Why Men Love Bitches (2002) is a dating book for women promoting dating strategies based on emotional and financial independence, female power, and some potentially manipulative dating games.

TPM Strategic Audit: We analyze Argov’s to provide strategic awareness on female dating strategies, potential manipulation tactics, and dating red flags. It’s essential knowledge for high-value men in order to vet for quality women and make decisions that are good for both.

Quick Review

High-quality men love high-quality women. As simple as that.

Why Men Love Bitches advocates for a ‘me-first’, assertive way of dating, but the problem is that overly assertive women tend to date poorly.

The ‘bitch’ is:

• Independent
• “not needing a man” and
• High power

The type of woman who’d proudly sing “I can buy myself flowers”.

And power is good: this website is all about power and personal empowerment.

However, when it comes to dating effectiveness, things are not as straightforward.
Power is almost always good for men, but research shows that power for women comes with important costs (unless she’s very astute in wielding it).

And that’s especially true in dating.

In dating, high-power women tend to repel many high-power and successful men and only retain lower-value and more submissive men.

So while some power is good for displaying some value, too much power backfires.
Generally speaking, female power above a certain threshold reduces her options.

A book for women who are WAY too nice (only)

Here’s the issue:

Why Men Love Bitches doesn’t provide dating advice that works for all, or even most, women.

As a matter of fact, I’d say that Why Men Love Bitches is only suited for a specific subset of overly submissive, overly naive women.

As the subtitle of the book suggests, such as “from doormat to dreamgirls”, Why Men Love Bitches is best suited for women who are “too nice”.

But it is not a very effective strategy for the majority of women because women maximize their sexual market value at lower levels of power than men:

Just as a quick example, take availability.

Argov recommends being more on the unavailable end.

However, contrary to the book’s advice research shows that available women are actually more attractive to men (Birnbaum et al., 2013).
Of course, any single research isn’t the end-all-be-all. And you don’t want to be too available to the point where it feels like you have no life whatsoever. That would be too much and decrease your value.

But the point remains: “be unavailable to display power” is not good general advice.

Not A Book For Win-Win Relationships

Another issue with the book is that it focuses on dating power dynamics and relationship control.

That means that Why Men Love Bitches is less suited for win-win, supportive relationships.

The risk of going into the “bitch” way of dating is the same as for toxic masculinity.
And it’s that one starts seeing relationships as zero-sum games where only one partner can win, and only if the other loses (a mindset leading to combative relationships).

Finally, it’s not effective with high-quality men, since high-quality men tend to be leaders, successful, and high in dominance.
And successful men rarely enjoy an overpowering woman who plays games and seeks to lead and control the dating process.

Also, read the foundational law of balance article and as it applies to dating:

What I Liked

There are some good insights in Why Men Love Bitches.

Albeit not a psychologist, the author has an intuitive grasp of power dynamics, which makes some of her analyses very on point.

Her analysis on nagging for example, was very insightful.
She says nagging reassures men that she cares and he ‘has her’. It’s true, although the author missed on the power of nagging.

Potentially good advice in the right doses include:

1. Love yourself and your life first (or you become dependent on him)
2. Control the pace of the relationship, and keep it slow (or you go too fast and burn out)
3. Let him come to you <— There are exceptions to this
4. Never make him feel like he “has you” (or he will lose interest) <— Potentially trapping you to play game for the whole relationship

The last one can backfire.

Many men prefer women who become “his” -and many high-power men would only date seriously women who become “his”-.

The overall message is “be strong, be independent, and he will fall for you”.
You can read more techniques in:

• How to make him value more: the “game-playing way”
• How to make him chase you: the healthier way

And, finally:

• How to make him go crazy: the sexual side of female dating strategies

What’s Wrong

The main issue with Why Men Love Bitches is simple:

1. Feminine Women Date Better Than Bitches

Generally speaking:

Feminine women who love, support, and even display slight submissiveness to a high-quality man date better than high-power women.

Power, strength, and independence in a woman follow the law of optimum balance: you need some of it to avoid being a total pushover that only attracts losers.
But if you have too much of it, most men are turned off -including successful men-.

And power for female dating has a low threshold point: it’s easy to overdo it.

Here’s that “optimum balance” in chart terms:

In brief and put it bluntly: high-power women are less attractive and have fewer opportunities.

2. The “Men VS Women” Approach Is Ineffective With High-Quality Men

The “men VS women” frame sells but doesn’t work.

That approach leads to poor relationships and, potentially, to toxic relationships.

This is exactly what happened to this reviewer, who started applying the advice in her relationship:

Combative advice makes for combative relationships. It’s that simple.

Unluckily, this is common in the dating advice industry.
The same happens in many dating books for men.
These books end up being misogynists because they frame dating and relationships as battles to be won (see the review of “The Rational Male” for more).

I expect my relationships -and my partners- to seek mutual support and caring.
Because if not, why being a relationship at all?
That’s what high-quality men and high-quality women seek.
And that’s why focusing on power and control only lands you poor-quality men and women.

After all, why should a man with options be in a relationship with an uncollaborative woman who engages in manipulative games?

