F*ck Him is a book aimed at female readers who want to take control of their dating lives -and of the men in their dating lives-.
It’s brief and to the point with some good insights and some heard-before content.

Clinical Note: This is a strategic audit of Brian Nox’s Fuck Him: Nice Girls Always Finish Single.
We analyze this text through the lens of Social Exchange (Blau, 1964) in dating (Sexual Marketplace Dynamics), Mate Value (Buss, 2016), and Dating Power Dynamics (Buffalmano, 2022). If you are looking for adult content, this is a behavioral science resource; please look elsewhere.
Male perspective: Although written for women, this book teaches female psychology and various dating games/manipulation, helping men recognize and select quality women.

Key Takeaways

• Let him invest in you: he will like you more and you filter poor prospects out
• Don’t have sex with him too early: develop an emotional connection first
• Never nag, let him come to you by withdrawing and praising good behavior

Summary

About the Author:
Brian Nox is the pen name for Brian Geert, a European author and dating coach for women who published several dating books. He says that F*ck Him is not meant to be applied literally, but refers to mental game.

1. Too Nice Girls Traits

Brian & Brian say the personal traits of good girls are:

• Quickly believes she has found “the one”
• Treats him like a king (but he doesn’t treat her like a princess)
• Lets him be in charge of everything

2. High-Value Woman Traits

• Wants a relationship but is happy to stay single if nobody matches up
• Is kind but has strong boundaries she enforces
• Let him invest in her
• Never makes him the epicenter of his life
• Doesn’t play games

I particularly appreciated the author’s saying she brings her best but also expects him to do the same.

For a more in-depth analysis of high-value women read:

• High-value women traits
• How to be feminine

3. Avoid Playing Too Many Games

Brian says that the high-value woman is honest and sincere.

Low-value women play plenty of games with men.
But the high-value woman does not play games. She doesn’t pretend busy, she really is busy.
And the authors say that high-quality men appreciate that “no-BS” attitude -and he is right-.

On the other hand, I believe there must be a method for dropping games.
See an example here:

• How to drop games in an effective way: a real-life example of how dropping games can be an effective dating strategy and give women more relationship power

4. The “Mind F*cking” Framework: Psychological Investment & Reactance

Brian & Brian say there are two rules to mental f*cking:

• Don’t have sex too soon
• Behave differently than most women

You are more than your body, and similarly to Hussey in Get the Guy, the authors recommend you should build an emotional connection first.

‘Mind f*ck’ means you behave unlike most other women.

5. Set Good Habits Early

The authors say it’s a common mistake of women to let something slip early on with the hope it’ll change later on.

I agree with it, also because he would feel like you’re changing for the worse.
This is particularly dangerous during the shift from passionate love to compassionate love.

6. When He Plays With You

The authors focus on a few games even the good guys sometimes play:

• Say He’ll Call, Then Doesn’t
• Being aloof
• Saying “I’m not ready for a relationship”

Pretend nothing happened, don’t chase, and give him space instead.

7. Let Him Wait

The authors say that when you give sex too soon men will think that’s what you do with all the other guys (Madonna/whore dichotomy).

I believe though that it’s difficult to make a catch-all rule.
Sex depends a lot on what guys you’re dealing with and the environment you’re dating in.
Also, see:

• Should you delay sex?
• How to postpone sex without endangering the relationship

8. Why He Needs To Put In Effort

The authors say you should have your man put time and effort into you.

It will screen out the players and he will get used to staying on good behavior.

Also, read:

• How to make him invest in you
• Games Machiavellian women play to make him invest more

I agree with that and I also advise you not to ask too much soon, or it will reek of an entitlement mentality. And high-value men don’t like that, as also explained by Bruce Bryan.

9. Mind Control

How do you control a man?

The author espouses the same concept that Dale Carnegie proposes in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Such as, instead of yelling and nagging, let him believe it was his own decision.

What I liked a lot though is that the authors say that if you’re always trying to change his opinions on very important subjects, then maybe he’s not the right man for you.
Indeed, as I also explain in my how to make him value more guide.

10. Team-Relationships

I particularly liked this part, which sets “Fuck Him” apart from a lot of other popular “tell it like it is women’s dating books”.

The authors say two high-value people behave like a team in a relationship.
It’s not a win-lose or lose-win, but both make concessions and stay in equilibrium.
A win-win relationship is indeed the only possible setup for great relationships.

Also, read “how to keep power in relationships“, the healthy way:

11. Great First Impressions

The authors say great first impressions are key because we will then filter out anything else via the first impression we have.

Brian and Brian take the example of high-value people in networking events.
They say hi to everyone and then circle back to the ones they found worthy.

12. Acquire Self-Respect

Self-respect means you don’t accept disrespect and you don’t change your beliefs, opinion, and behavior for anyone.

That’s a trait of a high-value woman.

13. Keeping A Great Guy

The authors also deal with how to keep healthy relationships.

A part I really liked is that men need some praise from the most important woman in their life (ie.: you).

14. Is He For Real?

Brian says that to keep it simple, women look for commitment and men look for sex.

But some women make the mistake of bugging their partners to make sure they’re still fully committed.
That’s not a good strategy.
High-value women know that perfect security doesn’t exist and use their emotional intelligence to live without any constant confirmation.

I particularly loved how the authors apply the hierarchy of needs to a relationship and how you can use it.

Real-Life Applications

Great Relationships are Win-Win
Beyond all the games, never forget this one. Avoid Combative Relationships at all costs.

Praise Him For His Success
Remember to praise him for his successes. Lots of them, he does it for you.

CONS

Digressions
The authors often digress on topics that are not highly relevant  Evolutionary Psychology, Operant Conditioning, Maslow’s hierarchy, and even a few pages explaining what’s a Ponzi Scheme -probably too much for a book on dating and relationships-.

Some Confusion
The authors make good points explaining why women are attracted to ‘bad boys’ or dark triad personalities. But then say “well-sculpted” guys actually have low self-esteem, as if the two categories were the same. Then they throw narcissists in the mix as well.
Those categories are not exactly the same though.

You Need To Be Less Invested
Most women’s dating books say he should invest in you as much as possible. I believe though that overdoing it is a common mistake of low-quality women. The best approach is to raise his investment in parallel with yours. That’s a win-win relationship. Check: get high-quality men with mutual investment.

PROS

Honesty for Solid Relationship
I like that Knox, at the end of the day, actually recommends honesty. As simple as it sounds, it’s really the best medicine.

Short and to The Point

Review

“F*ck Him” provides valid dating strategies for women, overlapping with The Power of The Pussy and Why Men Love Bitches, but it’s more cooperative and, often, more effective for dating quality men and establishing win-win relationships.

At times, the “overlap” may have called for some credit-giving, which would have only boosted this book’s authority.

Otherwise, I like that F*ck Him mixes the “mental game” with honesty and values.
Honesty and values will make for a stronger relationship as a team, which indeed the authors also represent as the ideal type of relationship.

Check:

• Best dating books for women

F*ck Him! Summary & Review: Nice Girls Always Finish Single

It's not about getting down to it quickly as I thought. It's a condensed version of "Why Women Love Bitches" plus some more interesting insights.

URL: https://thepowermoves.com/fuk-him-summary/

Author: Lucio Buffalmano

Editor's Rating:
4