Getting a boyfriend is easier than you think.
Most women date badly, so if you follow these simple steps you will naturally put yourself in a position to get a boyfriend… Fast.
This article shows you exactly how to get a boyfriend.
- #1. Take Care of Yourself
- #2. Go Out A LOT: Help Chance Work Its Magic
- #3. Send Available Signals
- #4. Position Yourself Strategically
- #5. Fish The Office: Help Your Colleagues Make a Move
- #6. Cast The Widest Net: Use Online Dating
- #7. Give ‘Em A Chance: Boring Men Make Great BFs
- #8. Show Some Excitement
- #9. Go Meet Him – Don’t Flake
- #10. Don’t Hope For The Spark: Develop It
- #11. Don’t Be Too Needy
- #12. …But Don’t Play Too Unavailable Either
- #13. Move Forward In Unison
- #14. Demand Commitment (Early)
- You Got a Boyfriend. Now What?
#1. Take Care of Yourself
80% of your results come from mastering the basics
When I see a woman with unshaven legs, my heart cries.
I think you know the basics.
You only have to stick to them.
That’s the ABC and you have to take care of the ABC.
For more details on taking your ABC to stellar levels:
- Increase your feminine appeal (femininity is in short supply, use it!)
- 3 effective seductive styles
- Seductive body language for women
- Avoid these dressing styles (please!)
#2. Go Out A LOT: Help Chance Work Its Magic
Life is a number’s game. And dating is even more so
Do a lot of everything social for one month.
- Couchsurgin meetups
- After work drinks
- Bars and clubs
- Join clubs
- Take up classes
After one month, assess what worked best, and do more of that (yes, you’re going to be strategic about this, we’re not joking around here :).
Pick Places With Lots of Men, Few Women
Which classes to choose?
Well, Data shows environments with more women make men lazy and entitled.
So pick something that is either 50/50 women to men or that has more men in it.
Here are some great ones where you’ll be the big prize in the room:
- Tech meetups (you’re curious about that world, might want to learn coding)
- Coders’ meetups
- Gamers (even if you don’t game, say you want to start)
- Chees clubs
- Sports-bars (I know, they suck, but try it)
- Entrepreneurs meetups
Then, once you’re there:
#3. Send Available Signals
#1 rule of social skills: make it easy for people to do what you want
And as a rule of thumb:
The more you seek long-term, the safer you want to make men feel to approach.
Because some guys will approach anyway.
And it’s those guys who make women lose hope in finding a good boyfriend.
Because when the bar is high it’s mostly players and drunk slobs who approach.
When you lower the bar, you also get more men who are not on the fringes.
And you get far better prospects.
Here are a few signs of availability without looking easy:
- Smile a lot & be social
- Be warm to men who approach to invite more of the same
- Talk to your friends and glance at good prospects
- Look at him, then look down
- Look at him, then smile
For more pictures and videos, check out “does she like me“, where I break down the signals of attraction.
Now to make sure your potential boyfriend comes to you:
#4. Position Yourself Strategically
Not even the best womanizers can hit on an hidden woman… Let alone normal guys
I actively seek to meet women when I go out.
And sometimes I’d like to (friendly) slap some women to instill them with some wisdom.
They stare at a guy, smile, talk to their girlfriend and then look at him again… They give me all the typical signs of interest.
But they never move from sitting in their big circles of friends! It’s as if they’re scared to make it easy for a cool guy they like to say hi.
Be smarter instead:
- Going out with guys (men won’t approach)
- Sitting the whole time
- Staying in the middle of your girlfriends
- Getting too drunk
- Flirting with everyone and getting to know noone
Do the following:
- Go out with one girlfrend, two top
- Go out by yourself
- Move around a lot
- Don’t smoke, but go out in the smoking area
- Go to the bathroom often and by yourself
- Go outside by yourself for a breath of fresh air
- Look at people dancing by yourself
- Admire the view (if there’s any)
Don’t be afraid of being a bit by yourself: we are past the jungle age and guys don’t carry a club anymore.
Not the bad kind at least (allow me at least one bad joke per article :).
#5. Fish The Office: Help Your Colleagues Make a Move
Lower the bar in your social circle
Most relationships bloom in workplaces or social circles.
Great, so you also know they got a job and are not bums :).
It’s too good a market to ignore.
Some of your colleagues are wary of mucking it up at work.
But that’s not going to stop you.
r through the grapevine that you love your colleagues.