High-quality men with options demand partners who add value to their lives. These men are often busy building, acquiring power and influence, and they prefer a supportive woman to help them along their journey.
And if instead of adding value their partner focuses on playing games, they will drop her.

That’s why I advise women (and men) to drop win-lose mindsets and nasty power moves:

3. Traditional Family Men Want Supportive Women, Not Bitches

Traditional family men want a wife who supports them.

And guess what: most men who want a happy marriage are traditional.

You may not like Trump, but he’s a prototypical “alpha male type”.
Listen to what he says about his divorce from Ivana:

Trump: Putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing.
(…)
That was the single greatest cause of what happened to our marriage
(…)
Her softness disappeared. There was a great softness to Ivana
(…)
She became an executive, not a wife

There you have it.
Trump wanted a good support woman, not an independent bitch.
And I guarantee you that many men are like that.

4. Don’t Learn Happy Relationships From Singles

DeMarco calls it the “paradox of practice”.

In brief, the paradox of practice means to “sell advice that the author herself hasn’t used to succeed”.

Argov also wrote “Why Men Marry Bitches“, but as a cautious reader, you may want to ask yourself if Argov or other practitioners of “bitch dating” are in a happy relationship.

I don’t know about Sherry Argov’s personal relationships, but as the learner who wants to maximize her options you should definitely ask yourself:

Are the women promoting and practicing Why Men Love Bitches advice dating high-quality men? 

OR…

Are they mostly single & bitter, or in a relationship with a doormat?

From what I’ve seen, some of these women promoting the “bitches” advice are either:

1. Selling, without making sure the material works
2. Deceiving the competition for personal gains
3. Justify their choices with a convenient narrative to reframe their loneliness

However, it’s not a case of “everyone’s bad”.
Some are honestly clueless.
And some others have been victims of less-than-ideal men.

So this is not necessarily an attack on many women who instead deserve understanding -or compassion-.

Some women got into this type of mindset and advice after they dated assholes, avoidant men, sociopaths, narcissists, and the male equivalent of bitches.

So it’s understandable.

Still, it doesn’t mean this advice works.

5. Poor Approach To Date Higher Quality Men

The “bitch” of the book seems quite a game player.

And that doesn’t work well with high-quality men with options and competing interests.

Example from the author in a private video:

Woman: (plays games)
Men: (falls out of love)

I usually recommend high-quality women who seek high-quality men and who want high-quality relationships to date differently.
You must plant the seeds for a high-quality relationship.

And a high-quality relationship demands mutual support, which starts with dating.

You can also read:

• Mutual escalation to date high-quality men
• Most common dating mistakes for women

You can also see one real-life example here.

I found instead the bitch of Why Men Love Bitches advice being more on the bellicose end rather than on the “we’re in this together”.

5.2. Making Him Chase and Invest Is Good… But Harmful When She Overdoes It

Sherry Argov recommends women make him invest in them.

That’s common advice in the dating literature for women and there is some evidence to confirm that it works.

For example, studies show that givers feel more committed to the recipient after giving.
So a man doting and investing in her will like the woman more.
In that sense, Why Men Love Bitches is right.

Yet, whether that technique works or backfires, depends highly on the environment you are dating in, and the type of man you are dating.

But, generally speaking, you don’t want to try too hard to make him chase.

Why Not?

Because today there are more high-quality women than men, which gives men an advantage in general.
And that’s even more true for high-quality men.

Asking for big investments upfront drives away the men who have the most options -and those are the ones whom ideally you want to get-.

Just look at this real-life example:

She dates like a “bitch”.
If I have other options why should I want to date her beside a sexual thing? No self-respecting man would pick her for a relationship

That’s why I say that this approach of “dating like a high-powered bitch” who makes men chase and invest works great… For average and below-average men.

If you don’t believe me, there are studies showing that men prefer kind women. And especially so for long-term relationships.

I recommend you take a look at “why dating for successful women is harder (and what they can do about it)”.

This is especially true if she is not well versed in asking without giving back in equal amounts.
When she dates with “getting as much as possible” in mind, it’s very easy looking like a low-quality woman.
Discerning men who are attuned to social dynamics will never be OK with giving and giving without anything in return (and again, those are ideally the men she wants).

This is why, overall, I cannot fully agree with Why Men Love Bitches without adding a few caveats.

5.3. Letting Him Wait For Sex Can Backfire If It Feels Like A Game

Sherry Argov seems to recommend that she lets him wait for sex.

And, again, there are plenty of reasons why that’s a good idea, including the male’s ingrained mindset of dividing women along the “Madonna-whore dichotomy“.

For the exceptions also check out:

• Should you make him wait for sex?
• Dating rules and exceptions

And for the techniques on how to actually delay sex, check:

• How to delay sex (and enhance the relationship)

6. You Lose Out In Relationships

I’ve dated my fair share of women who either:

• Speak straight, including admitted they needed time/attention
• Play games, including hiding their need for time and attention

And that’s a major problem for “bitches” in relationships with high-quality men who demand and expect straight talk.

It does show you’re playing games, and he’ll lose respect and attraction.

Real-life example:

She hid her feelings to look “strong”, and ruined the relationship for it (for both)

This woman acted like Argov’s “bitch” who “doesn’t need him”.

