Fuck Him is a book aimed at female readers who want to take control of their dating lives -and of the men in their dating lives-.
It’s brief and to the point with some good insights and some heard before content.
- Bullet Summary
- Fuck Him Summary
- Real Life Applications
- Fuck Him: Review
- Let him invest in you: he’ll like you more and you filter out the bad guys
- Don’t have sex with him too early: build emotional connection first
- Never nag, let him come to you by withdrawing and praising good behavior
Fuck Him Summary
Fuck Him is not meant to be applied literally, but refers to mental fucking.
Nice Girls Traits
Brian & Brian say the personal traits of the good girls are:
- Quickly believe she has found “the one”
- Treats him like a king (but he doesn’t treat her like a princess)
- Lets him in charge of everything
High-Value Woman Traits
- Wants a relationship but is happy to stay single if nobody matches up
- Is kind but has strong boundaries she enforces
- Let him invest in her
- Never makes him the epicenter of his life
- Doesn’t play games
I particularly appreciated the authors say she brings her best but also expect him to do the same.
For a more in-depth analysis of high-value women read:
I liked that Brian & Brian say the high-value woman is honest and sincere.
Low value women play plenty of games with men.
But the high value woman does not play games. She doesn’t pretend busy, she really is busy.
And the authors say that high-quality men appreciate that “no-BS” attitude.
Brian & Brian say there are two rules to mental fucking:
- Don’t have sex too soon
- Mentally fuck him ASAP
You are more than your body, and similarly to Hussey in Get The Guy the authors recommend you should build an emotional connection first.
Mentally fucking him means you behave unlike most other women.
Set Good Habits Early
The authors say it’s a common mistake of women to let something slip early on with the hope he’ll change later on.
I agree with it, also because he would feel like you’re changing for the worst.
Which is particularly dangerous during the shift from passionate love to compassionate love (check Modern Romance).
When He Plays With You
The authors focus on a few games even the good guys sometimes play:
- Say He’ll Call, Then Doesn’t
- Being aloof
- Saying “I’m not ready for a relationship”
Pretend nothing happened, don’t chase and give him space instead.
Let Him Wait
The authors say that when you give sex too soon men will think that’s what you do with all the other guys (Madonna/whore dichotomy).
I believe thought that it’s difficult to make a catch-all rule.
Sex depends a lot with what guys you’re dealing with and the environment you’re dating in.
Why He Needs To Put In Effort
The authors say you should have your man put time and effort in you.
It will screen out the players and he will get used to staying on good behavior.
Same concept as Dale Carnegie propose in How to Win Friend and Influence People, the author say you must make your man willing to do something.
Instead of yelling and nagging, let him believe it was his own decision.
What I liked a lot though is that the authors say that if you’re always trying to change his opinions on very important subjects, then maybe he’s not the right man for you.
Indeed, as I also explain in my how to make him value more guide.
I particularly liked this part, which sets “Fuck Him” apart from a lot of other popular “tell it like it is women’s dating books”.
The authors say two high value people behave like a team in a relationship.
It’s not a win-lose or lose-win, but both make concessions and stay in equilibrium.
A win-win relationship is indeed, as Covey explains in the 7 Habits of Effective People, the only possible set-up for great relationships.
Great First Impressions
The authors say great first impressions are key because we will then filter out anything else via the first impression we have.
Brian and Brian take the example of high value people in networking events.
They say hi to everyone and then circle back to the ones they found worthy.
Self respect means you don’t accept disrespect and you don’t change your beliefs, opinion and behavior for anyone.
That’s a trait of a high value woman.
Keeping A Great Guy
The authors also deal with how to keep healthy relationships.
A part I really liked is that men need some praise from the most important woman in their life (ie.: you).
Is He For Real?
Brian & Brian says that, in a nutshell, women look for commitment and men look for sex.
Some keep bugging their partners to make sure they’re still fully committed.
But high value women know that perfect security doesn’t exist and use their emotional intelligence to live without any constant confirmation.
I particularly loved how the authors apply the hierarchy of needs to a relationship and how you can use it.
Real Life Applications
Great Relationships are Win-Win
Beyond all the games, never forget this one. Avoid Combative Relationships at all costs.
Praise Him For His Successes
Remember to praise him for his successes. Lots of them, he does it for you.
The authors often digress on not highly relevant topics. Evolutionary Psychology, Operant Conditioning, Maslow’s hierarchy and even a few pages explaining what’s a Ponzi Scheme -probably too much for a book on dating and relationships-.
The authors are very on point explaining why women are attracted to bad boys. But then say “well sculpted” guys actually have low self esteem , as if if the two categories were the same. Then they throw narcissists in the mix as well.
Those categories are not exactly the same though.
You Need To Be Less Invested
Most women’s dating book say he should invest in you as much as possible. I believe though that overdoing it is a common mistake of low quality women. The best approach is to raise his investment in parallel with yours. That’s a win-win relationship. Check get high quality men with mutual investment and why you shouldn’t him wait for sex.
Honesty for Solid Relationship
I like that Fuck Him, at the end of the day, actually recommends honesty. As simple as it sounds, it’s really the best medicine.
Short and to The Point
It’s short and to the point.
Fuck Him: Review
At times, the “overlap” felt a bit too much for comfort in my opinion and I wish some credit was given.
Otherwise, I like that Fuck Him mixes the “mind-fuck part” with honesty and values.
Honesty and values will make for a stronger relationship as a team, which indeed the authors also represent as the ideal type of relationship.