Vanessa Van Edwards, bestselling author of Cues and founder of Science of People, is a teacher of body language and social skills.

Starting online as ‘Vanessa van Patten‘, she’s today known for her TED talk, books, and podcast appearances. She helps “recovering awkward” individuals thrive socially.

But is her warm, accessible style the best fit for everyone?

As social dynamics experts, we explore her strengths, limitations, and how our power-focused strategies compare.

Vanessa Is Perfect For…

Vanessa’s brand of social skills is perfectly suited for:

1. Women

Vanessa’s feminine energy, emotional transparency, and collaborative tone resonate well with women—especially those who don’t want to “become more like men” to get ahead socially or professionally.

She offers a softer yet effective approach to connection-building and influence.

2. Socialites & Party Hosts

Vanessa shines in explaining the nuances of small talk, group dynamics, and making others feel comfortable.

If you host events, go to networking functions, or enjoy cultivating connections, you’ll find her advice very actionable.

3. Female Leaders Who Embrace High Femininity

A social charmer with a flying career and great family life, Vanessa is a perfect role model for women who want the best of both worlds.

Although higher in warmth and friendliness, Vanessa doesn’t shy away from leading when needed.

Verbal command, reinforcing hand movement, and second hand to display trust. Perfect mix of power and warmth

Also read our guide:

• How to combine power and femininity

4. Women Recovering from Social Awkwardness

Vanessa self-identifies as “recovering awkward.”

And judging by how confidently and smoothly she now operates in front of large audiences and high-status hosts, she’s made huge progress.

She teaches by example—her ability to replicate both poor and great social behavior makes her lessons feel hands-on and digestible. Her personal transformation also gives hope and motivation to others on the same path.

In that sense, she’s a near-perfect guide for women who want to go from socially anxious to socially skilled.

5. High Neurotic Women

Vanessa openly shares that she’s high in neuroticism.

That’s a rare—and commendable—level of self-awareness from a public figure in the self-help space.

Neuroticism, in psychological terms, often correlates with emotional sensitivity and mood swings, anxiety, and social worry.
And yet, Vanessa has developed a public persona that’s confident, cheerful, and warm.

That gives credibility to her advice: if she can do it, others high in neuroticism can learn too. Her personal example is both relatable and aspirational for women in the same emotional category.

Perfect synchrony of nonverbal leadership supporting the verbal request, enhancing compliance

6. Women Looking to Date

Vanessa is in a happy, long-term relationship, and speaks from real-world dating experience.

Her advice for women aligns closely with what we’ve historically taught at TPM: make it easy for men.

She encourages:

• Going out more
• Sending clear attraction signals
• Helping carry conversations
• Saying “yes” when invited
• Finding time to meet the guy

That’s how you get a boyfriend, fast.

She also digs into personality traits to help women find a long-term compatible match, which adds a more refined, advanced, and yet foundational layer to the usual dating advice.

Look for dark triad traits as well
We’d strongly recommend women to also look into dark triad traits, controlling tendencies, and abusive personalities.
OCEAN is helpful, but not enough. You can live with a guy who’s introverted if you’re ambivert. But you set yourself up for an ocean of trouble with an abuser.

Vanessa Is Less Ideal For…

It’s TPM’s target audience that needs this section, including:

1. Men

Especially men looking to project, develop, or maintain a strong masculine presence.

Vanessa’s style leans warm, expressive, and emotionally open—traits that don’t always resonate with men who want to cultivate stoicism, groundedness, or gravitas.

🔎 Example: don’t laugh if it’s not funny

In one interview, the host of Diary of a CEO asked her: “Why are you smiling?”
That brief moment captures how some men may perceive a too-warm communication style as “weak” or “non-serious.”

Vanessa’s big smiles and face covering were high in femininity, warmth, and vulnerability.
They’re great for women—even endearing. But may not work equally well for men.

