How to turn down sex, or at least delay sex, without hurting his ego?
It’s an important question, because if you like a guy but reject him the wrong way, you can destroy any chances of a relationship.
By the end of this article, you will know how to turn down sex without obliterating your chances at a relationship.
- How to Reject Sex: 4 Bad Ways
- How Now to Delay Sex: Example
- How to Reject Sex: The Right Way
- Responsibility For Dating Failures
- How To Turn Him Down: Summary
The First Time You Approach Sex
The first time he escalates towards sex is a very emotional, intense moment for him.
He is putting all of himself -no, not just his penis, really all of himself- on the line.
When you turn him down the wrong way, it’s like telling him “you suck, I don’t want you”.
And if you do it wrong, it can make or break the relationship.
We will deal here with two topics when it comes to rejecting a man’s advances:
- How women destroy relationships turning down sex the wrong way;
- How you can delay sex effectively en route to a successful relationship
Two people can like each other and still destroy a budding relationship when sex rejection happens in the wrong way.
Keep this in mind:
- It’s easy to crush a man’s ego with a rejection
Data at hand, In Brene Brown pinpointed “initiating sex” as one the most vulnerable moments for men’s lives.
That included men in relationships, and it’s all the more vulnerable when there is no relationship yet.
- Things can easily spiral downwards after critical phases
It’s easy that after a rejection thing will turn sour.
And while you might not care for someone you don’t like, you don’t want that to happen with a guy you actually like.
How to Reject Sex: 4 Bad Ways
Do you want to hear a (not so) funny thing?
I was checking what were the most common search terms for this article. In the top 10 there was this one here:
I rejected him now he rejects me
This is exactly what this article is about.
And it’s exactly what you will learn to fix going forward.
Here are four common ways that women sexually reject men the wrong way:
#1. “I Don’t Want You” Rejections
Imagine the following scenario with a new relationship:
- You’re in a private location -for the first time-
You think this could lead to something physical. You’re not sure about it, but you’re excited and a bit nervous.
- He makes a move
He goes to kiss you.
Deep down you like it that he’s going for it, but it’s a bit too soon. Or you want to play hard to get.
- You reject him – the wrong way
You pushed him away.
Or you moved away as if he was a rabid dog.
Maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but you communicated that you don’t want him.
- Now it’s weird
Now he is dejected.
You don’t know what to say. You fumble something, but you mostly hope he can make it good again.
- Things turn sour
He’s not making things better.
He’s more lost than you are. The discomfort grows larger. You want out of this.
Once you leave you’re glad you’re out of it -now it’s over and after all, he turned out a bit of a weirdo-
The Psychology Of Bad Sex Rejection
Now granted, he might have been an actual, real weirdo. But.. Are you really sure he was? He wasn’t a weirdo at all until then. He was a cool guy. Why is he only a weirdo now?
Psychology is clear on it: we don’t remember whole interactions.
We remember the peaks and what happens last (check The Paradox of Choice). Exactly what happens when you reject him the wrong way.
A mismanaged bad move and ending the interaction on a low. That’s all it takes for an otherwise great guys to be passed up.
I’ll come out of the woodwork and say it: I’ve been a weirdo for some women (mostly in the past). And some other woman said I was the best man they’ve ever met.
That’s quite a wide breadth there. From the. Exact. Same. Person.
The difference was in the rejection.
Why You Reject Him all Wrong
When you reject him you are not communicating your full range of feelings.
You are only communicating the negative part of it.
And that can be painful and he can had difficulties in recovering from there.
If you like him but you need more time your rejection should deflect the physical escalation while also communicating your positive feelings.
You’re Screening In The Players!
Now you might think that’s a good thing to be harsh so you only get the coolest guys.
Some guys indeed will disregard your rejection no matter how you slice it.
They’ll take a step back, talk a bit more, chill a bit more, pour one more drink. And then go for it again.
If you only end up with those guys, then you’re screening in the players.
Those are the guys who’ve been there a hundred times and know how to make up for the women’s mistakes.
And Screening Out The Good Guys!
The guys who are not female whores?
Those are the guys who’ll most likely feel deeply hurt by what they interpret as a strong personal fu*k you.
They might recover with a bit of time, but the minutes after a failed move are the heaviest. The heaviness of that situation often doesn’t afford him the luxury of time. It’s often over before you two even had a chance.
And it only gets worst when he’s really into you. You see, the more one person means to us, the more their opinions and rejections will hurt.
It might be this guy was just a bit too touchy. Or he was too into you. And he’d otherwise be a great guy. But you’ll never know.
Because when you reject too strongly you filter in the players and you filter out the guys really interested in you!
What’s a gal to do then? The end of this article answers that.
#2. You Have To Respect Me Rejection
Some women will try to checkmate men by asking to be respected. How dare he come off so strongly, or so quickly? You’re a lady!
This is a woman’s way to tell the man he needs to wait and maybe he’ll get the candy -if he behaves, that is-.
In one go the “respect me” gal is setting herself up as saintly, framing herself as the one who needs to be pleased and also taking the lead in the relationship.
It works well with less experienced men as they’ll gobble it up and keep investing in the woman.
It works very poorly with the men who see through it.
You go haughty queen with that move, but only peasants will stick around.
Basically, it works well with the guys you most likely don’t want and works poorly with the men you most likely want.
