Getting a boyfriend is easier than you think.
Most women date badly, so if you follow these simple steps you will naturally put yourself in a position to get a boyfriend… Fast.
Consider this article a quick primer on effective dating.
- #1. Take Care of Yourself
- #2. Go Out A Lot: Help Chance Work Its Magic
- #3. Send Available Signals
- #4. Position Yourself Well
- #5. Help Your Colleagues Make a Move
- #6. Use online dating
- #7. Give More Men a Chance
- #8. Don’t Be AFraid of Showing Excitement
- #9. Don’t Flake
- #10. Don’t Wait For The Spark: Create it
- #11. Don’t Chase Him (Too Much)…
- #12. …But Don’t Play Unavailable
- #13. Move Forward In Unison
- #14. Demand Commitment (Early)
- You Got a Boyfriend. Now What?
#1. Take Care of Yourself
80% of your results come from mastering the basics
When I see a woman with unshaven legs, my heart cries.
I think you know the basics.
Now you must just stick to them.
That’s the ABC and you have to take care of that.
Let’s add something that will really set you apart instead:
- Increase your feminine appeal (femininity is in short supply, use it!)
- 3 effective seductive styles
- Seductive body language for women
- Avoid these dressing styles (please!)
#2. Go Out A Lot: Help Chance Work Its Magic
Life is a number’s game. And dating is even more so
Do a lot of events, meetups, mixers and after work drinks. Take up classes.
Which classes to choose?
Well, Data shows environments with more women make men lazy and entitled. Pick something that is either 50/50 women to men or that has more men in it.
Here are some great ones where you’ll be the big prize in the room:
- Tech meetups
- Coding classes
- Sports-bars (I know, they suck, just give it a try)
- Outdoor sports
Then, once you’re there:
#3. Send Available Signals
#1 rule of social skills: make it easy for people to do what you want
Some guys will approach anyway.
But you gotta lower the bar so it won’t just be players and drunk slobs who’ll come your way.
Here are a few signs of availability without looking easy:
- Smile a lot & be upbeat
- Don’t reject men you don’t like harshly
- Talk to your friends and glance at him
- Look at him, then look down
- Look at him, then smile
For more pictures and videos, check out “does she like me“, where I break down the signals of attraction.
Now to make sure your potential boyfriend comes to you:
#4. Position Yourself Well
Not even the best womanizers can hit on an hidden woman… Let alone normal guys
I actively seek to meet women when I go out.
And sometimes I’d like to (friendly) slap some women to instill some wisdom.
They stare at a guy, smile, talk to their girlfriend and then look at him again… They give me all the typical signs of interest.
But they never move from sitting in their big circles of friends! It’s as if they’d be scared to make it easy for him to say hi.
Be smarter instead:
The idea of going out is to increase your chances. If you do any of the following, your chances plummet:
- Going out with guys (men won’t approach)
- Sitting the whole time
- Staying in the middle of your girlfriends
- Getting too drunk
- Flirting with everyone and getting to know noone
Do the following:
- Go out with just a couple girlfriends
- Go to the bar by yourself
- Move around a lot
- Don’t smoke, but go out in the smoking area
- Go to the bathroom often and by yourself
- Go outside by yourself for a breath of fresh air
- Look at people dancing by yourself
- Admire the view (if there’s any)
Don’t be afraid of being a bit by yourself: we are past the jungle age and guys don’t carry a club anymore.
Not the bad kind at least (allow me at least one bad joke per article :).
#5. Help Your Colleagues Make a Move
Lower the bar in your social circle
Most relationships bloom from workplaces or social circles.
Yet even there, many guys are wary of mucking it up with everyone around knowing it.
Tell everyone your colleagues are lovely.. But just as friends. You don’t date colleagues and friends.
It will make you seem more precious and lower the pressure for guys to ask you out. And when you go out, the more informal dates will give you a better chance of assessing them for who they really are.
And if you end up hitting it off, it will only seem like you’ve made an exception for them, thus boosting their self esteem.
Oh, because of course, to hell that rule, you never meant it to begin with. Who says you can’t date colleagues anyway?
#6. Use online dating
Which net catches the best fishes? The wide one!
Sometimes women ask me this:
Should I use online dating?
And I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Like, you’re looking for a relationship and you not yet using online dating??
That’s like saying you have been looking for a job and haven’t prepared your CV yet!
Sure, I get why some women aren’t there yet.
I remember laughing once at the online description of a Tinder profile:
I wish you had spoken to me on the metro instead
Yeah, I wished it too he had done that.
Of course in person is ideal and you dream of a finding a boyfriend who’ll sweep you off your feet.
But while we keep that dream alive, be realistic as well.
Hope for the best but also cast your net as wide as possible and you will get as many boyfriends candidates as possible.
Why Online Dating?
Many great men can be more on the shy side.
And many great men might not even approach at all.
Why should miss on those? It’s a huge market!
And of course, there are many high quality men who are too busy to go to lots of social events.
And maybe they don’t take metro because they got cool cars :).
#7. Give More Men a Chance
Rejection give women a rush of power… Which they will enjoy all by themselves 🙂
How to get a boyfriend in the shortest possible time?
Give as many men a chance!
Why It’s Important You Give Chances
The paradox of choice if a well known phenomenon which says that, in front of many options, we end up unhappy and without picking anything.
Modernity is a huge dating paradox of choice.
Urban life, dating apps and social media make us feel as if there are good men everywhere. Hollywood movies and advertising further raise our expectation beyond reality.
Women wait and wait… And wait.
But the reality might be harsher: there aren’t that many great men. And the more time goes by, the fewer there will be (math says so!).
Don’t let that happen to you: to get a boyfriend, give those boys a chance.
#8. Don’t Be AFraid of Showing Excitement
Emotions are contagious. And honesty is refreshing.
