This article’s core notion is that “red pill communities” are best seen as phase in men’s development.

While “red pill” is sometimes used for “seeing the truth”, this article refers to some tendencies and subsets of red pill communities and gurus .

And to reach the best version of yourself, you must eventually move beyond the limitations of those communities and gurus.

So let’s start:

Attitudes Towards Women

The views on women are the most significant differentiator between Red Pill men and post-Red Pill men.

TRP: Women Are Bad & Manipulative

At the heart of Red Pill toxicity is the view of intergender relationships as adversarial.

The Red Pill sees women as:

• Morally inferior to men
• Irrational and less intelligent
• Naturally manipulative and conniving
• Acting always and only on self-interest, which never intersects with male interest

This is an example:

Some men joining the Red Pill were victims of Madonna-whore mindset.

Before they used to believe all women were Madonnas.
But then something unexpected happened in their lives, they join the Red Pill, and now they swing in the opposite direction, happy to justify their anger with the “all women are like that” mantra (ie.: “all women are whores”).

They become highly mistrustful of women, and while sometimes mistrust is good, John Gottman’s research showed that protracted mistrust and suspicion of other people’s motives lead to loneliness and early death (mostly common in men).

Alpha Fucks, Beta Is Fucked: A Black-And-White World

Many Red Pill men find “the truth” depressing, yet providing opportunities for those who become “alpha males“.

In black-and-white thinking, it’s either you fuck women by being an alpha, or you get fucked by being a beta.
Of course, “alpha fucks beta bucks” is not wholly wrong.
But the concept, in its extremization, ends up being a distortion of reality.

Read more here:

HIGHER VALUE: Women Pursue Their Self-Interest, Just Like Men Do

High-quality men are not naive.

They know that:

• People manipulate, both women and men
• Interests can diverge: some interests overlap, and others diverge -or may diverge over time-
  • Men and women share both common and diverging goals in dating and reproduction

So we can expect different strategies of intra-sexual and inter-sexual competition, as well as different adaptations for manipulation.
Also say:

• Dating games women play
• Nasty and manipulative games women play
• Women control and “domesticate” men in relationships

However, crucially, these men also believe that:

• Women’s nature doesn’t make them bad
• Many women are amazing and enriching to a man’s life

And, that, of course, the same applies to men -just differently-.

TRP: Women Are All The Same (AWALT)

This mantra suggests that men should stop thinking “their woman is different”.

And many men who believe their woman is special may need to hear that indeed.

Many core psychological traits and propensities are indeed shared among women -and across humans in general-.
However, as usual, some red pill communities take it too far.

And I’ve often seen that “AWALT” attached to some shameful behavior that does NOT extend to all women.

HIGHER VALUE: Most Women Share Many Foundational Traits, And Important Individual Differences

Post-Red Pill men know that there are general and fundamental tendencies in both men and women.

In that sense, “AWALT” applies to any living organism when it refers to all the many underlying similarities.

But they’ve experienced enough to know that women also vary in their tendencies to cheat, take, and manipulate -or to be faithful, giving, and straight-talking-.

They have experienced women who played dread games, who texted them to meet up to celebrate their new “single lives” after they had been hooking up for a month, and women who lied and deceived. 
And they have experienced women who want simple lives, craving for 1:1 attachments and a man to take care of.

As a matter of fact, they worried for those women when they themselves weren’t willing to commit.
Here is one example:

I worried she was too into me and too nice and submissive. Too “good”.
Dropping gifts in my mailbox, preparing dinners, showing up at my door within 20 minutes when I told her I got fired (and while I was having another woman over…).
I wanted to expand her options, increase her negotiation power… Make her more like me. But it’s not what she wanted. She wanted a man to give all her love to. I’m glad she found the right guy for that.

Attitudes Towards Seduction

Some men enter the Red Pill after a heartbreak.

Or following the momentous self-admission that they are not doing well with women.

The Red Pill promises solutions for both, so the sale is easily done.

Let’s see how that turns out.

