There are countless books and courses, not to count articles all over the net, teaching men how to get women.
Few of those articles and products are based on solid science though, which can create some confusion.
This article is based on proven male dating strategies that have been studied and measured.
We divide each strategy into 4 components:
- Manipulative Version: how it can be used to manipulate women
- Competition-Busting Version: how you can use the strategy against the competition (“derogate”)
- Effectiveness: how effective the mating strategy actually is
So let’s start:
- 1. Acquire & Display Resources
- 2. Acquire & Display Status & Power
- 3. Display (or Feign) Commitment
- 4. Display Physical Prowess With Sport Success
- 4.2. Display Sexual Prowess
- 5. Display Self-Confidence & Bravado
- 5.2. Asshole Dating Strategy
- 6. Display Indicators of Intelligence (Game)
- 7. Become Famous (Social Proof)
- Maximizing Your Dating Success
1. Acquire & Display Resources
One of the most widespread ones.
Driving expensive cars, buying expensive watches, and wearing a suit are only some of the countless ways men seek to communicate their status and resources.
Business is built around competition for resources.
Every time you go to work, you go to acquire resources.
And every time you seek to make more money, you are competing for resources.
Men also try to derogate other men’s resources by implying they “got lucky” or “they cheated”.
When men say other men cheated or got lucky they try to undermine the link between their results (the resources they acquired) and their genes.
If they cheated or got lucky, it means they couldn’t replicate the results, don’t have the traits necessary to acquire resources, and thus are not going to make good children.
Derogating other men for their availability of resources can be effective in long-term dating, but it’s relatively ineffective in short-term dating.
Yes, resources afford lots of dating power to men.
Steven Pinker says that one of the best predictors of the wife’s attractiveness is the husband’s income.
Countless studies now show the importance of resources for mating.
Resources are more effective for long-term mating, but they can also help for short-term mating.
And you can also see it in Buss’ research.
Women do value resources more for the long term, but also show a strong appreciation for resources in short-term mating:
How men use resources can also influence dating, both in the long and short-term.
You can see from Buss & Schmitt research, where “stingy” is a bigger turnoff for women in short term dating than longer-term dating:
Why would even care about resources for short-term mating?
Well, think about how a taste for resources could have evolved for short-term dating only: even if only a few women managed to “lock down” a man with lots of resources, it could have made sense for women to develop a preference for casual sex with wealthy men instead of poor ones.
Conspicuous Consumption: Throw Money Around to Sleep Around
We mentioned resources can help in short-term mating as well.
Resources are particularly effective in short-term mating when they are so abundant that the man spends like he couldn’t care less..
That’s called “conspicuous consumption” (Thorsten Veblen, 1899), and refers to the flashy display of a vast amount of resources.
Research shows that conspicuous consumption works for short-term, but not long-term.
Possibly women know that conspicuous consumers are mostly interested in casual sex and are not easy to tie down.
Most Men Use Resources Together With Commitment And Support
Most men though don’t have a vast amount of resources.
And that’s why most men use resources for long-term mating, promising to make those resources available to a single woman, together with their devotion and support.
Enter, commitment (third item on this list).
2. Acquire & Display Status & Power
Power and status overlap with resources, but are not exactly the same.
Robert Wright suggests that since our ancestors could not hoard resources, women might be more viscerally attracted to power than to resources.
Buss suggests the opposite, with power being an indicator of resources.
But for our purposes, it doesn’t matter which came first. And plenty of research shows that women prefer high-status men, both in questionnaire research, and in real-world experiments (Gueguen, 2012).
It can be effective in darker ways, too.
Weinstein is an example of using power as an exchange of “opportunities for sex”.
But of course, it doesn’t have to be abusive.
And most of the times, it’s not.
We hear about the cases of “abuses of power”, but we don’t hear about the countless cases where women are more than happy to sleep with a powerful man.
In my working career, I’ve witnessed more than one example of willing attractive women sleeping with corporate high-flyers.
