Dating For Women: Start Here

dating tips for women

The dating advice on this website can be different than what you are used to.

And that’s because most dating advice is unscientific, generic, or coming from women or men with limited experienced.
In a nutshell: a good chunk of your typical dating advice for women is a crapshoot.
Sometimes good, and oftentimes counterproductive. 

Contrary to most “dating tips for women” you find online I ground my approach in psychology, data, researches, and quite a bit of personal experience.

Below I list some of the most common myths, together with advice for a better approach. 

#1. Make Him Chase

But who chases… ?

This is the N.1 dating advice for women: you should make him chase.

The idea is that the more he chases, the more he will commit to you.
And there is some truth in that, you can read here how to make him chase.

However, it’s generic advice and it’s poor for high-quality women. This advice mostly works with lower quality men and in very specific situations.

The rule of thumb is this: men who are lower quality than you are will chase you.
Men around your same sexual market value will most chase you if they are clueless.
Higher quality men will not chase you, but move on.

#2. Make Him Invest, While You Give Little

But who invests without getting anything in return?

man proposing

The second most popular advice is to make him invest as much as possible.

Things such as: pick you up, pay for dinner, do you favors etc.

The idea is that the more he invests, the more he will like you and the more he will commit.
And there is much truth in that.

However, same as for chasing, it’s mostly men who feel they’re not good enough who will try to “buy” their difference away.

#3 Feign Disinterest (& He Will Chase More)

…But know the risk: that he will end up with your more available girlfriend

Feigning disinterest is nothing but a form of making him chase more and invest more.
Yes: they are all connected.

In modern society, feigning disinterest doesn’t work too well because there are more high-quality women than men, most men have a fragile ego and most men are not ready for a long and drawn fight to her heart (and vagina).

Also read:

  • Value and availability: it’s a better strategy to be high value and “barely attainable”
  • Selectively hard to get: this is the best of both worlds. You combine a “hard to get strategy” together with making him feel special for being the chosen one

#4 Wait… As Long As Possible for Sex

dating advice for women

Opens in 3 months’ time

Again, not fully wrong.

But, again, a huge generalization that sometimes will work and, many other times, will backfire.

Here are some better “rules of thumbs” for you:

  • Wait if he’s conservative
  • Wait if you’re in a conservative culture
  • Wait if you have deeply ingrained beliefs on waiting
  • Go for it if you’re in a whirlwind romance
  • Go for it if you have great chemistry and passion is running high
  • Go for it if you have been on a long nice date and sex feels like the “coronation of a splendid time”

If you have sex early, you can use the “selectively hard to get strategy”. And let him know that you don’t usually do that. That way, not only early sex won’t take any points away, but he will actually feel special for (and hopefully you’re not lying).

#5. Men Want Independent Bitches

… Except it’s wrong more times than not…

feminist woman

This advice comes from women, almost never from men.

In part, this is intrasexual manipulation
And in part, it’s wishful thinking from very driven women who wished that strength wasn’t a handicap in the dating market. And I can totally understand that.

Of all the most typical advice here, this might be the most potentially dangerous one.
It’s true that there are a few women who are “too nice”. But it’s really only a few of them. And many of them will still just do fine when they meet the guy who’s ready to commit (the girl who used to drop unreturned gifts at in my mailbox is now happily engaged with a much better guy than I am, without ever becoming any bitchier).

In short: only very few women would benefit from the advice of “toughening up”.

More women instead could benefit from the opposite advice.
How to be more feminine, how to make men want to care for them more, and how to be able to seek and turn relationships into win-win.

As Aziz says in The Tao of Dating:

Respect for female strength does not translate into male attraction

At the end of the day, whether we like it or not, more feminine and more submissive women have more dating options.

This is not to say that strong women have on chance.
For example, the strong woman is better suited to finding a more submissive man and controlling the relationship. These relationships tend to be more stable and last longer.

However, if you want to have more options, including with high-quality men, then it’s best if you learn the whole spectrum: from the driven and strong woman, to mellow and supportive.

#6. Be Successful… And Men Will Come

Well… Partially.
But this is a double-edged sword.

To begin with, some men will avoid more successful women out of fear that they will overpower them.
And successful men have lots of options, and don’t necessarily go after other successful women.

Psychopaths do target successful women, especially when they seem lonely and out of options.
But you’re better off avoiding those.

In short, while successful men attract women, success and good careers don’t work nearly as well for women.

Like it or not, successful women are still required to be feminine, independently of how successful they get.
Read:

Getting Your Facts Straight

asian woman reaches out for books

Alright, we addressed some dating myths and fixed them with some better strategies.

Now let’s build on that with even better dating techniques.

Here are a few key articles to get you started:

Proper Dating “How Tos“

dating for women fairy
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