How to Be a 3% Man is Corey Wayne’s book on how to understand and attract women.
I find it very good for most average men as it covers most of the basics.
The more advanced students of social arts and social dynamics on the other hand might find a few blemishes here and there.
- Be a confident man who has his own mission in life, a mission which goes beyond women
- Don’t be an open book and don’t talk all the times: it’s a fact that women prefer a mystery
- Let her chase for a relationship
In “How to Be a 3 Percent Man” Corey Wayne uses a lot of personal stories to make his point.
I found them to be all very interesting and they all help to make it a very good and entertaining book, but I will skip them in this summary.
Be a High Quality Man to Find High Quality Partner
The main thing I really liked about Corey Wayne is his focus on being a genuine, straightforward man.
His main aim is to be a high quality man to find a high quality woman. I couldn’t agree more with that.
By the same token, he exhorts readers, also through stories, to stay away from low quality women.
Refuse Devious & Dishonest Partner
He says that women sometimes learn to be dishonest from their parents, and that much is true.
- How to prevent cheating
- Why people cheat
- Emotional infidelity: what is it and how it happens
- How to pick a loyal partner
I like to summarize it in this way:
How To Be a 3% Man
This quote, modified by me for brevity, goes at the core what being a 3% man means to Corey Wayne:
Women love a guy that is his own man despite what others think of him. A confident who goes for what he wants in life without fear. A man that is centered, in control of himself, who has purpose, and knows where he is going.Corey Wayne, How to Be a 3% Man
A woman wants a man she can’t have her way with, and no matter what she says or does, she is not going to be able to sway him from his path or from his purpose in life.
A true Alpha Male, a man who goes for what he wants and has positive expectations that he will achieve his goals, will choose his purpose and his passion over a woman if faced with the choice. Masculine energy, after all, is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking thru barriers, achieving goals, etc.
Find Your Masculine Energy
Corey Wayne says that masculine energy is:
Masculine energy is about drive, purpose, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, overcoming obstacles, and achieving goals.Corey Wayne
For Wayne that also means that if he must decide between her and following his mission, he will choose his mission.
And that’s what, he says, women find appealing.
Women Will Test You
Corey Wayne says that women will test you.
They will want to test you and push you to see whether you will cave in and show the strength that they wish you have.
Corey Wayne shares a lot of examples from his dating stories in How to Be a 3 Percent Man.
For example a girl called him before his date and said she had to do grocery shopping before their date. But Wayne told her he was going to be there at 7pm and expected her to be there. When she said “I might not be here” he said “then I’ll take your mother out”, which I thought was pretty funny :).
Treat Her Like a Lover
How do you treat her like a lover?
While nice guys never make a move, the lover knows that the purpose of a date is to have fun, relax and, eventually, lead to sex.
That’s why they plan their dates in a way that is most likely to be conducive to sex.
There shall be no group dates before sex, no lunches and no movies. The idea of a date is to bond together.
Real Life Applications
Most of “How to Be a 3 Percent Man” is highly applicable information to dating and romance.
A couple of ideas I really liked:
Write Down Your Ideal Woman
Write down, in minute details, how your ideal woman looks like and how her personality is like.
Then write a letter to this person telling her exactly what you adore about her, as if she is already in your life.
There is much I liked in How to Be a 3% Man, but also quite a few things I disagree with, including:
- How can chasing be feminine?
Corey Wayne says that chasing is the very act of submissive women and that’s why men who chase are not successful.
Yet, to me, that’s a failure of understanding the basics of dating. Submissive women don’t really take much action themselves. And the dating marketplace dynamics are pretty clear: women are the demand and men are the offer. For the most part, it’s men who chase.
Chasing is NOT a submissive feminine quality.
- Lean Back, Spread Out, Say Nothing.. Is It Best Strategy?
With his number and detail orientation, Corey Wayne says that you should sit back, spread out and let women talk 78% of the time while you stay mysterious, say as little as possible and never show your hand.
To me that’s a rather typical generalization and alpha male posturing that fails to understand some basic dynamics of dating.