But it wasn’t her true and honest self.
So she put up a fake persona and never spoke straight about her needs and wants.

Instead, she played the game.

For a long time.
She pretended she didn’t need much contact, and refrained from contacting me when she wanted to talk.

And this is among a slew of other “power games” that align with the “ideal bitch”.
For example, whenever I couldn’t pick up the phone, she also withdrew and avoided sending good night wishes.
She never spoke up that she felt spurned when I couldn’t pick up -or that she’d expect a call back, something I could have agreed with-.

But of course, I teach this stuff, and I knew what was up.

Anyway, back to her “need for attention” that she hid.
That was also the straw that broke the camel’s back.

She suffered (in silence) for as long she could.

And when she finally spoke up, it was too late.
I had lost a lot of respect for her and that was the last straw.
I lost respect for her for playing games for so long. For not (having the courage to) speak straight and early. And for playing a game of power instead of the game of partnership and making it work together that I expected -and clearly told her multiple times-.

What’s sad is that, generally, she’s actually a very good person.

But by the time we reached that point, I had to come to the conclusion that she too into the (sneaky) game of power, than a partnership.

At that point, I didn’t believe anymore a good relationship with her was even possible.

No matter how good a person, is, if she can’t put that good to work WITH you, it’s useless.

7. No, Men Don’t Love Bitches

When reviewing “Why Men Love Bitches”, the ultimate question is:

Do men love bitches?

The short answer is: no, most men don’t love bitches.

And it’s ESPECIALLY men looking for a committed relationship who dislike bitches.

Much of the modern attrition you see online between genders is men’s reaction to women who claim they don’t need a man.

Of course, as for everything, there are exceptions.

A minority of power-hungry men can be motivated to pursue the bitch.
Those men are turned on by the quest to control, domesticate, and dominate the independent bitch.

However, that’s NOT a healthy dynamic to set off.
One, it’s high in games and manipulation.
And two, those men lose interest once they get her.
So the bitch would condemn herself to a lifetime of constant aloofness and distance, becoming in a way a bit of an emotionally unavailable (wo)man.

Most men though will never go for a bitch because they prefer women who are easier to get along with.
These are usually also the mentally healthiest men and men with a secure attachment style.

This isn’t just my opinion, my personal experience, and my observation of the men around me, but several studies support this view.
You can read more in “submissive VS strong women” and “are men intimidated by strong and independent women?“.

With some other men, it’s best to make them feel like they have you and they protect you and take care of you.
Sherry Argov mentions this, albeit at times as a manipulative tactic for getting what she wants.

This is the type of man and relationship that Steve Harvey describes in his bestseller Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.
See an example here:

And read the full description here:

• How to make men want to invest and protect using selective submissiveness

In summary:
yes, some men are attracted to independent bitches because they want to tame and dominate them.
However, that’s a short-term attractor only, and if the “struggle for power” continues only submissive men are going to stay after sex.
Ultimately, the dating market for more submissive and feminine women is larger and with more high-quality men than the dating market for the bitches.

Smart Women Agree

If you don’t wanna take my word as a man, then listen to a woman teaching class and feminity.

Anna Bey, a former matchmaker who understands dating dynamics says it perfectly well:

Anna Bey: If you are going to be incredibly cold and rigid just not to be a “pick me woman”, you might actually end up attracting a very submissive type of guy who loves being bossed around by a woman

Who Should Read It: Too Nice Girls

Why Men Love Bitches can be a great wake-up call for certain types of women.

For example, it can be good for “women who love too much“, women who are too nice, fall in love too quickly or get too clingy.
For these women, it can be a much-needed wake-up call.

In that sense, it’s a bit like the equivalent of the red pill for men, and the corresponding book for men would be “No More Mr. Nice Guy“.

For example, I once had a girl who used to drop gifts in my postbox.

She once came to bring a gift after I shared some negative news, and I couldn’t even let her come in because… There was another woman at my place.

I have never felt more guilty in my dating life than on that evening. But my guilt didn’t improve her lot. She should have learned to be a bit ‘bitchier’ maybe.

On the other hand, I must say that if “too nice girls” can pick men who appreciate them, they’ll have great relationships.
Case in point: the girl who dropped gifts in my letterbox is now in a long-term, happy relationship :).

Review

Why Men Love Bitches transfers some feminist values of independence and self-efficacy to dating.

However, there’s a contradictory undertone to the message if the ultimate goal is to get a man and be loved.

And therein lies a major issue if the book: if readers want to date well, this approach isn’t the most effective.
Especially for women who want a long-term, high-value partner.

Still, I enjoyed Why Men Love Bitches.
There is some overlap with this website.
It was one of the earlier books to bring some power dynamics into dating for women. However, our advice is to use that knowledge to develop more genuine and collaborative relationships.

Also, check out:

• Best dating books for women

Get the book on Amazon

Why Men Love Bitches: Lucio's Take

A great resources on dating and relationship power dynamics.

URL: https://thepowermoves.com/why-men-love-bitches-book-review/

Author: Lucio Buffalmano

Editor's Rating:
1.8