You don’t date colleagues BUT are happy to meet them for a drink.
That makes you more precious and lowers the pressure for guys to ask you out.
And if you end up hitting it off, it will only seem like you’ve made an exception just for him (and you even boost his self-esteem, how nice of you :).
And of course, to hell that “no-colleagues” rule, you never meant it to begin with.
It’s a stupid rule anyway.
#6. Cast The Widest Net: Use Online Dating
Which net catches the best fishes? The wide one!
Sometimes women ask me this:
Should I use online dating?
And I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
Like, you’re looking for a relationship, and you’re not yet using online dating??
That’s like saying you have been looking for a job but aren’t sure if you “also” should look online.
Sure, I get why some women aren’t there yet.
I remember laughing once at the online description of a Tinder profile:
I wish you had spoken to me on the metro instead
Yeah, I wished he had done that.
But he hasn’t, so… Get real.
Of course in person is ideal and you dream of finding a boyfriend who’ll sweep you off your feet.
But while we keep that dream alive, be realistic as well.
Hope for the best but also cast your net as wide as possible and you will get as many boyfriends candidates as possible.
Why Online Dating?
Many great men can be more on the shy side.
And many great men might not even approach at all.
Why should you miss on those? It’s a huge market!
And of course, there are many high-quality men who are too busy to go to lots of social events.
And maybe they don’t take the metro because they got cool cars :).
Plus, as Hussey says in “Get The Guy“, the guys who are most likely to approach you are also more likely to be players. And too smooth an approach can be a sign of a womanizer.
#7. Give ‘Em A Chance: Boring Men Make Great BFs
Rejection give women a rush of power… Which they will enjoy all by themselves 🙂
How to get a boyfriend in the shortest possible time?
Give as many men a chance!
Why It’s Important To Give “Boring Guys” A Chance
The paradox of choice says that the more options you have, the more unhappy you are while pondering too much and picking nothing.
Modernity is a huge dating paradox of choice.
Urban life, dating apps, social media, and Hollywood movies make us feel as if there are exciting men everywhere.
Advertising further raises our expectations beyond reality.
Women wait and wait… And wait.
But the reality might be harsher: there aren’t that many great men. And the more time goes by, the fewer there will be (math says so!).
Don’t let that happen to you: to get a boyfriend, give those boys a chance.
Especially the ones that seem “boring”.
“Boring” is not a disqualifier (keep on reading).
Boring is the new sexy.
#8. Show Some Excitement
Emotions are contagious. And honesty is refreshing.
Scarcity does up your value… Up to a very limited point.
But unavailable games are also often abused and misused.
I talk about it more in-depth in 7 biggest mistakes women make in dating. For here, suffice to say that if you really wanna use scarcity, tweak it like this:
You: I’m very busy and don’t have much free time… But I can find some for someone who deserves it
Now you communicated scarcity -if you really need to do that- plus showed him the light at the end of the tunnel. And you built him up.
What to Text Before the Date
But best of all is showing candid interest.
Emotions are contagious, so he’ll likely feel the same.
Plus, an honest gal is so refreshing in this day of game players!
I was working hard on this website those days.
So if she was going to cancel, I’d have been half-happy. But after she sent me that message with an empathic “yes!” and that she was looking forward to our date?
Then I was also looking forward to meeting her!
#9. Go Meet Him – Don’t Flake
Not once in history did a woman get a boyfriend by canceling a date
Once you set out the date, don’t flake.
Don’t cancel and try not to reschedule.
The reason is deeply psychological -and scientific-.
The Science Behind It
It’s the sad reality of back-rationalization (Eagleman, 2011).
If you don’t make it happen soon, your mind will back-rationalize that maybe you didn’t like him that much.
That’s not true, but that’s how the mind works.
Example: Strike When It’s Hot
Many times I’ve had an underwhelming first encounter.
But we met quickly and things just happened.
Some other times I have had an amazing first encounter with a woman.
Then something happened that we had to reschedule the date.
And we never met again (example below).
We missed the first try. Missed the second too. And it never happened. It was a great connection, and maybe she’ll end up with some boring schmuck.
#10. Don’t Hope For The Spark: Develop It
The spark is great. But love also builds over time: don’t depend on sparks, develop them
Listen to this story.
Aziz in his book The Tao of Dating talks about a girlfriend of his who had just been on a great date. The two daters talked for the whole night and they had so much in common.
But… She wasn’t sure she was going to see him again.
The reason? There was no spark.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love initial chemistry.