The basic dynamic is that women will not chase men who show zero interest in them. Leaning back and contributing as little possible is at high risk of showing women that you don’t want them, and they might easily write you off.
Much better in my opinion is to give something to keep her interest. Don’t lean back but lean in if she does the same. Don’t do your best to avoid talking but contribute and reward her for sharing and qualifying herself.
- Black & White Approach
The author has a very black and white view of men and women, in many ways not too dissimilar from Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and Deida’s The Way of The Superior Man, which indeed he references.
However, as it’s often the case, reality is more complex than “men are rational”, “women are emotional”.
And that’s what was missing here: the fine details that make you go from good to great.
- Women Have Different Values: No Empty Patriotism
Corey Wayne dedicates his book to “American soldiers”, which to me always seems petty.
But still, fine.
Later one he makes an example that masculine means going to war to defend family -you don’t go to war to defend the family these days- and country and she is more attracted to him because he was willing to sacrifice his life for the country (and for the family). I very much disagree with that. Women are practical. Men’s ideals matter little to women, and “patriotism” is the epitome of the typical male ideal, but not women’s ideal.
- Men Biologically Programmed to Mate With Dominant Women?
Wayne says that men and women are biologically programmed to mate with the most dominant member of the opposite sex.
But it’s not actually true that men seek the most dominant alpha female. Men seek women who are more submissive than they are. Some men like women around their value of submissiveness while some other men like much more submissive women.
But almost all men prefer more submissive women.
- Alpha Males Set Definite Dates?
Sometimes I feel like Wayne is a bit stuck in the mindset of “be alpha, be alpha, be alpha”.
When he says to take up space for example, or to lean back or to tell women what to do.
But I also feel that can come across as insecure sometimes because it’s exactly the most insecure people who swing in the opposite direction to cover up their insecurities.
For example he says that alpha males tell women where and were to meet in exact terms, without needing confirmation. Yet I feel that’s bogus and self-defeating because confirming reduces flakes. When you can write on the same day telling her the exact spot where you will meet it serves as a powerful reminder and much needed confirmation -also read how to text flaky girls and how to text-.
- Alpha Males don’t Double Check Her Number is Correct?
Similar to the above, I feel that Wayne is too focused on appearing alpha rather than doing what works.
When he said you should not double check her number is correct, I think he meant you should not look like you are afraid she gave you the wrong number on purpose, which makes sense. yet if you had a great connection it makes no sense to suspect she would give you a wrong number and it makes sense to double check it’s correct, I always call her right there and then to confirm and to let the save my number.
- Some Random Psychoanalysis Blabbering
There is random psychoanalysis sometimes.
I feel the author has a good self-awareness on how his parenting affected him, but I also feel he is not correct when he says that not hearing “I love you” makes children insecure. More than insecure, there is tendency to make them feel approval-seeking, which is different (also read Will I Ever Be Good Enough).
I listed a lost of cons, but there is also much that I liked from “How to Be a 3 Percent Man”, including:
Healthy Approach to Relationships
For the most part, Corey Wayne espouses a healthy approach to relationships.
He stresses the importance of caring, being present and attuned, loving each other and helping each other grow.
However, it’s also too keep his mind that Wayne’s approach is more for relationships rather than for womanizers.
Holistic Approach to Seduction
Corey Wayne say that an attractive men is attractive to all women and what works with X woman is most likely to work with Y women as well. Despite the growing popularity of my article on how to sleep with Thai girls, that’s something I also deeply believe in.
Good Take on Vulnerability
As I said before, I feel Corey Wayne pushes too much the envelope on “being as alpha as possible”, but I also liked his take on “not showing too much vulnerability” as that’s not attractive at all. Especially early on. Also read Vulnerability is Not Powerful.
However, I prefer Wayne’s work to Mark Manson’ as it’s more technical. And I also prefer him to many other manosphere author who sometimes end up being too bitter towards women.
This is not to say that “How to Be a 3% Man” is spotless. I personally found quite a few imperfections -check the “cons” section-, but it’s good enough that most “normal” guys will learn hugely.
And for most normal people, tat’s all they need to go from 20% to 70-80% and be fine.