The Noble Art of Seducing Women is a dating book for men. Kezia Noble teaches men how to seduce women from the rare perspective of a female dating coach for men.
- Bullet Summary
- Full Summary
- Understanding Chemistry
- Understanding What Women Want
- Confidence and The Mistake of Being Vague
- The Stage
- The 3 Elements of Attraction
- The Opener
- Conversation Skills and the 9 Hooks Lead System
- Validate Her
- Bitch Shields
- Sexual Escalation
- The Phone Call
- Good Guys VS Bad Guys
- Never Going Back to Zero
- Women look for strength first and foremost
- Place yourself “higher than her” (with validation & tasks)
- There is no dichotomy nice guy/bad guy: there are great good guys too, and they’re the top
Kezia Noble starts with an example of a man in her life who managed to excite her in spite of the fact he wasn’t physically her type.
Kezia Noble tells a captivating story of a night out when she met a guy who manged to do everything right.
She says that state and frame of mind are very important as that comes across your face and body language and people pick on it.
Understanding What Women Want
Kezia says that while loyalty is the most important trait men look for in women, for women it’s a bit different.
Loyalty is also often among the top three, but what takes precedence is strength. Women want strength.
She then goes into evolutionary psychology to explain why (to deeply understand why and social psychology I invite you to read The Moral Animal).
Bad Boys VS Caring Men
Kezia says that as a younger woman, up until around 19 YO, she preferred bad boys.
But then started to tire of them and found their rebellious streak childish and a waste of energy.
She started being more attracted to caring men.
Other women she knows though had the opposite, and started being into bad boys later on in their lives.
The author uses this example to make the point that men should not worry about superficial traits because those change.
They should focus instead on the most important trait women are looking for: strength. “The strength of who you are”, she says.
Confidence and The Mistake of Being Vague
Kezia says that super common of advise of “being more confident” hurts people more than helping them.
It’s because people start thinking of themselves as not having confidence, and that can be a self fulfilling prophecy.
You should then stop to tell yourself you have no confidence and look at areas where you are performing well.
Then understand that getting better with women is simply something you can learn.
Kezia says, righteously, that a woman must respect a man first in order to be attracted to him.
She introduces the concept of stage to teach body language (weak stage VS strong stage).
The stage is composed by six columns:
- Leg Position = shoulder width far apart when standing
- Arm Position = don’t keep both of them in your pockets
- Hand Gesture = avoid “palms up” as it feels you’re begging and that you need help
- Eye Contact = hold gaze in sexual escalation, before kissing and during intense and mood/shifting conversation
- Facial Expression = never laugh nervously or to cover silences
- Vocal Tone = don’t start with “so” or end questions with mumbling, “or” or going up with your voice
Kezia Noble certainly has some very interesting tidbits in there, the most important of which I highlighted above. These body language topics are very vast though, and for a deeper understanding I invite you to check The Definitive Book of Body Language and What Every Body is Saying.
Since learning body language without actually watching is difficult, check out these video/picture articles:
The 3 Elements of Attraction
Kezia says that the three elements of attraction are control, impact and connection.
Controlling means basically… Controlling yourself and the environment. And Kezia goes more into mindsets adding it’s also about taking responsibility for how things go (check Extreme Ownership for that kind of mindset).
Impact is about standing out and grabbing her attention. Kezia also stresses it’s not about being the super entertainer jester of the situation.
Kezia suggests going for question that people don’t usually get asked.
For example, to a woman who tells you she’s a lawyer, everybody would ask “how long have you been doing that”, but you could ask instead “is that what your parents wanted you to do”.
Going so deep so early can be weird, so use with caution and never in group situations.
Kezia Noble tells yet one more captivating and helpful story. This time, of a man she dated and with whom she opened up very quickly.
The man explains women love dropping their mask and sharing personal stuff.
When they reveal something personal and might feel a bit vulnerable, that’s when you reveal something very personal about yourself too, so you both connected on a deep level.
this is very good stuff indeed. I would like to add it might be even better to not to share anything about you and simply listen with a slight nod and let the “heavy moments of vulnerability” hang in the air.
You basically become a bit of psychoanalyst or slightly distant father figure (Robert Greene mention this as well in The Art of Seduction).
Kezia Noble says that women are much more aware of men of what goes around while men are often way too obvious.
If you’re nervous to approach, Kezia suggests to focus on the defects of the woman or to compare her to your favorite celebrity or sexual fantasy.
I liked even more her suggestion to built a list of qualities you like and then go with a mindset you want to see if she fits your criteria.
I love the example Kezia give of an opener that would have quickly gone south.
A man approached him asking if she was Italian, and to her “no”, he replied “how bad, I was looking for an Italian girlfriend”.
I otherwise didn’t like much her “opinion based openers”, which reeked a bit of The Game by Neil Strauss.
