The Rational Male: 10 Red Pill Laws by Rollo Tomassi (Book Review)

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the rational male

The Rational Male (2013) is a red pill book summarizing part of Red Pill philosophy, mixed with Rollo Tomassi‘s own interpretations and ideas.

Key Takeaways

  • There is no “the one”: there are countless partners with whom you can have a great relationship
  • To control the relationship: need her less than she needs you
  • Entertain several different women at once: it gives you an abundance mindset (‘Plate theory’)

Summary

About the Author:
Rollo Tomassi is one of the leading voices in the male-focused online community known as the “Red Pill”.
The “Red Pill” focuses more on the intersexual sexual dynamics and sexual power dynamics of the more general male self-development. 
Rollo Tomassi is also the author of “Preventive Medicine“, “Positive Masculinity“, and “The Player’s Handbook“.

Our Review of Rollo:
We find Rollo Tomassi could improve his critical thinking skills and address some personal biases to provide better analyses and strategies.
Read more in our full analysis:

Rollo Tomassi: Red Pill Guru, Or Misogynistic Bias?

1. Quit Oneitis & Internalize This: There’s No “The One”

The definitive dictionary of power defines oneitis as:

The tendency for an individual to pedestalize one woman and feel like she is “the one” and it’s either he gets her, or he is desperate

Oneitis is an old concept harking back to the very beginning of pick-up and manosphere (check The Game, The Mystery Method, and David DeAngelo).

In short, oneitis refers to men who obsess over a single, specific woman.
So you would say that a man suffers from oneitis when he loses his mind for one woman and thinks she’s so awesome that he must absolutely be with her or he’s ruined.

Rollo suggests that this is in part due to the mistaken belief of “The One”, such as there is a woman (or a man) out there who is just right for you.
And you “just” need to find her.

I agree with Tomassi here: this idea makes no sense whatsoever and it should be so obvious that we don’t need to discuss it any further :).

I don’t think there is much connection though between oneitis and “the one” mindset. Oneitis relates more to chemical reactions and lacks options than to beliefs.

2. Control The Relationship By Not Needing Her

Tomassi borrows a concept from social dynamics called “Principle of Least Interest” (Waller, 1937).

And it means that “the person who needs the other person the least, controls the outcome”.

Tomassi says that whether or not you want to see relationships through the lenses of power dynamics or not, it doesn’t matter. The power dynamics will be at play anyway.

And, well, I couldn’t agree more :).

On the other hand, this is also a potentially toxic approach.

My Note: Partially true if powe is the goal, but potentially toxic if the goal is win-win
Many elements determine power in a relationship.
But a focus on “needing her less” can lead win-lose or lose-lose approaches. The APA Handbook on relationships for example says a power-first apporach makes you less satisfied in the relationship.
For more, read:

5 Ways to Maintain Power & Control in Relationships

3. Don’t Just Be Yourself: Grow

You know the old self-help mantra, right?

It’s:

Just be yourself

Tomassi criticizes that approach and invites the readers of The Rational Male to focus on growth and self-development to become a high-quality man.

He uses his own example, of what happened to him when he started truly working on himself.
He went from “worst, bottom-scraping beta” to rockstar and alpha father. What you do with your life and who you become in your life, says Rollo, is up to you.

That’s true indeed.
Also, read:

The danger is not aiming high, but aiming low and achieving it

4. Date Several Women (Plate Theory)

Plate Theory equates plates with women and says that men should not commit to a single woman and instead keep their options open (ie.: spinning several plates at once).

Tomassi doesn’t say a man should never commit, but he does recommend not doing so before 30 or before he fully understands the lifetime value of men and women, what he really wants from life, and the dynamics of the sexual marketplace.

Writes Rollo Tomassi:

A man is as confident and valuable as his options. This is the essence of abundance mindset – confidence is derived from options.

The Sexual Marketplace: Overview of Intersexual Dynamics

Spinning Plate for Abundance Mentality

Spinning different plates doesn’t mean that he must be sexual with all of them, or that he must keep spinning them all.

The idea is to have several different leads to help you internalize the idea that there are many women out there, that many women can suit you, and that you don’t have to take cr@p from any of them because you can easily be next to her.

