But the deeper causes of what brings a man to be a womanizer differ, and they make all the difference in the makeup of that man’s personality and overall value.
This article helped you better understand who womanizers are.
And you can practically apply this knowledge to become a better dater, too.
Also, read:
- Types of male seducers: if you’re a man looking for information on how to present yourself, this is your article
- 7 signs of a fuckboy
- How to spot a player
