Get the guy by Matthew Hussey is a book on meeting a great guy and building a lasting relationship with him.
- Bullet Summary
- Full Summary
- Part I: Find the Guy
- Put the Odds in Your Favor
- Social Life Serving Love Life
- Being a Woman of High Value
- Approach Men
- Part II: Get The Guy
- Formula of Attraction
- Sex Talk
- Why Hasn’t he Called?
- Part III: Keep The Guy
- How to Be The Woman of His Dreams
- Is he Mr Right?
- If You Want him to Commit
- Chapter 21: Love for Life
- You finding the guy with a mix of pro-activeness and high value
- You get the guy with challenge, value and connection (+ visual chemistry)
- You keep the guy marrying high value qualities with male needs
Matthew Hussey begins by saying he’s qualified to teach women how to get guys because he’s spent years coaching men in dating and he knows how men think.
Part I: Find the Guy
Put the Odds in Your Favor
Hussey says most women meet too few guys.
They think it will somehow just happen, or that if it’s meant to be the right guy will just somehow materialize.
He urges to drop that mentality, build a lifestyle where you meet tons of new men and give as many men as possible a chance!
Social Life Serving Love Life
Matthew Hussey advises an old technique around the social improvement field: says yes every time, to every invite (Contrary to what Vanessa recommends in Captivate).
On “how to work a room” Matthew suggests to stop and stand when you enter into new venues. Take in the environment, see and let yourself be seen.
That author tells a story of a club owner he met and suggests you should adopt the “owner mentality”.
The owner story is popular in men’s dating advise. I don’t it’s a good strategy for a woman: it’s too overbearing.
Being a Woman of High Value
Hussey says that getting the guy starts with yourself. As much as you’re looking for a man of high value, men are looking for women of high value too.
The author concedes that “high value” is relative, but certain traits are fixed. These traits are:
Hussey says that a high value woman is confident in her own value and knows what she wants. She is also confident in making her needs clear when they’re not being met and is able to walk away from relationships that do not fulfill her.
She is unaffected by superficial things and is neither intimidated nor overly impressed by looks, money or high status.
True, but don’t overdo it. Like Harvey says in Act Like a Lady, many “strong, independent women are also lonely”.
On the other hand, the author says, low confidence and uncertain women are doing things to please others. A confident man will lose interest in an uncertain woman, and men can always sense when a woman is uncertain about herself.
This would be the “nice girl” of Why Men Love Bitches (read: better strong woman or submissive woman?). One note here: well placed insecurities can push the “need to protect her” button in a man.
Matthew Hussey says that one of the biggest misconception about men and how they think shines through when women say “if he really liked me he would have come and talked to me“.
He says the more he likes you, the harder it is for him. Indeed, the guys who are most likely to approach you, are also more likely to approach a lot of women, and they’re probably only 1% of the male population.
How to Approach
Matthew Hussey describes a few ways a woman can start a conversation.
He says you should look at the guy first, maybe for half a second, and then smile the second time you look at him.
Then make it easier for him to talk to you by getting closer to him.
Matthew has a terrific piece of advise when he says that woman should never be easy, but the first ten seconds of a conversation, be easy. Give him a chance.
Asking for a favor
You can start a convo asking for a favor, which also plays on the man’s ego and makes him feel like a man.
“Pass the Test”
Ask a question (for example: what type of drink you should order). Then depending on his reply either say “great you passed the test” or “oh that’s a pity, it would never work between us“. The author says he will automatically think “yes it can work and I will prove it to you“.
This is another typical man’s pick up technique. The risk is that the guy will see what you’re up to, know that you’re into him and label you as a big of a game player.
Seed the Date
Matthew Hussey says that you don’t really ask for a date, but seed the idea. For examples you could say
“All the guys I know keep telling to try (name of popular restaurant)”.
When he says he hasn’t tried it, say you’re the only two who haven’t been there yet and you should go.
When you’re leaving then you say something like “hey, I gotta go, lemme leave you my number and maybe we can do something sometime“.