Scarcity does up your value… Up to a very limited point.
But unavailable games are also often abused and misused.
I talk about it more in depth in 7 biggest mistakes women make in dating. For here, suffice to say that if you really wanna use scarcity, tweak it like this:
You: I’m very busy and don’t have much free time… But I can find some for someone who deserves it
Now you communicated scarcity -if you really need to do that- plus showed him the light at the end of the tunnel. And you built him up.
What to Text Before the Date
But best of all, in my opinion, is showing candid interest.
Emotions are contagious, so he’ll likely feel the same. Plus a honest gal is so refreshing!
I wasn’t going to be too moved whether this date was on or not. But after she sent me that message?
A question mark on her “yes”, plus adding she was looking forward… Now me too, I was really looking forward to it!
#9. Don’t Flake
Not once in history did a woman get a boyfriend by canceling a date
Once you set out the date, don’t flake.
Don’t cancel and try not to reschedule.
The reason is deeply psychological -and scientific-.
The Science Behind It
It’s the sad reality of back-rationalization (Eagleman, 2011).
If you don’t make it happen soon, your mind will back-rationalize that maybe you didn’t like him that much.
That’s not true, but that’s how the mind works.
Example: hit when it’s hot
Many times I’ve had underwhelming first encounter. But we met quick and things just happened.
Some other times I have had an amazing first encounter with a woman.
Then something happened that we had to reschedule the date. And we never met again (example below).
We missed the first try. Missed the second too. And it never happened. It was a great connection, and maybe she’ll end up with some boring schmuck.
#10. Don’t Wait For The Spark: Create it
The spark is great. But love also builds over time: don’t depend on the sparks, create them
Listen to this story.
Aziz in his book The Tao of Dating talks about a girlfriend of his who had just been on a great date. The two daters talked for the whole night and they had so much in common.
But… She wasn’t sure she was going to see him again.
The reason? There was no spark.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love an initial chemistry. It’s amazing.
But The spark is cr@p as a predictor of long lasting love and of commitment. If you are wondering how to get a boyfriend, that’s NOT by looking at sparks.
Me and this woman had a great spark.
With lots of fireworks soon after, too.
And see how it ended:
.. But love develops over time
Love is often like developing your passion: it builds over time.
People who feel the butterflies are often anxious attachment type dating an avoidant attachment type. And that’s the recipe for the worst relationship you can have.
Indeed anxious women craving intimacy often pass up the best boyfriends –secure attachment types– because, well… They’re too stable.
#11. Don’t Chase Him (Too Much)…
Let his momma smother him
This is another very popular basic advice you know already.
And it’s mostly for the girls out there who want to get a boyfriend but get too needy when they’re about to get one (check Why Men Love Bitches).
However, in my experience, this is a minority of women in the west.
But if it’s you, well, try to keep a balance of contact. Let’s say no more than 1.-2 times for every time he contacts you.
In a world of gamers, honest women shine bright
But don’t play unavailable games either.
The whole dating advice industry is built on two (often wrong) fundamentals:
- Be unavailable (make him chase)
- Invest little (and make him invest much)
Both work, but almost nobody says they work only in specific scenarios and, often, with the wrong kind of guys.
It works with avoidants, the guys who can’t commit, because they will be very happy that you keep the distance (and if you want to get a boyfriend, you need to screen these guys out).
If you want to get a boyfriend fast, I recommend you do the opposite.
Look at this woman how she sped up the dating while also dropping games (and while also showing me a lesson and taking control of the dating process):
#13. Move Forward In Unison
Life is a tango. And there’s no dance if the partner doesn’t dance along
Bruce Bryan in his great Never Chase Men Again says that high quality men have little tolerance for egocentric women.
Asking for the moon will not make you sound like a prize, but like an entitled princess on a pea (and entitlement is a typical trait of low quality women).
That’s why you should move the relationship forward together with him. One step him, one step you. He comes towards you, you move further towards him.
He does something nice, you do something nice back.
That’s how you advance steadily and resolutely towards a committed relationship.
Read more here:
How Test Men for Relationships
If he doesn’t do much to further the relationship, I like this technique: the big surprise.
For example, invite him home where you have a home cooked dinner with a top wine, candles and all.
Then, if he appreciates and gives back to you, he’s a keeper.
If he doesn’t, you might want to drop him.
And that’s how get a boyfriend the smart woman way: screening quickly the time wasters who can’t commit to quickly find the men who want to be your boyfriend.
#14. Demand Commitment (Early)
Good things come to those who don’t wait
Some best-seller dating books would want you to behave as if you never wanted a relationship in a million year.
I say I’ve never heard a biggest BS than that.
Some other books swung the opposite direction and would want you to ask for a relationship before sex. I say that’s way out of line and will only work, again, with men you probably don’t want as boyfriends (read: should you delay sex).
What The Solution?
Steve Harvey of Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man recommends you ask for a relationship early. Because demanding commitment shows you’ve got standards. And standards are a sign of quality.
And I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s a quick idea the woman of my last committed relationship used on me:
You: I don’t do sex outside of relationships
We were already intimate, and the fact we were having a great time together was all leverage for her to come up with that very early -like 3rd date or so-.
She doesn’t threaten anything directly, which you should never do, but does two great things:
- Shows her value: she’s not a fu*k buddy type of gal
- Implies we might not see each other without a committment
Shoot. Or get off the range
You Got a Boyfriend. Now What?
Now relationship skills take center stage.
And here’s a one sentence summary on how to get a boyfriend ASAP:
Cast your net wide: date fast, date many, commit quick or get off the pot.
While this article is primarily my opinion, it is also based on copious amount of dating advise I investigate, lots of personal experience, years and years of observation and a deeper than average knowledge of psychology and sociology.