TRP: Women Love As*holes, Be An Asshole Or Lose

This is what the more toxic Red Pill seduction mindset looks like:

Women chase unavailable assholes and despise betas.
Become an asshole, or lose.

And while there is certainly some truth in that, it’s also a limited view of what works in seduction.

Somewhat correlated is the objectification of women.
For example, red pill guru Rollo Tomassi‘, author of “The Rational Male” book/blog, refers to women one should be dating as “plates”.

See an example here:

Since women are dehumanized, it’s only natural that game in the Red Pill degrades into manipulation.
Enter mind games such as “triangulation” and “dread game”.

Also read:

• Asshole dating strategy
• How to be a “good asshole”

HIGHER VALUE: As*holes Do Better Than Losers, But I Do Better Than Both

Post-red pill men believe that cooperation and win-win are possible.

And that tends to work better in life.
Assholes mostly outperform submissive men and passive doormats. But high-power men who can mix in warmth tend to do best.

Whirlwind romance includes both physical ecstasy and romance, multiplying the effects and the enjoyment.
Example:

This is the type of seduction I’ve preferred, and it’s what misogyny and “asshole game” will never provide.

Also read:

• Smart cooperator: cooperating as a red-pilled man

Masculinity Ideals

What does it mean to be a man?

That’s a major topic of both the manosphere and the Red Pill, where the emphasis is on “being an alpha male“.

Let’s see what it means:

TRP: It’s Either Alpha, Or Useless Beta

And yes, aspiring to “be alpha” in the sense of high status is great.

The issue with the toxic red pill drift is that the rule to being an alpha male is reduce to this:

1. Be a selfish asshole

Some men may indeed need to be more like good assholes -including becoming assertive and high power-.
But the worst Red Pill philosophy is overdoes traits of ass-holishness, and ditch the traits that can make for collaborative relationships (more on it later).

It’s the exact same mistake feminists encourage women to do, by the way.
Women read equivalent books such as “The Power of The Pussy” and “Why Man Love Bitches” with the intention of becoming stronger.
But they often just become angrier, more argumentative, and bitter.

Alpha Males Against Feminazis

Some Red Pill men are misogynists because they feel threatened by women.

In a way, it’s understandable. Empowered women ARE a threat to many (below-average) men. See video explanation here:

But it’s a low-value reaction to complain and be angry about it.
This is what Rollo Tomassi, a popular Red Pill author, writes about women “invading” male spaces:

(…) women are inserting themselves into male space in order to enforce the dictates of feminine social primacy

Rollo Tomassi, Positive Masculinity

“Enforce the dictates of feminine social primacy”?
What does that even mean.

These gurus present an ideal of masculinity that should supposedly stop the “female advances”.

These men look at men and women as monolithic blocks, where a win for one is a win for all. And they invest their ego in the group, a phenomenon of ego-fusion (Swann et al., 2012).
You can see an example here:

Group dynamics encourage this competitive ingroup/outgroup dynamics. And men who don’t conform attacking the “feminine advance” are shamed into compliance.

The group controls individuals with two powerful tools:

• Belonging: abide the rules and you’re one of us, disobey and you’re blue pill
• Shame: abide the rules and you’re alpha male; disobey and you’re beta male blue pill

And of course, the judge yoke of being “good enough” or “not good enough”.
Which is funny because it’s the same tool women use to control men.

It works like this:

You don’t conform to our ideal of masculinity, which includes hating on empowered women? Then you’re not a real (alpha) man.

HIGHER VALUE: I Don’t Mind Labels, It’s All About Achieving or Not Achieving Goals

High-quality men answer with a big “f*ck you” to anyone who tells them what a man ought to be.

They don’t like external impositions because they’re content with themselves.
They don’t need a group to prop up their ego and self-image.

If they meet a successful woman making lots of money they’re not threatened.
If she bench-presses more than they do, still not threatened, because they don’t link their ego to “strength”.

High-quality men are freer and more resilient because they use more flexible guidelines instead of steadfast rules.
They don’t attach their ego to any specific trait.