Spinning Plate for Best Girlfriend Choice

Spinning plates allow men to gain more dating and female knowledge, to discern low-quality women from high-quality women and, when he wants, it allows him to make a more informed choice.

Indeed, I would add that quantity is not antithetical to quality. Quantity is an enabler of quality.

And when you want to stop with a woman, you know that it was a choice you have done based on options and knowledge, and not on desperation.

Quantity enable quality

Be The Prize

Rollo Tomassi also says that the attitude that you are the prize of the relationship must underpin your plate spinning

When you are the prize, women will also accept non-exclusivity more, because, says Tomassi:

Women would rather share a successful man than be sadddled with a faithful loser

Which is a quote he attributes to Pook (read The Book of Pook).

5. Unplug & Take The Red Pill

Unplugging or “taking the red pill” is common red pill parlance for “coming to see things as they really are”.

In this case, it would be men dropping the mistaken assumption from society and embracing the manosphere theories and tenets.

Rollo Tomassi says there are typical stages of the red pill awakening:

  1. Denial – refusing to let go of previous beliefs
  2. Anger – awareness the pill makes sense, anger at society for feeding wrong ideas
  3. Bargaining – trying to keep some old beliefs
  4. Depression –  the red pill can be a tough one to swallow
  5. Acceptance  – becoming a knowledgeable, healthy rational male

6. Strategize With Value In Mind: Men’s SMV Increases, Women’s Decreases

Our current culture pretends that men and women are the same.

But that’s crap, implies Rollo.
And nowhere is this more visible than in the sexual marketplace.

Women reach their peak at around 23 YO, while men are just starting their ascension, peaking at 36.
Tomassi says:

At age 23, while a girl is enjoying her prime value, a man is just beginning to make his own gradual ascent. By age 36, the average man has reached his own relative apex. It’s at this phase that his sexual/social/professional appeal has reached maturity.

And while women’s market value is mostly a consequence of their physical attractiveness, male attractiveness is only one factor.
Thus a rich 50YO will be more value than an average, run-of-the-mill 30YO. That can hardly be the case for women.

Sexual Market Value: A Practical Analysis

My note: Misleading for men
At 36, most men haven’t reached maturity but their peak. While a 23-year-old woman loses sexual appeal as she ages, new 20-somethings enter the dating market—and most 35+ men in the West struggle to attract women in their early 20s. Top men do not struggle, but they’re not the norm, but the exception.

Women Are Duped Into Losing Strategy

Tomassi also seems to suggest that the current cultural climate of women being the same as men leads them to the mistaken assumption that “they have time”.

But when they reach their 30s after they spent their early 20s partying they eventually realize, sometimes too late, that their value is dropping fast.

I tend to agree with that.
Also, read:

7. Keep a Woman’s Interest By Displaying Value

Tomassi says you should never say it outright that you are seeing other women.

You should make it clear though if you’re not ready for commitment or you are stealing her time.
And lying to get pussy is what low-quality men do.

Tomassi recommends:

  • Let her glean from your behavior you have options
  • Don’t be too available
  • Don’t be there for her during the weekends

Be Careful of Hypergamy

And remain high-status or you’ll lose her interest to hypergamy.

Hypergamy means “marrying up” basically. 

For a balanced and scientific overview of female hypergamy, see:

Stop Whining About Hypergamy (& Do This Instead)

8. Pass Shit Tests to Prove Your Value

Women test men to determine one or more of these factors:

  1. Confidence – first and foremost
  2. Options – is he into me or am I his only option?
  3. Security – is he able to provide long-term?

Also, read:

Shit Tests Power Dynamics: 8 Ways To Win the Game

As a general rule though, I recommend testing women instead of focusing on passing her tests, since it’s the person who tests the other who has power -also read “the judge role in power dynamics”-.
Some tests for women:

9. Control Frames Like The Alpha Buddha

Listening to The Rational Male I was curious to see Corey Worthington’s interview, which for Tomassi exemplifies “alpha male behavior“.

It’s awesome indeed:

My Note: Not the best example of an alpha male, though
It’s a funny interview, and he‘s impressive for his age.
But there are better examples.
For example, saying that he won’t remove his sunglasses because they’re famous sounds like an excuse to deflect social pressure. Higher power would “because I don’t want to“. Or to push her on the defensive with something like: “I’m not telling you to remove your shirt am I, so why are you telling me what I should or should not wear“.