3. Display (or Feign) Commitment
Men demonstrate their willingness to commit in a litany of ways:
- Displaying empathy and understanding (ranked #1 for long-term dating)
- Displaying fidelity (ranked #2 for long-term dating)
- Honest & openness
- Acting truthful
- Communicating feelings to her directly and openly
- “Being oneself”
- Displays of kindness
- Displays of love towards children (La Cerra, 1995) or pets (Tiefferet et. al., 2013)
- Signals that he’s willing to help around the house (Bleske-Rechek, 2006)
- Professing love
- Discussing future plans
- Showing concern for her problems
- Helping her out
- Spending lots of time with her
- Persistence in courtship
- Any signal that says “I am willing to channel resources, time, and effort over the long run”
Men offer commitment in exchange for exclusive sexual access to her reproductive system.
The unwritten exchange is: “I will provide for you and the children, and you only sleep with me”.
Women are naturally attuned to paying attention to his level of investment and commitment.
And they’re very attuned to spot changes over time, because the longer the positive signals last, the more difficult it is to fake.
However, that doesn’t mean that some men aren’t willing to fake over a period of time.
And indeed, many men do fake commitment to gain sexual access to a woman, only to “ghost” her after sex.
Or, even worse for her, after she has given birth.
Feigning commitment for sexual access is most widespread in cultures where casual sex is rarer and long-term dating is the norm.
Because in more conservative cultures and environments women deny casual sex to most men, so men are “forced” into either committing… Or faking commitment.
That’s why in my experience I’ve seen the “feign commitment” more often from Asian men than European men: European women are more open to casual sex, and men have less of a need to feign commitment.
Fake Honesty & Vulnerability To Display High Value
Some of the most advanced players can use “fake vulnerability and honesty” strategically.
For example, he can talk about a past of gallivanting and womanizing.
That sounds like honest disclosure and “coming clean” while it actually positions him as a high sexual market value player (low SMV guys don’t get lots of sex).
As they share the story, they leave the door open to the possibility of commitment now that they’re finally maturing.
And that’s the woman’s dream: a high SMV man, a bit of a rascal, who now might stop just for her.
If they do it well, the woman will want to rush towards that possibility.
Denigrating a man’s willingness to invest over the long-term is effective to attack a rival for long-term dating (Buss & Schmitt, 1996).
In Buss’ research, disclosing that a man has a serious girlfriend was ranked as the most effective tactic to make a rival less attractive to women (Buss, 2016).
I doubt it’s very effective to denigrate men pursuing casual sex, though.
In my experience, the allure of the “player” can be very attractive for short-term sex.
NOT if it comes before sex and in libertine cultures.
In very conservative ones it can work even early on.
But in libertine cultures only go for it if you want long-term dating, after you’ve been intimate, and ideally after she’s already shown plenty that she likes you and wants you.
Then commitment makes a long-term relationship both more likely and more solid.
For most men, commitment is a basic requirement that women demand to enter a relationship.
Few men, either very attractive (high in fitness) or very wealthy (high in resources) can do without commitment and still get sex.
This is what women rank the highest as indicators of commitment:
From the chart above, notice the potential bombshell that is the “he told her he didn’t like one-night stands because he liked relationships that lasted”.
There is a lot of potentials there for getting her to fantasize about a relationship with him.
Honest communication Effectiveness
Honest communication and displays of vulnerability can be attractive to women as they suggest the man is “being himself” and “honestly opening up” to her.
That’s why I recommend men to listen more than they talk, but also to open up (strategically) during conversations. Mutual “opening up” contributes to a whirlwind romance that truly sweeps her off her feet (and that leads to physical “opening up” later).
Love & Devotion for LMR
Finally, professing love and devotion can also be used by more unscrupulous men to overcome last-minute resistance to sex when she’s still on the fence.
“Conspicuous” Commitment Displays
There is no “conspicuous commitment” in the research literature, so this is my own theory.
Exaggerated display of courtship can work similarly to how exaggerated displays of resources can work.
They accelerate the courtship process. But, since they are mostly personality-based, it’s part of the type of romance that can make women swoon.
See the “perfect lover” Rudolph Valentino, as described by Robert Greene in “The Art of Seduction“.
And that’s why high-effort displays of love can also work on first approaches, see for example “The Notebook”:
Him: (Jumps on a moving Ferris wheel to meet her. Then risks his life to get a “yes”)
Note: high in romance conspicuous commitment strategies work better in cultures with a long-term bias and with romantic women. It fares more poorly in cultures with a strong short-term bias (also see “SMV variables“) where it’s too high investment and makes you look too try-hard.