Conversation Skills and the 9 Hooks Lead System
To keep a conversation humming beautifully Kezia Noble suggests you think of everything she says as a hook, and then gives 9 hooks to use:
- Open Ended Questions: will make her speak and provide you with many hooks
- Facts: drop some fun facts to lighten the conversation
- Opinion: early opinions show personality and lack of fear. Saying you hate what she likes is a way to make an impact
- Humor: if you say something funny and she doesn’t laugh don’t pretend it never happened but comment on it or laugh by yourself
- Tasks: tell her to do something, including to tell you something -but without “please”-
- Assumption: a great way to make a raise out of her even when wrong (great story of a psychic)
Since these are a lot Kezia recommends to start with 3, and to put validation and tasks among them.
Don’t Back Down in Arguments
Kezia says that you should never back down if you enter into an argument. You can and should defuse though.
Tell her to stop, then say you will never agree and say it’s great because you appreciate she can voice her opinion contrary to most girls who just avoid confrontation.
Kezia Noble says that every successful man in seduction places himself above the woman.
Even “alpha women“, as Kezia self-defines herself, also enjoy pleasing a man and do something that impress him.
A way to validate is to say that you appreciate something she say or does, as that sets you up as “the evaluator” (also see: soft power).
Negative validation is instead about a slightly negative reaction, possibly following positive validation, which should prompt the girl to prove herself to you afterwards as to regain your approval.
Kezia Noble goes into the push-pull technique and tells another amazing story of a man picking up a gold digger hunting celebs for which I invite you to get the book.
- Stay detached and keep composure: don’t allow anyone to change your state
- Destroy the negative pattern
- Validate: tell her you love her attitude
Again Kezia Noble delivers a couple of great examples, both well executed interactions and bad ones.
For more, also check out:
Kezia Noble divides the interaction into three stages:
- Beginning: your energy level should be high, at least equal to hers
- Comfort: use this stage to start planting the seed, a man showing attraction is better than a man staying noncommittal for too long
- Seduction: slow down your voice, triangle gaze between right eye, left eyes and then lips (do it a bit during comfort as well)
Kezia Noble says many men are afraid of being seen as sleazy or creepy and then talks about flirting.
Flirting is great because it intrigues and introduces the sexual without giving your cards away (check this article on how to text flirt effectively)
Kezia Noble talks about “number close” and “kiss closes here”.
I very much disagree here on the kiss close as even counting at all.
Kisses not only mean nothing, but at times can even be counterproductive by introducing uncertainties in the seduction.
For example, a kiss might happen because you were both very horny. But then emotions come down.
She might feel like next time you meet it’s going to get to sex because you’ve already kissed.
And since right now she’s not so hot about you, she’ll never come out (I talk a bit about these pitfalls in Women Early Dating Mistakes).
Kezia talks about a few great techniques, such as taking pressure off of your ask by adding “I’ll text sometime next week” and some I’m less convinced about, like asking her to put her own name on your phone with her nickname.
She says that “Facebook close” is not so good and the risk of long chats there is that she will start taking your relationship as an online, chat relationship and never from there (check this article though on how to effectively use Facebook).
The Phone Call
If you exchange number through a direct approach you should call her that same evening.
An atypical exchange should follow on that path because you created a moment, but that moment quickly vanishes so it needs a quick reminder (same suggestion Kezia gives on Texting Game and similar on why I suggest calling after a non answered text).
Otherwise, wait 3 days and when you call do something so you seem busy and not like you were just doing nothing and thinking of her.
I particularly laughed at Kezia’s idea on why background noises are helpful: if she says she can’t speak now you tell her that you couldn’t hear and you’ll call her later LOL.
Good Guys VS Bad Guys
Kezia Noble really hits the nail on the had with this part.
Basically, she says that it’s not a dichotomy of “nice guys” VS “bad guys” as many seem to make it.
She adds “good guys, which are men who are as confident and unashamed of sexual escalation as “bad boys” but who do not make women feel bad and used or try to lower their confidence.
These are the real top men.
And I couldn’t agree more.
Never Going Back to Zero
Never going back to zero means that you keep your own life, even when in a relationship.
In case you break up you will get back in the game more easily, but keeping your own life and interests will also give you a stronger and more solid relationship.
Kezia also says some women will threaten they want to leave you to get a reaction out of you. In those cases you should tell her she’s free to go.
I disagree here. Threatening to leave the relationship is unacceptable and you should not play any games there.
When you’ve done something really wrong though like cheating you tell her… Oh well, I invite you to get the book for that :).
Albeit I love what Kezia suggest, I think it’s mostly important when you do something really wrong that you take care of re-balancing the relationship by giving power back to her to really make it us as perfectly explained by David Lieberman.
Some Question Marks on Honesty?
Kezia Noble suggests when you give some fun facts that those could be… Well.. Not really true. The way she also reacts to past boyfriends having lied to her is very nonchalant.
Since she doesn’t seem to take a strong stand against lies, it makes me wonder if the stories she presents as factual are actually factual.
A few blemishes here and there don’t allow me to give this book 5 stars.
But Kezia gets many, many things right.
And most of all her stories, some of her insights and her conversation and social dynamics break down are top notch.