Part II: Get The Guy
Formula of Attraction
Matthew Hussey says the ultimate formula of attraction is composed of visual chemistry + perceived challenge + perceived value + connection.
Playing Hard to Get
Matthew Hussey says that playing hard to get is a terrible strategy long term. Pretending to be always too busy or too aloof will only get chasing you the most undiscerning type of men.
My Note: God I agree here and I’m glad he says it. Read how to get high quality men with mutual escalation.
Matthew Hussey says that waiting X dates before having sex takes your focus into game playing and away from the most important thing: building a connection.
Sex should happen when you make an emotional connection.
The author says that waiting too long is also a mistake because he will feel like he’s not important to you sexually. And men do get their validation through sex.
My Note: couldn’t agree more. Hussey is one of the few authors to nail this point. Also read why you should not let him wait for sex.
How to Spot “Only for Sex Guys”
Hussey says that if gets too emotional or persistent when you deny sex, you shouldn’t date him again.
Matthew Hussey says that a guy doesn’t mind waiting for sex if you do it in a tactful way. For example if he calls you late at night for a booty call, you deny but there’s no point in “punishing”. What you do instead is to suggest an alternative.
My Note: again I fully agree. Also read: how to reject sex.
Why Hasn’t he Called?
Matthew Hussey says that some misconceptions the guy hasn’t called yet is because he’s intimidated, because he doesn’t want commitment or because he’s only after sex.
The real reasons, Hussey say, are that she was one of these:
- too nice and no challenge
- too aggressive
- too desperate
- trying too hard to impress
- too negative
- no chemistry
My Note: I disagree with the ” too nice and no challenge”: he would still want to have sex with you.
Part III: Keep The Guy
How to Be The Woman of His Dreams
Matthew Hussey says that your man should know that you derive complete sexual satisfaction with him.
Hussey says that you should make your man feel unique, that you would choose him no matter what.
Matthew says you should make the man feel like you need him. Being independent is what makes a woman a high value woman, but not giving him any chance to add value or help you emasculates him.
Cheer Him Up
The author says that supporting him and making him feel like you believe in him is another central part in keeping a guy happy.
Is he Mr Right?
Matthew says that two values are the most important in guaranteeing a long term relationship:
- team work
If you don’t have these two values you don’t have much long term potentials. If you have these two in common, you can overcome difficulties and differences.
If You Want him to Commit
The author says that extraordinary don’t just attract extraordinary, but also keeps extraordinary.
And then adds that you should be careful to over-commit and give too much too soon.
The Girl that Made the Author Commit
Matthew gives a funny and great example of him telling a girl he wasn’t going to commit. Little did he know, not long after he did commit. How did she do it? She kept cool when he said he wasn’t feeling like being in a relationship. Then she lowered him in the list of priorities, but STILL was great when they were together. That made the trick.
Chapter 21: Love for Life
I invite you to read the book for this final chapter.
Unique Point of View
Of all the authors in the women’s dating literature space, Hussey is probably the most original.
I believe a big reason why is that he comes from men’s dating space, and he beings a lot of ideas from there that were not previously present in the women’s dating literature.
That’s a plus, but also a con (read below).
The author has many many great insights that many other authors -especially female ones- don’t have. For example, many female writers fail to stress that you should reject his sexual advances tactfully.
Or that for most guys, being single means having little sex actually :).
Cheesy – Game-y
The book is not overall cheesy, but some parts are (bit reminiscent of of The Game).
Some men will see you like them but are hiding behind games.
Made for Men
Some of the advise is man dating advice swapping “she” with “him”. And sometimes that’s not ideal.
Some of Hussey’s suggestion to be a challenge can start a silent battle dynamic. For example he suggests to tell the guy he’s so lucky to be with her. That’s not good because it starts a “who’s lucky/better” dynamic (check: 4 communication mistakes men do in relationships and combative relationships).
Video Bonuses Up-Sell
There’s quite some up-selling in the book.
Overall solid content, lots of great information.
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