See this video on high self-esteem:

And, finally, they don’t even try to “fight social trends”.
One, they know it’s useless.
Two, they have better things to do.
Three, they’d rather make the most of those trends, than complain about it.

Attitudes Towards Others

How do the two relate to others?

In diametrically opposed ways:

TRP: Push “Blue Pill Men” Down to Feel Better

There are some social climbing dynamics at play.
“Alpha male” and “Red Pill” are social currencies that afford or remove status within the Red Pill community.

The community, like most other ideology-based groups, is set up to reinforce the beliefs of the community and to prop up the ego of its participants.

People who are not in the Red Pill are blue pill, and inferior.
That makes the members feel “better”, as they can point to someone who is “worse”.

There is also an internal struggle for status, of course.
Since the community’s brownie points are delivered based on adherence to “red-pillness” and “alpha-maleness” values and traits, well… You guessed it, many men are busy proving how alpha and red pill they are.

This leads to social climbing, a common but rather low-status behavior that people adopt in groups.
I specifically addressed manosphere social climbing in “alpha male posturing“.

HIGHER VALUE: I Aim High In Life, Could Use Some Company Up There

High-status men don’t push people down. 

Why should they?
They’re at the top already.

It’s only those in the middle and at the bottom who push others down to climb up. 

Views On Romantic Relationships

Part of the manosphere encourages men to fulfill their “obligations” and care and provide for women and families.

Jordan Peterson for example encourages men to stick with one woman, and the “protector” is also a theme in the classic book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover“.

But the Red Pill is different.
They say commitment only works outside of Western society where “hypergamy” is still under control.

And, again… There is some truth to it.

But of course, the worst of the Red Pill takes it to an extreme, and don’t see the possibility for a happy relationship.

TRP: Relationships Are Adversarial

This is something Rollo Tomassi often repeats.

And for the record, here is what the latest Hoxford Handbook of Evo Psych says:

Despite the often too prevalent perception of a war between the sexes in the social sciences (see special issue of Sex Roles, e.g., Vandermassen, 2011), to a large degree interdependent reproduction promotes cooperation rather than confict (Buss, 2017; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007)

That’s largely correct, albeit higher value men need less relationship-based cooperation and have more power to negotiate on their terms. But let’s keep things simple for now.

And listen to Richard Cooper talk about relationships in his YouTube welcome video:

Cooper: They’re just using him for his money. So? He’s just using them for their beauty

Keyword is “using”.

It makes sense if you remember that some corners of the Red Pill see:

• Intergender relationships as a tug war
• Women are inherently wicked and manipulative
• The playing field stacked against men

So relationships for the Red Pill are naturally hard.

It’s no surprise that this leads to toxic relationships, possibly abusive relationships and, overall, to plainly terrible relationships.

See this example of a man who swallowed the pill and became completely paranoid:

Indeed, even if they want a relationship, it’s difficult to develop one for men schooled in Red Pill communities.
Current Red Pill philosophy stands in contrast to successful relationships.

Furthermore, keep this in mind:

Assholes, bad boys and dark triad manipulators can pick up women, but they can hardly form good relationships.
And, often, struggle with a high-quality woman who have more self-respect -and more options-.

But it’s easier to keep hooked women with self-esteem issues.
This is why some men seek to decrease her self-esteem by lowering her value.
That makes the men feel more in control and decreases the chances she’ll leave or cheat.

Red Pill Relationships and Ego-Threat

A woman leaving for another man is a big blow for anyone.

But it’s particularly destructive for Red Pill men.
For Red Pill men, that would mean that they found “someone more alpha”. Which, in turn, means “they are not alpha enough”.
And since all their ego is built around “being alpha”, they fold like a castle of cards.

See an example here:

See the pattern?
These are all different manifestations of the same fear: that there is someone more alpha out there.

The Folding Alpha: One Example

BTW, I dated a girl once who left her former boyfriend for me.
He’d go old-school alpha male on her, saying “shut up woman” and “go to the kitchen woman”.

When she left him, he went into a tailspin. I actually felt bad for the guy.