4. Display Physical Prowess With Sport Success
Women want healthy and physically strong men -or, at least, stronger than they are-.
Men show their physical strength with:
- Playing competitive sports
- Seeking rewards and victories in their sports
- Seeking prestige roles in team sports (ie.: quarterback or team captain)
- Lifting weights
Physical prowess in almost any physical endeavor is an indicator of both health and higher than average fitness.
There are many layers of competition when it comes to physical prowess.
Winning at sports is one way of showing physical superiority in a controlled and safe environment.
Men also see to derogate other men’s success related to sports, for example insinuating they are “all brawn and no brain”, or that they are using drugs (see an example here).
Physical prowess also feeds into social dominance, with men trying to use size and physical threats to assert dominance over others.
In early pick-up artist parlance, it was referred to as “AMOG-ing” (ie.: “alpha male of the group”).
On average, athletic men, especially the successful ones, have more sexual partners than the average.
But doing sports is very effective IF you also gain status and money with your sports activities.
Otherwise, it has little effect if you play at an amateur level with little real-life downfalls from it.
When it comes to muscle, there is much variability in women’s preferences, so it’s not a straight relation where “more is always better”.
Very thin body types are usually a turn off and, some studies show, moderate amount of muscle mass is preferred (Frederick, 2007).
4.2. Display Sexual Prowess
Overlapping but independent indicators of physical prowess are displays of sexual prowess.
Every man good on the dance floor is also alluding to sex, while good music coordination suggests good rhythmicity, which is important to help women achieve orgasms.
Sexual prowess signals don’t actually require masculinity.
As a matter of fact, it requires a level of comfort with one’s body and a “free-flowing” of movement that is rarely found in the most masculine men.
Some modern urban seducers also seek access to women’s bodies by promising how good they will make her feel in exchange for it.
They can do it with direct sexual communications, hints to sex or, even better, indirectly with body language.
Look at this guy for example, dripping sexuality with his moves and attitude.
This one requires skills.
It can backfire badly and make him look like a pervert if done wrong -as most men do-.
But it’s effective if done well.
More effective for short-term mating than for long-term mating, albeit as we’ve seen there is often an overlap between the two.
And it’s always easy for high-value men to switch from casual sex to long-term dating, if they so wish.
5. Display Self-Confidence & Bravado
Self-confidence is an indicator of status (Barkow, 1989) and past successes.
David Buss says that high confidence men earn more money and more easily find sex partners, and many men try to appear more assertive and dominant when they are around women they like.
Assertiveness is crucial, so also see:
Men compete for social status.
Self-confidence is extremely useful because it is strongly correlated to social status and power.
And social status and power then lead to mating opportunities.
Confidence is effective at all times.
Bravado, as in risk-taking, can also be effective for short term, with research showing that women prefer men who engage in risky behavior (Petraitis, 2014) and even men who had head scars (Burris, 2009).
Men must be careful not to overdo the bravado thing though.
Do it too much, and it’s the equivalent of over-investing. It looks like he is strutting around for her, and that gives her all the power of choice.
It would be the equivalent of birds dancing around to show off. They might dance well, but the power is still all hers to pick and choose.
Furthermore, in my opinion, bravado is not the most effective strategy because it’s indirect.
It aims more at impressing other men rather than actually focusing on the process of advancing a romance with a woman.
5.2. Asshole Dating Strategy
You know the “asshole game”.
Some men are naturally assholes, while some others purposefully seek to be more antisocial and unpleasant in the belief that it will get them more women.
But is it true?
Well, under certain, limited conditions, it works.
So we need to dig a bit deeper here.
Urbaniak and Killman’s study shows that women would pick “nice guys” both for other women and for themselves, albeit a few women did pick a nice guy for other women and a bad boy for themselves -but still a minority of women-.
In a similar study with dating ads, thus mimicking a more realistic long-term dating scenario, it was still kind men who were picked the most.
Or, more precisely, men who exhibited altruism as a courtship display, using keywords such as “I volunteer at a food bank” or “I enjoy helping people”.
Age is another factor that comes into play.