Also, read:

10. Follow The 9 Iron Rules of Tomassi

Tomassi lists 9 iron rules:

#1 Frame is everything

Control the frame, but don’t give the impression you are consciously doing so.

#2 Never share your sexual partner’s count

Albeit Tomassi does so in the book, and it’s 40 :).

In my experience though, most women don’t care about it anyway. And if they asked, they never pressed me for a final number. 

#3 Don’t wait for women who make you wait

Any woman who makes you wait for sex is not worth it.

I couldn’t agree more, except for fringe cases like very religious or virgins until late in life.

#4 Don’t ever live with a woman you’re not marrying

Either you’re married or you’re going to within six months.

I disagree with this one. Living together is an important test ride.

#5 Never allow a woman to be in control of birth control

LOL, this one had me smiling. Use a condom, guys!

#6 Women are incapable of loving a man the way he expects them to

I’m not sure about this one.
What exactly is the way a man expects to be loved? 

#7 Develop new relationships: don’t fix broken ones

Your time and effort are better spent looking for new ones than fixing the unfixable ones.
I agree. Albeit sometimes it can be difficult to know what’s “unfixable”. See here for some help on relationship diagnostics.

#8 Never help a woman figure out why she won’t f*ck you

This rule says that in the current paradigm, women are the sexual selectors but you shouldn’t flip the script there and be the prize of the relationship (honestly I missed the connection between the title of this rule and its content)

#9 Never self-deprecate

Don’t self-deprecate or try to appeal to her sympathy or sense of guilt.

It’s easy to do self-deprecation wrong.
But it’s OK to self-deprecate when your qualities speak for themselves, or when you are coming across as too good (see: availability and self-rejection). 
Also, some women -“women who love too much“-, love to fix strong but troubled men.

Women ask for Mr. Dependable but fuck Mr. Exciting

The Rational Male Debunked

There is plenty of great advice in The Rational Male.

Especially for beginners.

But that’s also the limitation: it lacks refinement for more advanced men.

Here is all the criticism of “The Rational Male“:

1. Unsubstantiated & Inaccurate Claims

Several claims are unscientific, factually inaccurate, and even illogical.

Some examples:

1.2. “Women obey the imperative of fucking the alpha man while marrying the nice guy”

“Imperative”?

What does it even mean?

That’s already a red flag for lacking rigor.

Women, like any other living organism, seek to get the best they can get.

Women’s strategies are complex and context-dependent.
They’d rather pick an alpha male who commits, if they can -and high-quality women, can-.

And while in some cases women may choose a high mate value man for children and gladly get another man to invest -‘dual mating strategy’-, it’s not as widespread as the author implies.

Obvious data on non-paternity rates disprove Rollo’s “female imperative”. Or, at least, they disprove that women are successful at executing the strategy.
Data is hard to find, the median estimate of cuckolded men is 3.7% ( One of the sources is here and another one here).

That means that 98+% of women father children from their “official” partners.
The data does not support the idea that most women are acting on the imperative of getting genes from an alpha and getting support from a beta.

Among men who took a DNA test suspecting they were not the biological father, 1 in 3 were cuckolded (meaning 2 times out of 3 they are the actual father).

There would be more to opine, but the evidence is already strong.

Update: Rollo’s Answer

He didn’t expressly say he was answering to TPM (an expected power move).

But chances are he was.

And Rollo said that our criticism is wrong because you should also include women who had children from other men and remarried.
And then you’d get at around 40%.

Albeit this new take has some merit, it’s still wrong because those new male partners aren’t necessarily providing for the whole family and they may have children on their own.

Finally, investment in mothers with children may be a mating effort, not an investment in children.

Finally, a mother who remarries is not always winning investments, but she’s failing as a mother and putting her children at increased risk.
Studies show that stepfathers in the household is the single greatest risk factor for child neglect and abuse, including higher incidence of infanticide (Dalay & Wilson, 1988).

1.3. Women Are Incapable of Loving (??)

My experience differs.

And I can’t help but wonder here: are these authors expecting a woman to love them as their mothers would?
Like unconditional love, no matter how naughty -or useless- he is?

Then it’s not women’s fault if they had wrong expectations.