But The spark is cr@p as a predictor of long-lasting love and of commitment. If you are wondering how to get a boyfriend, that’s NOT by looking at sparks.
I and this woman had a great spark.
With lots of fireworks soon after, too.
And see how it ended:
Her: I feel so devasted, empty
My heart sinks reading that.
I’ll always feel guilty thinking of that relationship -and those lines-.
But I couldn’t help it getting deep into it because the chemistry was so crazy and we were so into each other.
Again, chemistry -and sexual fireworks- are crappy predictors of relationship success.
.. But love develops over time
Love is often like developing your passion: it builds over time.
People who feel the butterflies are often anxious attachment type dating an avoidant attachment type. And that’s the recipe for the worst relationship you can have.
Indeed anxious women craving intimacy often pass up the best boyfriends –secure attachment types– because, well… They’re too stable.
#11. Don’t Be Too Needy
Let his momma smother him
This is another very popular basic advice you know already.
And it’s mostly for the girls out there who want to get a boyfriend but get too needy when they’re about to get one (check Why Men Love Bitches).
However, in my experience, this is a minority of women in the west.
But if it’s you, well, try to keep a balance of contact. Let’s say no more than 1.-2 times for every time he contacts you.
In a world of gamers, honest women shine bright
But don’t play unavailable games either.
The whole dating advice industry is built on two (often wrong) fundamentals:
- Be unavailable (make him chase)
- Invest little (and make him invest much)
Both work, but almost nobody says they work only in specific scenarios and, often, with the wrong kind of guys.
It works with avoidants, the guys who can’t commit, because they will be very happy that you keep the distance (and if you want to get a boyfriend, you need to screen these guys out).
If you want to get a boyfriend fast, I recommend you do the opposite.
Look at this woman how she sped up the dating while also dropping games (and while also showing me a lesson and taking control of the dating process):
#13. Move Forward In Unison
Life is a tango. And there’s no dance if the partner doesn’t dance along
Bruce Bryan in his great Never Chase Men Again says that high quality men have little tolerance for egocentric women.
Asking for the moon will not make you sound like a prize, but like an entitled princess on a pea (and entitlement is a typical trait of low quality women).
That’s why you should move the relationship forward together with him. One step him, one step you. He comes towards you, you move further towards him.
He does something nice, you do something nice back.
That’s how you advance steadily and resolutely towards a committed relationship.
Read more here:
How to Test Men for Relationships
If he doesn’t do much to further the relationship, I like this technique: the big surprise.
For example, invite him home where you have a home cooked dinner with a top wine, candles and all.
Then, if he appreciates and gives back to you, he’s a keeper.
If he doesn’t, you might want to drop him.
And that’s how to get a boyfriend the smart woman way. You quickly screen out the time-wasters who can’t commit, and quickly find those who are happy to be your boyfriend.
#14. Demand Commitment (Early)
Good things come to those who don’t wait
Some dating coaches would want you to behave as if you never wanted a relationship in a million years.
I say I’ve never heard a biggest BS than that.
Some others swung in the opposite direction and would want you to ask for a relationship before sex. I say that’s way out of line and will only work, again, with men you probably don’t want as boyfriends (read: should you delay sex).
What Is The Solution?
The solution is to ask for commitment as soon as you have enough leverage to do so.
In doubt, sooner is better than later.
Steve Harvey in “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man” recommends you ask for a relationship early because demanding commitment shows you’ve got standards. And standards are a sign of quality.
And I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s the line my last committed relationship used on me:
You: I don’t do sex outside of relationships
We were already intimate, and the fact we were having a great time together was all leverage for her to come up with that very early -like 3rd date or so-.
She doesn’t threaten anything directly, which you should never do, but does two great things:
- Shows her value: she’s not a fu*k buddy type of gal
- Indirectly implies we might not see each other without committment
Exactly like we like it: ruthless, yet feminine and kind.
Shoot. Or get off the range
You Got a Boyfriend. Now What?
Now relationship skills take center stage.
But it would be beyond the scope of this article.
For now, congrats :).
Then later you can start reading about relationship strategies :).
And here’s a one-sentence summary on how to get a boyfriend ASAP:
- Cast your net wide
- Meet many
- Date many
- Go deeper with a few you like, and then it’s:
- Commit quick or get off the pot.
While this article is primarily my opinion, it is also based on copious amount of dating advice, lots of personal experience, years and years of observation, and psychology and sociology.