HIGHER VALUE: Even If I May Not Want One, Good Relationships Are Possible

High-quality leaders know a few truths about relationships:

• Understanding women is crucial for relationships
• Picking the right woman is crucial for relationships
• A focus on oneself must find a corresponding focus on team-effort
• Relationships, like good negotiations, entail accepting influence as well

Not all high-quality men must want or settle in a relationship, of course.
But if they do, they screen their partner hard and aim for win-win.

From the get-go of dating, they like to see win-win mutual investment. They give, but with the expectation of receiving the same back.
And if they don’t see anything coming back, they are happy to cut ties.

They know people can slip and while they always leave the door open for possible cheating or future breakup, they don’t stress about it.
And they know that, if they picked a good partner, a good chunk of what happens is within their control. 

They tend to be leaders of their relationships, of course.
And good leaders.
And it happens naturally and, most of all, it’s not confrontational leadership because women are happy to elect high-quality men as their leaders.

This is what my girlfriend sent me during our relationship:

Those are not the messages that assholes tend to receive. 

And these are the messages that ex-girlfriends send to men who are value-adding leaders:

This was years after we ended. But positive leaders are rare, and women often miss them.

Of course, needless to say, the collaboration we endorse on this website is smart collaboration!
You must pick the right person to collaborate with (not everyone is), and you must make sure to keep that relationship collaborative.

Also read here:

• The enlightened collaborator

TRP: She’s Not “Yours”, It’s Just Your “Turn” (She’ll Leave You)

One simple video says it all about this:

Rollo Tomassi: She’s not yours, it’s just your turn (implied, she’ll leave you)

This mantra is often true and many men need to be reminded of it.

But only certain types of men need that reminder.

This is typical ceiling-type of advice because only low-value men worry about being left.
And only lower-value men need to be reminded to “not get too attached”.

HIGHER VALUE: I’m Not Hers, But She’s Lucky To Have Me In Her Life (For The Time Being)

That’s how confident great catches think.

Also, high-quality player types worry more about not hurting her in case she gets too attached.

TRP: Mate-Guard Her, Or You Get Cuckolded

It’s funny:

Many red pill men glorify the player lifestyle but behave like committed boyfriends because, deep down, long for traditional family life.

See an example here:

Rollo Tomassi: If she asks you if she can go out partying, you say “yes” and then throw all the stuff out.

It’s fair to expect your woman not to go out partying.
But, again, the problem with that is that it’s ceiling advice for lower-value men because mate guarding is defensive and lower-value.

As evolutionary psychologist David Buss explains, it’s the lower-value mate who mate guard the higher value mate.
📽️ See this video for more.

HIGHER VALUE: Where Can She Go? I’m A Catch. And If She Strays, She Goes

Most women who asked me if they could go out partying WANTED me to tell them to stay home.

And they’d be sad if I didn’t care.

For actual lovers, that question is just a game women play to get his commitment.

Sometimes, I gave her some limitations just to make her happy and show I cared.

But alas, some men will never understand that.

P.S.:
Check this more balanced video on marrying VS not marrying:

Attitudes Towards The PC-World

The Red Pill holds some views that society disapproves of, or frowns upon.

The same is true for high-quality leaders.

However, they have very different attitudes towards the gap between their beliefs and society’s beliefs.

TRP: The West Is Dying 😢😠

Red Pill online circles commenting on societal trends are pessimistic.
They may even be correct in some analyses, but there are also at least as many reasons to be optimistic.

HIGHER VALUE: It Is What It Is, I Focus On What I Control

High-quality men are too busy with their lives to get lost in discussions of “how things ought to be”.

If there are a lot of feminists these days in the West, that’s how it is.
“I’ll find a feminine woman anyway”, they think.

Post-Red Pill men think that if you waste too much time talking and discussing the turkeys, you tend to become more like the turkeys.
And they prefer soaring with the eagles.

Also read this foundational article of TPM’s philosophy:

• The Ubermensch: how enlightened self-interest keeps you focused on what you can control only, and away from b*tchng and complaining

Politics

Political orientation will tell you a lot about people.