2. Misunderstanding of Basic Scientific Principles & Logical Fallacies

Rollo says:

I completely disagree with idea that women will only fuck (or want to fuck) one guy at a time. I could outline several women I know from experience in this (…)

To begin with, this is straw-manning: whoever said that “women will only fuck one guy at a time”?

Second, this is called inductive reasoning, such as looking at a few cases and generalizing to the whole population.
It’s prone to all kinds of personal biases and rarely leads to good conclusions.

For the record, there are plenty of women who enjoy casual sex. And still, women want to sleep around much less than men want to (Ridley, 1993).

2.2. Increasing sex partners not a risk for VDs (wrong)

To make the point more sex does not mean higher risk, Rollo says:

In my lifetime I’ve had sex with over 40 women and I never once caught a venereal disease (..)
I can also point to men I know who contracted Herpes from the only women they’d ever had sex with. (..) you can equally be a rock star and tap hundreds of women without any consequence and you can be a virgin saint and contract a disease on your wedding night

To begin with, I’d hope Rollo used a condom at least some of the times.

When it comes to what I partially agree with him: the fear of VD might be overblown and VDs should not be your (main) reason to decide for monogamy.
But that quote above is the equivalent of the “95 YO who smokes two packs of cigarettes a day, hence cigarettes are not bad” fallacy.

The danger is also that the more the woman is OK with not using a condom, the higher risk she is. Sometimes I even use it as a test. I pretend I’m not using any condom and see how she reacts.

2.3. Monogamy serves women’s interests (not fully correct)

Rollo writes:

Monogamy as a goal is a tool of the feminine imperative

That’s not true.

Rollo confuses what’s good for a sizable sub-group, with what’s good for the whole group.
But there are no groups in dating and intersexual dynamics -or in life in general-.
There are individuals.

A high-status man suffers from monogamy because he could more easily get more women. 
But a high-status woman gains from monogamy because a high-status male will be under pressure to commit to her.
And a lower status male gains with monogamy because the cultural expectation helps him get a woman (see Kanazawa, 2007).

In chart:

monogamy vs polygyny chart disproves rollo tomassi

It’s low-status men who gain most from monogamy

2.4. Women manipulate men to not take care of themselves (illogical)

Rollo says women tell men that “looks don’t matter” so that men won’t take care of themselves.

Why would they do so?

Because, Rollo says, it allows women to keep having sex with the alpha males they are attracted to while still being able to rely on the resources of their less attractive partners.

It’s an imaginative theory.
But imaginative doesn’t make for “accurate”.
And it doesn’t stand to logical scrutiny.

Anyone with a basic grasp of intersexual dynamics would agree that women gain if all men cared more about themselves because they’d have more to choose from.

See more on games that women play here:

10 Nasty Games Women Play (Women, Stop These!)

3. Made-up, pop-evolutionary psychology (storytelling, opinions, & fervid imagination)

Rollo often references evolutionary psychology.

But it’s seldom evidence-based.
Instead, storytelling, opinions, and personal biases sold as facts are the bane of “The Rational Male“.

Personal conjecture can be valid as hypothesis.
But hypotheses must still be logical.

The authors’ hypothesis sometimes lack logic.

4. The Male-Side Bias Fails to Provide A Good Overview

This is what David Buss says:

Popular explanations blame patriarchy, masculine hegemony, and toxic masculinity <— this is the feminist point of view
Manosphere bloggers, on the other hand, blame women who seek sex with “alpha chads” (high-status males) and exploit lower-status men who are “betas” for their investment <— this is the red pill point of view
There is some truth to each of these contrasting accounts, but also ways in which they lack explanatory depth.

Basically: manosphere bloggers are the feminist equivalent.

I agree with that, albeit the red pill is probably closer to the truth than the opposite camp.

So allghouth there are good analyses in “The Rational Male“, I believe it fails to provide a good overview of dating and dating power dynamics.

Why?

Because Rollo Tomassi has a strong male bias and, I suspect, an anti-women bias as well.

For example, Rollo focuses on the games women play, and men falling for them.
And there are certainly women who dupe men.
And women, in general, are better and very effective at controlling relationships.

Also, see:

But the view of men played by women is simplistic. Men play their own games.
Both genders, at times, seek to take advantage of one another.