Guys who’ve been around the block know that the best way to respect a woman is to bond emotionally, have a great physical chemistry and then make her come. And then bond a bit more after that.
They know the best relationsihps are based on honest communication and entail great chemistry.
When you tell him to respect you, you are communicating the opposite.
Every guy with good hears will basically hear:
- I’m not that attracted to you
- We don’t have a great chemistry
- I don’t respect you that much
- I’m playing games
#3. “Not Yet”
We’re going down the list of minor offenses now.
“Not yet” can work if it’s done correctly and can actually further both your physical connection and your chances of a relationship.
When done badly though he can easily perceive it as a power move much similar to the “respect me”, just lighter and less domineering.
The wrong way of stopping him with a “not yet” is by saying it without any emotions and lust.
When you say rationally and unemotionally it feels to him like you’ve got an hidden agenda. A time line to respect or something.
It makes him think he’s not hot enough for quick sex and you’re trapping him for a relationship. The cool guys though are ill at ease with negotiating the details of a relationship with women who are not into them.
#4. Spite Check Questioning
Some women will start getting antsy as the reckoning time approaches.
And the way to slow down and defuse tension is to talk and ask questions.
Most guys know better than to reply and will only stop when she physically stops them. Then they will quickly close the conversation ad re-initiate again. Basically they know things are gonna happen and yours are only disturbance tactics.
Why even bother then, they’ll think?
That’s one of the ways spite check questioning devalues you. It sends a slightly negative message both about you and about him.
About you, it makes you come across as slightly childish, unnecessarily nervous and indecisive. And about him, it sends a message you’re not so sure about him.
Ideally if you’ve reached that point you should know whether or not he’s a guy you’re comfortable getting together with and you should communicate his appreciation him without showing doubts.
Personally when I’m on the fence about a woman stalling me with spite check conversation, I start getting more and more turned off.
If I like the woman I can find it endearing -up to a certain point-. But that doesn’t mean I don’t pass some judgement based on it -namely, that she’s a bit of a big baby-.
How Now to Delay Sex: Example
The messages below come from one of the worst sex-delaying techniques I have ever seen from a woman.
This was the poster child of doing it all wrong.
- She looks bored, annoyed and irritable
- When I say I like her and imply she feels the same, she vehemently denies
- During the escalation she keeps repeating “how small I am” (allow me a clarification: was not talking about me penis 🙂
- To keep her act she finally dresses to leave BUT she wanted to stay
- Once away she writes and negotiates to come back
- We do it and she shows no passion
- Finally, she falls in love after she managed to fully estrange me
Can you see how each step compounded the mistake?
The difference here is that the man knew what he was doing, and that attracted her.
She didn’t, and pushed him emotionally away.
Result: he probably doesn’t want to see her again. She fell in love.
This is was extreme example of course, but most women do at least one of the above mistakes.
How to Reject Sex: The Right Way
If you like him but you either need more time or want to resist a little bit you gotta slow things down while also showing that you’re into him.
A few great ways to do exactly just that:
#1. The Hug Tackle
A great technique to delay sex and a win-win for everyone.
As he escalates sexually, you deflect moving towards a cuddly hug instead. If you also rest his head on his shoulder he might feel like you’re in need of emotional support. But it will also pander to his protector feelings, bringing him emotionally closer to you. Whether you rest your head head on him or not, it’s best done all in silence, no words spoken.
The hug tackle switches from sexual to emotional. It slows down the tempo while at the same time increasing your bonding.
#2. Fire / Water Alternation
As he kisses you, kiss him back, touch him or pant a bit. Then all of a sudden, stop and push him back. Don’t verbalize it, but the feeling you want to convey is “it’s hot, but I’m a lady and need time, I will resist”.
- Read Madonna / whore seduction for more
#3. I Really Like You – I Wanna Take It Slow
This is the best way of delaying sex.
It’s honest, emotional, builds him up and builds a connection. Once he accepts he’s also an inch closer to being your boyfriend (if you want him like that of course).
Look how she executes it to perfection:
Avoid Being One on One
Many a great connections died on the altar of a failed sexual escalation.
In my experience going to someone’s place and having an escalation that does not lead to sex almost always spells doom for the relationship.
If you like him but you’re also sure and positive you don’t want to get physical I recommend you simply avoid being at your place or to his place.
Responsibility For Dating Failures
This article is to help women (and men) increase their chances of finding the right partner. It’s not about pointing fingers.
But since men traditionally have the “leading” role in seduction, we could argue most of the “blame” rests on men.
But no man is flawless. And even the amazing ones, they’re not amazing all the times.
I’m pretty sure many a woman missed a relationship with Clooney or Gere because of a failed escalation. I’m pretty sure some women left these guys in anger after a blotched sexual escalation.
This is dating.
And ironically, the more you care and the bigger the feelings, the easier it is to derail.
Sometimes a small pebble at a key intersection can derail a train otherwise on course to beautiful destinations.
By knowing what the most common issues and pitfalls are, you can give your own contribution to make sure you give your and your favorite men the best possible shot.
This post is designed in a way the woman can help men run things smoothly.
How To Turn Him Down: Summary
If we had to summarize this guide on how to turn a man down in one sentence, it would be this: when he escalates physically make sure you protect his ego if you wanna deny him.
You do that by showing that you like him, personally and physically. You just need a bit more time and you’ll get there.