Covering your face and laugh is endearing, but not something we’d recommend to our readers

2. Ambitious Men Who Want To WIN

Vanessa herself says she has to be ‘PG’.

And her ‘PG approach’ eschews dark psychology, manipulation tactics, negotiation power moves, etc.

But executives, entrepreneurs, or any man interested in an extraordinary life needs more than ‘PG’.
We make the case on this website that awareness and skills in manipulation dynamics, social power dynamics, Machiavellianism, etc. are necessary for all.

And especially for ambitious men.

3. Men Looking For High-Status Networking

Vanessa’s advice is perfect for making friends.

What some must first understand though is that socialization with high achievers is inherently different than random socialization.

Management professor and Ph.D Kelly Reardon refers to ‘Secret Handshake‘ for the sub-communication that high-status people use to weigh each other.
High achievers look at your words and behavior as signals of your mindsets.

And some of Vanessa’s approaches may fit better general socialization than top-10% achievers.

Take some recommended questions for socialization:

These work well for random socialization and getting to know people better.

But these questions also sub-communicate a very different mindset than a go-getter ‘alpha type’.
These men they’ll think you’re different—potentially not at their level.

Furthermore, any question that prioritizes ‘sparking’ is at high risk of making you come across as a try-hard.
Like… Why are you trying so hard to be interesting or different?

Vanessa righteously suggests avoiding probing questions like ‘What do you do’.
But go-getters aren’t shy about direct questions. Direct questions cut to the chase, save time, and quickly tell you whether you should be even talking to the person you have in front.

🔎 Yes to Empathy, But You Must Retain Power

Vanessa emphasizes empathy and relationships, and that’s great.

But as for everything, balance and calibration.

This moment in the interview was telling:

Vanessa: (explaining forehead lines that Steve also had) I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry <— Ruinous empathy. Disempowers Steve and gets sidetracked
Steve: (ignores the ‘sorry’) <— Rejects the ‘poor you frame’ and sticks to the interview

‘Sorrys’ are empathic but disempowering for their ‘poor you’ frame. Winners reject it because they’re favorite frame is ‘f*ck that, I’m a winner and I’ll win anyway’

4. Busy Men, Looking For ROI Socializing

In the Diary of a CEO interview, Vanessa recommends sending texts when someone crosses your mind.

That’s sweet and thoughtful—but not efficient.

Says Vanessa:

Vanessa: Text them I was just thinking of you
(…)
or and better you see a movie, a documentary, a Macha latte (…) and you’re like ‘oh this made me think of you‘.
My text messages are full of moments where I was triggered to think of that person

But this is not the ambitious man’s modus operandi.
Vanessa’s texting advice takes time that ambitious men would rather put to productive use.

Indeed, here’s Steve’s reply to that:

Steve: My surface level reaction to that was <— Nice move to save face and ‘power protect’. But it’s probably what he means deep down

God another job
(…)
if I’ve got to set aside an hour to text everyone I know and <— Busy ambitious men don’t wanna spend too much time texting friends

Vanessa’s incredulous and emphatic reaction is telling of the two different approaches. There is a major disconnect between men who prioritize goals, and women who prioritize relationships.

This approach may also harm your relationship with more masculine and ambitious men.

Ambitious men will avoid you if you text too often.
I guarantee you that, because I do that even with great people I love and respect.

Busy men often prefer a minimal-investment approach to networking: maintaining key relationships, with the least possible energy.
The non-written agreement is this: I love you and I’ll love to meet you but we don’t text to make the most of our time.

That’s also why we recommend a more strategic, ROI-focused method of connection-building and friends-making.

5. Men Who Need To Master A Powerful Presence

Vanessa is a bubbly personality who would liven up any party.

She’s high energy, and high energy is great in the right contexts.