The way I see it, you can’t pass for an unbiased analyst sitting at that table and laughing at blatant gaslighting:

4.2. The focus on the female dual sexual strategy misses the male’s counterpart

Rollo Tomassi focuses on the dualistic female dating strategy (AKA: alpha fucks, beta bucks).

But he fails to see -or mention- that men also have a dual strategy (Wright, 1994).

The male dual strategy is this:

Marry the pious girl and fuck the floozy

This dual strategy, when taken to an extreme, results in the Madonna-whore complex.

5. An Over-Generalization Fest on “Women Nature” 

Tomassi has many categories for men.

There are “alphas”, “alpha providers”, “beta who don’t know the rules”, “red pill men who opened their eyes” etc.

But women all seem to be the same.

All are driven by their biology the exact same way.
All playing games and all looking for an alpha to inseminate them and a beta to take care of them.

I found this over-generalizations one of the major drawbacks of “The Rational Male”.
It’s also not very informative, because not all women are created equals and different women have different tendencies for cheating.

I’m not the only one to feel this way.
The “almost colleague” guys over at Charisma on Command feel the same:

Charlie Houpert: (…) the rational male Rollo guy and (…) he was like women are irrational and women are like this.
I was like yes and so are men and i feel like the narrow focus it’s just a common tactic that I’m startirng to notice.

It was a great interview, by the way, check it out.

To be clear, men and women are different and, as Jordan Peterson says, are particularly relevant at the extremes.
But Rollo Tomassi still makes the two genders more different than they are, and over-generalizes.

Also, read:

This Rational Male Is Quite Irrational

In brief, it’s funny:

the rational male tries hard to self-frame as rational, but there is way too much personal bias to be truly “rational”.

Call it, if you want, “rational posturing” -similar to alpha male posturing, a common thing in the manosphere-.

Some Fragile And/Or Weak Mindsets

Example:

CONS

Besides the more factual rational male debunking, some of the cons include:

Lots of Misogyny Red Flags

I don’t say this gladly.

I know it’s potentially bad for business since quite a few men reading here are from red-pill communities. 

But still, I could sense a misogynist bias in “The Rational Male“, as well as from the author in general.

For example:

Since we live in a feminine defined reality, women’s game is not considered subterfuge, it’s simply how women are, or the feminine mystique

Feminists say the exact same thing… Except that, we live in a female-repressive society.

Or:

Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved by a woman. (…) Men believe that love matters for the sake of it. Women love opportunistically.

It feels at times as if The Rational Male frames women as generally machiavellian and conniving. And generally more so than men.

He hides behind the fact that “men adn women are different”, which obviously are -duh!-. But it’s funny how in Rollo’s analyses, women differ from men in mostly negative ways.
That’s a definition of misogyny (Forward, 1986).

A video-analysis for more:

Generic, Catch-All Dating Advice Lacks Refinement

On TPM we caution against “catch-all” advice and we prefer nuanced, context-based approaches.

Generally speaking, catch-all advice is often beginner-level advice.
And to get to the next level, you truly need to move beyond it.

Also, see our analysis on the “limitations of alpha male game“.

Some of the advice I disagreed with includes:

Writes Off The Provider Strategy (Which Can Be Effective)

The author doesn’t seem to consider that being a provider in a monogamous relationship can be a valid dating strategy and/or life choice for (some) men.

Again, I am NOT saying monogamy is good and you should go for it: I am happily single and not considering marriage.
But I am saying that not all men who decide to enter 1:1 relationships are stupid or irrational.

This is funny, in a way, since Rollo, married and still married tells men not to get married.
While me, single and never planning on marrying, tell people that it’s a fair choice to enter a serious and potentially monogamous relationship, if they so choose.

Also, read:

And see:

Refusing the “let’s just be friends” (“LJBF”)

The idea behind not being her friend is sound.
But rejecting the “let’s just be friends” sends the wrong message.

Ie.: it makes you sound butthurt and like you really wanted her as GF.

Instead, I recommend men say: “Sure, we are friends and we should stay friends”. Then never contact her again and be too busy she contacts you.
Or check out here how to handle it via text.

This isn’t just my opinion, by the way.
Research has shown that friends are well-positioned for mate poaching and that boyfriends and husbands have good reasons to be worried about their friends (the obvious caveat: friends must be attractive).