Younger women tend to be more infatuated with the image of the rascal bad boy, while older women tend to go more for the stable and mature type.
Viren Swami reaches the conclusion that if the “kind guy” is unconfident and looks like he lets everyone trample him, then the bad boy might be the preferred option.
But if we are talking about a confident man, then the bad boy appeals to a smaller fraction of the population while being unappealing to a much larger one.
The Kind Asshole Strategy
Please note that kindness and “asshole” are not necessarily opposites.
As a matter of fact, I like the mixed “kind asshole” style (example in Seduction University).
Women love it when an otherwise kind and refined guy shows an edge of aggression and anti-sociality directed towards the “real” antisocial (in a way, that’s exactly what ThePowerMoves is all about).
6. Display Indicators of Intelligence (Game)
Among the numerous possible displays of intelligence:
- Good conversations
- Any verbal aspect of “game”
Evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller (Miller, 2000) says that many of the “higher” forms of human intelligence are nothing but indicators of fitness.
Since there is much overlap between success at arts and status, and between seduction and good conversations, I think that Miller is right.
Yes, with some caveats.
You might have read on Tinder sometimes of women self-defining themselves as “sapiosexuals”.
Well, it turns out, it could be true.
Albeit only a minority of people are sexually attracted to intelligence (1% to 8%), sapiosexuality exists (Gignac et. al., 2017).
It’s not a linear correlation, though, and there is a ceiling: when someone is too smart, like genius level, then attraction decreases.
In my opinion, this is due to the fact that women are generally attracted to men they feel are better than they are.
But when the difference is too big, then the disconnect is also too big.
It’s the same for masculine traits: studies show that a masculine voice is attractive, but below a certain threshold, it’s not attractive anymore.
What works best with intelligence are the expressions of intelligence.
IQ by itself does nothing to attraction, it’s all about how you convey it that works (ie.: sounding intelligent, and smart, and refined).
Take the old cliche’ of women liking men who make them laugh, for example. Well, it’s true, women like men who make them laugh (Bressler, 2005).
And that’s because humor is an easily recognizable expression of intelligence, together with good quips and comebacks, or good conversation and making her feel good.
“Game”, in many ways, is also an expression of intelligence.
7. Become Famous (Social Proof)
Social proof includes:
- A group of cool friends
- High good status in that group
- Women warm and friendly towards you (mate-copying)
All of the above work effectively.
All of the above work effectively.
And they will provide outsized mating success when they are amplified by fame.
Fame is the new mating superpower.
The power of fame was limited during much of our evolution.
After all, everyone was “well-known” in small tribes and being “famous” had some benefits, but it was capped by the tribe’s size.
Today, technology has changed the game.
Access to millions of potential mates who self-select to follow you because they like you is a true game-changer.
It started with mass media, and reached new heights with social media.
But allow me an important caveat.
It’s effective once you have it.
Not in the sense that you should pursue fame as a dating strategy. For most guys, that’s like seeking to get rich by winning the lottery.
For most people: focus on having a good social circle of friends, including female friends.
However, if you got a shot at fame, this is as close as it gets to a silver bullet.
Fame provides men with power and resources all at once, plus a mass market to advertise them.
Followers also self-select, meaning that many of those who choose to follow you already like you.
Fame can also help transcend looks.
Studies show that average-looking famous people have a bigger emotional impact than non-famous but attractive ones (Gakhal, 2008).
We also grow familiar to famous people, and there are plenty of studies now showing that familiarity breeds liking and attraction (Peskin, 2004).
Plus, there is the law of the large numbers.
Put yourself in front of enough people, and you’re bound to find someone who likes you.
In sum: become famous enough, and even an otherwise unattractive man still could rake in large numbers of willing female sexual partners.
Maximizing Your Dating Success
As you can see, men have many different tools at their disposal.
In our current society, there are enough paths to success that men can “specialize” in one or a few of them depending on their taste or propensity.
See here how different types of men can all be attractive and successful at dating, albeit they all have different personalities and styles:
Men can also make up for what they’re lacking in one area by exceeding in another.
With these many options, all that’s required is to get off one’s ass and work :).
Seduction University excerpt.
This article is an excerpt from Power University.
The lesson in the course has more examples and more practical strategies you can apply to your life.