TRP: Long Live The Strongman

Many Red Pill members long for the strong man leader.

This may be due to the overlap with high social dominance orientation and the authoritarian subset of political conservatism, which focuses on hierarchy and obedience (Sapolsky, 2018).

The strong alpha male centralizes power, silences the competition, rewards other alpha males and punishes the weak. Its’the endgame of alpha-maleness
That seems fair to most red pillers because, as Miller and Kanazawa point out (Miller & Kanazawa, 2008) conservatives are more likely to fall for the naturalistic fallacy -ie.: what’s natural is good-. 

So Putin, a known kleptocrat, is a true alpha male for many, while Obama was a weak feminized man.
That’s why the Red Pill on Reddit officially endorsed Trump:

There was disagreement here, but the post was still upvoted by 82% of Reddit users.

I can see these dynamics with our readership. For example:

As mentioned, beliefs of “alphaness”, “power” and “control” overlap with what Adorno referred to as “Authoritarian Personality” (Adorno, 1950) and what Lakoff calls “strict father morality” (Lakoff, 2008).

The red pill, albeit it presents itself as an apolitical movement, is naturally authoritarian, and leaning towards conservatism.

Read more:

• Populism power dynamics
• Conservatives, family, and children

HIGHER VALUE: Strong Men Are Always A Bigger Risk to Democracy

High-quality men can be liberal or conservative.

They might be against immigration, wanting to keep their guns, or prefer low taxation because they’re rich.
But they seldom fall for the allure of the strong man.

Deep down, they instinctively know that weak egos seek refuge in groups and charismatic leaders, while strong men seek to carve their own paths.

TRP: Group Above Individuals

Red pillers focus on genders.

Inherently, that puts a heavy focus on groups.

And when you focus on groups, “belonging” and “pride” come next.
Some of those guys tend to see the group of “men” as an extension of the self.

They recognize themselves as “men” first and foremost, and any win of men against women is also their win.
See the same example we saw earlier:

This guy -and the many upvoters- have this issue:

1. Project ego onto the group 
2. Confrontational approach to gender relations
3. Fragile ego

Hence, it’s “men VS women”, and a win of any man, is also his win.
And any loss of any man against a woman it’s his loss, his demasculinization.

A sense of belonging is important.
But in moderation.
Read more here.

Also read:

• Drop the need for groups

HIGHER VALUE: Individuals First

More enlightened men embrace self-empowerment.

It’s the empowerment of the individual.
And with that comes the tendency -and ability- to look at individuals first, rather than groups.

And that opens the doors to exceptional men and women who rise above the average.
Funny enough, those high-quality men and women often share more similarities between them, than with the average people in their respective genders.

Finding The Right Balance

Post-Red Pill men get along better with everyone.

They may still get some flack for extremists.
But the truly extremists.

Since this website gets thousands of visitors a day, we sometimes get those from both sides. These are often good signs of balance.

On average though, you win over the smarter, higher-quality people.
And the moderates on both sides:

The Stages of Moving Beyond TRP

1. Denial – What a bunch of cynics, this isn’t real
2. Anger – Some of it makes sense… I’ve been taken for a ride!
3. Deep Diving – OK, let’s see what else makes sense and how I can use it
4. Depression – Damn, the world truly runs on self-interest
5. Self-identification – I’m a Red Pill man (and can make fun of blue pills)
6. First Post-TRP Awareness – It’s not like my life is that much better now. Is there somethingelse?
7. Post Red Pill 🦅Winning, as an honorable man, without bitterness, potentially with win-win

Do men “have to” go through the red pill?

No, not necessarily.
Not all men grew up blue pill or naive.

I always felt that what some red pill gurus called “harsh cold realities” were neither harsh nor cold, and much of it seemed common sense.

So when I first met the red pill saw less “truths” and more frustration, b*tching, and various degrees of misogyny.

In general, I believe it’s better to learn the basic dynamics of female and human nature from different sources than the pill.
Frameworks that teach the same dynamics without resentment, such as TPM and Power University.