The “be as mannish as you can be” to get laid (fails the “law of optimum balance”)

Tomassi says men must be masculine to attract women.

That’s most certainly true… Up to a point.
The law of optimum balance also applies to dating.
And studies suggest women do have an upper limit and there is such a thing as “too masculine” in attraction.

Green in The Art of Seduction also explains that a touch of femininity can help disarm women’s defences.

Soso Advice for Relationships

I agree with developing options and being the leader of the relationship.

But, as for everything: balance.

Gottman’s research shows that men resisting women’s influence have worse relationships.

Reading “The Rational Male” it felt to me like the leadership advocated in there was more of a “my leadership against you”.

“Needing her less” can also be a double-edged sword.
If you approach relationships with one foot out, then… Be a man and don’t get into a relationship at all.
Also, read “how to maintain attraction“:

5 Ways to Maintain Power & Control in Relationships

Some of These Mindsets Might Lead to Low-Quality & Abuse If Taken To An Extreme

Psychology research shows an overlap between men who buy into male superiority, men who seek power, and abusive men.

Men who buy into the idea of male superiority feel less of a man when they are not in control or when their wives outclass them in some meaningful way (ie.: earn more, speak better, higher education, etc.).

And to protect their ego they can lash out to “re-assert” their dominance.

Note:
I am NOT saying this is the case for the author, for the Red Pill, or for most of the advice in “The Rational Male“.
But some of the mindsets behind “The Rational Male” series might make abusive relationship dynamics more likely.

Also, read:

Low-Power, Victim Mindsets

Some takes from Rollo are disempowering.

How can you be empowered, and still believe that you’re a victim of this supposed “feminine imperative that governs the world”?

Feminine Imperative Governing the World (?)

Many legal systems, in many Western countries, favor women in divorces.

But the “feminine imperative” shaping cultures and “feminine indoctrination” making men puppets is something I disagre with.

It’s both a simplistic view of a complex world, and disempowering.

“Men VS Women” Frame Can Lead to Anger & Bitterness

The theme seems to be one of men VS women and their feminine society.

Rollo Tomassi’s work seems based on the idea that if one gender wins, the other must lose.

To borrow from game theory, this is a ‘defection mindset’.
And defection strategies make the pie smaller for all -and is a poor strategy for long-term relationships (Ridley, 1996, and Malhotra, 2007)-.

But, as the latest APA Relationships Handbook outlines, there is much overlapping interests and much scope for win-win cooperation, which is why pair-bonding evolved and spread.

Also see the “enlightened individualist” article:

Winner’s Mindsets: 10 Commandments of Enlightened “Me First”

PROS

  • Can Be Eye-Opening For Beginners

Rollo Tomassi can be eye-opening for many men who haven’t yet put 1 and 1 together.

But also some men who settle down too early, look at monogamy as the only option, never realize the risks of marriage, or lack any basic power awareness around dating power dynamics.

  • Good Analysis of SMV

Good albeit not perfect analysis of the sexual market value and how it changes depending on gender and age.

  • Some Great Reflections on Feminism & Femininity

I quote here with some smaller omissions for brevity:

The characteristics that define masculinity (..) are now the aspirations of women to the point that ridicule of the feminine female is the order.
(…) not only does this put undue, unrealistic ideals upon them, but also devalues the merits of their own femininity.

100%.

  • Good Read to Understand Games & Manipulation

Especially women’s games.

  • Great Busting of Some Myths

For example, that ‘looks don’t matter’ and that ‘women are as sexual as men’.

Neither of these are true -albeit men can do much to work around looks.

Review

The Rational Male is a great entry point into basic principles of intersexual power dynamics, dating strategies, and ‘red pill’ philosophy.

It’s not easy to evaluate in a single sentence because it mixes great content with some poor assumptions.

Overall, much of what Rollo Tomassi is true, to a certain extent. 
In my opinion, it’s the generalization of those principles, together with the extremization of some of the women’s tendencies that leads to a distorted picture.

Do I recommend you read “The Rational Male“?
Absolutely.
But I also recommend you do so with a critical mind.

Also, check out:

or get the book on Amazon

And if this review was helpful, Power University turns smart men into winners.

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