However, for men, it’s critical to master a higher power more grounded presence.
This is our ‘social ROI matrix’ based on the Social Investment Model:

High energy risks of making you look flunky-powerless

You see these two different modes clashing hard in this segment:

Vanessa: (louder, high energy) Oh yeaaah join the cluuub (reaches out for a high five) <— Unmasculine high energy
Steve: (neutral) I wouldn’t say it like that 🗿 <— Masculine approach

Steve then says it’s because he’s British.
That may contribute. But it’s also because he’s a man and… Most high-status men don’t act like that.
Especially not powerful men who gain respect, status, and attraction.

You can also see the more masculine’s host distancing himself from that attitude.

6. Kind, Unassertive Men (Prioritize Respect)

These men are typically lower in power and need clear, no-fluff, power-building advice.

That’s the only way for them to gain some respect, status, and attraction.
And to go places in life.

Vanessa understands power dynamics and even teaches about power cues—but her delivery may be too feminine for men who need to learn to be more assertive and positively dominant.

For example, when talking about dating with the host, Vanessa says that “leaning in” as a form of ‘highlight’ is ‘powerful’.
That’s valid in the right contexts, but her execution is already too warm for a man -even if only as a highlight-:

Smiling right after finishing a sentence, as she does here, might come across as overly accommodating.

That’s not the best modeling for men trying to build assertiveness, presence, and lead socially and in life.

7. Men Looking To Date

Vanessa herself says she has to be ‘PG’.

And that may be an issue because effective dating skills for men require a non-PG approach.

That’s already obvious in dating theory.
For example, Vanessa suggests that women don’t approach because of culture.
While culture certainly plays a role, it’s also about genetics, mate value, and market-like dynamics.

The PG framework is an even bigger handicap in real-world dating.
It glosses over key dynamics like male leadership, high-value (sub)communication, and positive dominance—skills we believe are fundamental for effective dating.

Take, for example, the line from Vanessa’s book Captivate.
Asking her “if she can give you her number” subcommunicates lower status.
It’s not something a top catch—or a skilled dater—would say. And it probably makes you less attractive.

This different lens became obvious in this date breakdown Vanessa did on Steve’s podcast—especially compared to our own analysis of the body language dynamics:

Vanessa: (says there are no signs of attraction)
Lucio: (sees plenty of signs of attraction)

Me-too destroys attraction

Vanessa encourages looking for ‘me too’ moments to foster a deeper connection.

However, it’s all about the delivery, and being too fast on ‘me-tooing’ frames you chasing and destroys attraction.
It’s also emotionally needy.

So instead of saying ‘me too’, imply similarity.
Bonus points if you also display higher value while displaying similarity:

The left column CHASES connection.
The right column sub-communicates similarity without chasing, and while dispalying higher vlaue.

8. Good Men Who Must Learn to Spot Toxic People

Unfortunately the ‘PG approach’ without manipulation dynamics is most harmful to good men.

After all, toxic people and ‘takers‘ aren’t going to stop just because you prefer a simple happy life.
If anything, naivete makes you a bigger target.

As we say here:

Lambs hoping there are no wolves play against the odds.
Wolves search for lambs

TPM quote

Also read:

• Naive self-help that sets you up for failure
• Dating red flags of women you must avoid
• Spotting the takers that make you worse off
• Self-defense strategies and techniques

Vanessa & Lucio: Comparison

If you’re still wondering whether Vanessa’s social skills angle is good for you, this table helps you decide:

Or see picture here.

FAQ

Vanessa Review

Vanessa Van Edwards is a masterful teacher of social skills and body language, inspiring women and socially anxious individuals to shine.

While her approach excels for many, ambitious men seeking dominance in high-stakes environments need more assertive, power-driven strategies.

That’s where Power University comes in—a comprehensive course designed to equip you with the tools to navigate complex social dynamics, outmaneuver manipulators, and command respect.

Discover how to elevate your influence and achieve your goals with Power University’s proven framework.

Learn More

• Socially confident behavior
• High-power speaking
• Power University, for the full one-stop course